having trouble finding THE dress

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kels12 Posts : 1 Registered: 7/23/09
having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 4:55 PM

I have been engaged for alittle over 4 months now and I have been dress shopping one time and tried on over 20 dresses. Nothing was working for me and then they all started to look the same. I'm starting to stress out about this. Everyone says that when u put THE dress on that you will know and i feel like that is never going to happen for me. Just stressed, so if anyone has any ideas to where to look or just some kind words.


TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 5:59 PM Go to message in response to: kels12

Welcome to the boards. First off, please don't stress. This is one of the fun parts and you have lots of time to find a dress! I would give yourself a break from trying them on and try looking in magazines, online or watching shows like Say yes to the dress to get ideas without having to put dresses on. Next do you have a general idea of what is most flattering for your body type? Sometimes brides can get a little off track because what they like isn't actually what would look good on them. Quite often brides will take pics of themselves in dresses on post them here on brides.com to get feedback. It might help and a lot of us could talk about dress, all day long. I hope something in here helps!


kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 6:19 PM Go to message in response to: kels12

Welcome to the boards, I agree with Tanis just relax don't feel that you have to find your dress today you have plenty of time. There a few threads here where there are brides in there gowns that might give you an idea of how some dresses might look on you.

What styles have you tried on? Some times that can help us to help you.

What styles do you like? Which styles have you counted out already? Sometimes the dress you like is not the one for you. That dress you saw in the book or online that you didn't like might turn out to be the dress for you.




Kenny and me perfect together, 10 years and counting

Sucks to be you, So glad I am me

Proud Member of P.O.O.P,  People Offended by Offended People

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 27, 2009 7:18 PM Go to message in response to: kels12

Hi there! I second everything the first two ladies said!

I'm currently shopping for a dress too so I know how you feel. First, don't be stressed about running out of time, every consultant says I'm ahead of or right on schedule and my wedding is 4 months before yours, so you're doing fine. Generally ordering time is 6-12 months before the wedding.

I agree that the gowns can look alike-- to a point. To fix this, you've got to broaden your search. Different types of stores carry different kinds of dresses. For example, David's Bridal has mostly strapless satin dresses with the occasional chiffon or halter thrown in, but locally owned boutiques carry a whole range of designers with varying styles. Make sure that you're trying on different types of dresses to see all your options- cut (a-line, empire, sheath, mermaid, etc.), length (short, tea-length, floor), fabric (silk, satin, chiffon, organza, taffeta, lace, etc!), color, details, you get the idea. Determining what flatters your body early on will make the search go faster, and then try to combine that with what you really like in a dress.

If you're not sure what you like yet, go to the internet and copy/save photos of any dress or feature on a dress that you like. This helped me a lot before I even walked into a store, as I could look back on the collection and start to notice trends.

I too am doubtful of the "this is the one!" moment happening for myself. It'd be nice to know without a doubt, but I can't see myself making what I consider to be a very expensive, important decision on the fly. I've found a handful of dresses that I really like and feel pretty in, and if someone told me I had no choice but to wear one of those, I'd be thrilled. But since I'm having so much fun dress shopping (not to mention I'm vaguely worried I'll miss a better dress if I don't look in every nearby shop) my search continues.

Good luck! Have fun! Let us know if you have other questions and how the search goes.


CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 4:51 AM Go to message in response to: kels12

Hi, I agree with PP's don't stress about this! It's probably one of the funnest parts of planning the wedding!! You know how I found my dress ... in a bridal magazine, I've never even seen my dress in real life, and having it made custom designed by a couture designer, however, when I saw a picture of it I just knew, that's it!! So don't set your mind on finding "The One" in person, you might spot something in a magazine or the internet, so happy searching and ENJOY!
: )

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 8:08 AM Go to message in response to: kels12

The thing is... there is this huge build up about THE dress. Like THE dress is out there and when you put it on you will be magically transformed into the most beautiful being on the planet. You will know when you put on THE dress because tears will come to your eyes, harps will play, and you will feel elation, peace, joy, excitement, etc.

You want to know what makes it THE dress? It's THE dress you will wear when you marry the man you love. THAT is where the magical transformation from mere cloth to miracle outfit happens. Your joy in that moment is what makes you the most beautiful being on the planet.

What you should look for in a dress.

1. A dress that you can afford (don't even try on ones you can't)

2. A dress that YOU wear....not one that wears YOU

3. A dress you are comfortable in ... matches your personality (for example, a strapless might look good on me, but I'd be self conscious the whole night)

4. One that flatters the body you HAVE (Weddings are stressful enough without adding a work out routine because there is no other way you're going to fit into the dress. Remember, your FH loves you and proposed to you the way you are. You do not have to change)

Happy Hunting!



Stephy77 Posts : 109 Registered: 9/2/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 5:09 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

I had to go to a few places and try on lots of dresses before I found mine and I did have the feeling you described. My hold up was I thought I knew what I wanted in a dress and I was wrong. Try on anything that catches your eye, you may suprise yourself.


Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 7:02 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Great advice Cat!


CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 28, 2009 11:55 PM Go to message in response to: Stephy77

A lot of brides DO get that fluttery feeling... but a lot do not. However, just like the fallacy of "this is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives" which causes brides to feel stress because they are not happy all day every day during their engagement, the magical dress feeling is something that a lot of brides go in search of and do not get. But we THINK we're supposed to get it.

I know how I feel in my dress -- it's mine. I gave it a test even to make sure, and it passed my little "fate" test.

The bridal consultant found it for me the first time I tried it on -- I had someone who had offered to make my wedding dress, in the Celtic style, so I had no intention of putting it on. I loved it, but again, I wasn't buying a wedding dress.

I basically was trying on dresses just to have the mother daughter wedding dress shopping experience the day that my mom bought her MOB dress.

But I thought about it. My mom wanted me to go with her when she paid off/picked up her dress. And I had been thinking about that dress for the 60 days of layaway that they offered. And I decided if that dress was on the mannequin (since I'd never find it) when I went in the store, I'd try it on again and make a decision. Guess where that dress was!

But when I went in two days later to pick up a veil, it was NOT on the mannequin (and I ordered mine, so it was not like mine was the one on the mannequin)

I still love the dress, and I've seen pretty dresses -- dresses that I just don't see as 'me' For example, I had seen Heidi's LOVELY dress online and wanted to try it on. It did nothing for me, but it looks great on her <G>.

But still, we do not all get this "omg.. this is the dress." feeling as we wave our hands in front of our eyes to stave off the tears. if you don't get it, don't stress over it.



CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 8:13 AM Go to message in response to: kels12

You will know it's THE dress when you try it on in the store and you don't want to take it off lol.

The moment I got engaged I looked online for dresses. I fell in love with one I saw at David'sBridal.com. No matter how many dresses I saw in magizines and online THAT dress is the only one that I trully fell head over heels for. But I convinced myself that I can't fall in love with one dress right away.

So 7 months later I went to David's Bridal to look at bridesmaids dresses. While I was there I ended up trying 2 dreses that looked nice. They looked ok on me. Then I tried on that dress that I had my eyes on for months. The moment I put it on and looked in the mirror it was a "WOW" moment! I did not want to take it off! I think I wore it for 30 mintues haha. I bought the dress right there and then :)

You still have time to get a dress :) Try on as many dresses as you want and trust me, you will KNOW when it's THE ONE! Goodluck!

Visit my wedding website http://www.mywedding.com/alanandjarlyn

Sign my guestbook!!! :)


HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 9:47 AM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I didn't hear angels singing or want to cry when I found my dress. My experience was closer to what Cheetah said about how you don't want to take it off. BUT I will also say that even after I found what I thought was "the dress," I still continued shopping because it didn't fit my image of what I'd wanted or planned. After a couple more shops, though, I realized I was still thinking about that dress, so I went back for it.

The thing is is that if you also have your budget to worry about, you won't even necessarily be able to consider ones that you see is ads and think might be "the dress". I've seen dresses since my wedding that I think would've been much more "me," but they also cost at least 10 times what I paid. So make sure you mix your dreams with some reality.

preview image






Soon2bWellsFargo Posts : 125 Registered: 4/29/09
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: HappyGirl13

When I went dress shopping it was just to get a look at what was out there in my mind I had dresses in mind that I wanted. I was going to get those and there was nothing anyone could do to change my mind or so I thought. I went shopping with my friend and tried on some dresses and I liked them just fine. One was actually one of the dresses I had my mind set on and I was about to buy it when my friend happened across a dress that was nothing like anything I had tried on. It wasn't even close to any of those. I tried it on to humor her it turned out she was right. When I looked in the mirror I actually saw my entire wedding come together. I know that doesn't happen to everyone maybe not even to most people but that is how I knew it was THE dress.

I wish you luck with your hunt. Don't place so much pressure on yourself. Take your time and visit several shops your dress is out there somewhere. You will find it or it will find you.

Daddy's Little Girl


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Ebby102310 Posts : 57 Registered: 2/3/09
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 11:20 AM Go to message in response to: kels12

I think that we all have that problem at first, so it's normal. I actually bought my dress from a co-worker and it was perfect because not only was it a style I was looking at, now I have a year or so to do any alterations or add little details to make it completely mine.

My suggestion is to look for something that is your personal flavor. You might not be into the very formal dresses, or you might want something soft and classic. Create a binder of dresses that you like, or go shopping with friends. True friends are very honest and won't let you pick something not you.

Also look at some consignment shops, sometimes you can find a treasure that fits your personality and style and will be the one.

Good luck!

After the wedding comes the real funSmile


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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 11:36 AM Go to message in response to: Ebby102310

I tried on about 40 gowns before I found the one. Take your time and try to stay calm. I also would only try on 3 or 4 dresses at a time, so you don't become overwhelmed and the dress don't run together.

If there is a style you have "liked" more than others, stick with that style and work from there.



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cdnchic Posts : 7 Registered: 10/1/09
Re: having trouble finding THE dress
Posted: Oct 1, 2009 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

I'm new to this but i saw your post the other day and i to have tried on about 60-80 dresses. Everyone says you know when you know . I loved 2 dresses and wish i could have combined them but last night i found THE DRESS. I put my deposit down :-). Everyone was right you know when you know and don't stress about it . I'm actually sad the dress hunt is over

Good luck and have Fun


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