I feel like Bridzilla

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Korina Posts : 11 Registered: 12/16/08
I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 9:03 AM

Ever since i was about 12 years old i have been dreaming about my wedding, even going to davids bridals.com and searching for the "perfect dress" and now my wedding is coming in just one year. I want my wedding to be perfect, with a cinderella dress, the lights the music. I have even considered yelling at the lady in the wedding dress shop because she was not bringing me any sort of dress that i want to see. But I feel that i don't deserve a perfect wedding seeing how im only 21 years old and havent kissed that many "frogs". I also feel horrible becasue my family told me they would pay for my wedding but i think after i tell them the sort of wedding that i want they are going to take it back. Is it so horrible that i want the perfect wedding when my family is paying for everything?

<3 because you want to........fall in <3 becasue you want

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Soon2bWellsFargo Posts : 125 Registered: 4/29/09
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 9:13 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

Why not do all the research, find the costs for everything then tell you family and let them decide what they can afford. If you and your fiance contribute to the costs you should be able to have the wedding of your dreams.
Daddy's Little Girl

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 9:31 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

First off, you should never yell at the poor bridal store attendants. They can't read your mind. If you're going to David's, then search online, print out a bunch of dresses that you like, and then meet with your consultant and say, "I want to see these ones." Then she's SURE to bring you dresses that you like. Or go to another store and browse on your own. Most bridal salons will let you look through the dresses on your own, rather than trying to make a consultant read your mind.

About the issue of your parents paying, have they given you a budget? If not, then it's time to discuss it with them. Most likely, you'll find out that you don't have the money for the 'perfect wedding' that you've envisioned all these years. Very few people do - so they compromise and plan the best wedding that they can with the resources they have. So step one is to figure out what you have to work with. It's great that your parents have offered to pay, but I'm sure they have a budget in mind. They're the ones who are paying, so they determine the amount that they pay, not you. (Remember the golden rule: he who has the gold makes the rules) If you talk to your parents and find that the money they're offering isn't enough for your perfect wedding, you have two choices: either plan a less extravagant wedding on the budget your parents give you, or supplement it with your own money.

Incidentally, don't forget that there's another player in this who may have his own ideas of what he wants his wedding to be. Just because you've been dreaming about your wedding since you were 12 doesn't mean that your wishes should trump your FH's. This isn't just your day - it's his wedding day as well, and he deserves to get what he wants, too. If you find that you want different types of weddings, you'll have to compromise. I don't care how long you've dreamed about the perfect wedding - none of the details of the day are as important as the man you're marrying.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 10:57 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

Wow, this post is all over the place.

So, you have always fantasized about your wedding since you were a little girl. That part is pretty normal. (I never did that myself, but realize lots of women did.) But heres where you start to lose me: "I have even considered yelling at the lady in the wedding dress shop because she is not bringing me any sort of dress that I want to see." Huh? So thats part fo your fantasy? Why? I dont get it. Please dont do this in real life. Its totally rude, and it certainly will not get you the dream dress you want. It will merely piss off the very people who are trying to help you.

And then you continue to lose me with this: "I feel I dont deserve the perfect wedding seeing how Im only 21 years old and havent kissed that many frogs."

Again, dont understand what youre saying here. Do you think you are too young to get married? If so, then you have some soul searching and some serious thinking to do. Also, there is no such thing as a perfect wedding. Life is not a fairy tale. And I dont understand the concept of "deserving" a perfect wedding either. You either want to get married or you dont. Are you ready? If so, then start planning your wedding. Who cares how many frogs youve kissed? Again, this aint Disney.

As for your family offering to pay for everything, be incredibly grateful for that. A lot of people who are planning their weddings dont have any help at all. This is the real worlld. You need to sit down with your parents, and discuss what the budget will be for the wedding. Then you need to work within that budget. If you are already anticipating that you will need MORE than whatever it is they are offering, well then get to work and start saving up. Chip in. If you have a very specific thing in mind, then youll have to work to make that happen. But please dont crap all over the people who want to help you here. i.e, your parents, the bridal store, etc. If you do, you will find yourself with no help at all.

You seem awfully obsessed with the IDEA of your perfect wedding, and yet you havent mentioned one word about MARRIAGE. Are you really ready for what comes after the wedding? Just make sure youre not letting all your wedding fantasies cloud your judgement when it comes to marriage.

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ChelsRae85 Posts : 371 Registered: 5/16/09
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 11:13 AM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

I feel like this post addresses so many issues. Let me try to break them down:

1. I will always, always, always respond that if your parents are paying for your wedding, be prepared to compromise and let them have "their way", perhaps even the majority of the time. Their money, their party, their rules. That's how it works. That said, if your parents are reasonable folks, they'll understand that it's your wedding and consider your choices. But, don't expect your parents to be reasonable if you're not willing to be reasonable either. My parents aren't even paying for my wedding, but I've already made several compromises to keep them happy. I'm using my parents' minister although I'm not religious, just to keep the family peace. I really want to do my own florals, but instead I'm letting my mom's sister do them, also to keep her appeased. There are other things I won't budge on, but just be prepared to stand your ground on some things and be more flexible on others. Remember that weddings are a big day for your parents too, and they're probably dealing with a lot of their own emotions on that day and the days leading up to it.

2. If you have to question your own age or be defensive about it, you've probably got some things you need to work out in your own head. I'm not saying that to be mean or rude. I'm saying it because I'm only three years older than you, but I can tell you that even though I thought three years ago I was mature enough to get married, I definitely wasn't, and I've seen more than my fair share of young women make the mistake of marrying before they were ready. Please do some soul-searching, for your own benefit. Also? I'm not saying this to be mean but really it's something to think about: if you're mature enough to be married, then you're also mature enough to a.) contribute in some ways financially to your own wedding if you really want things to go your way, and b.) compromise a little and don't get hung up on too many of the details that in the end, won't matter.

3. Many of us think about our wedding days for years before we're married. There's no shame in that. My concern is when you start imagining it as a "perfect day". It will never be perfect and there will inevitably be little things that go wrong. Please don't hype yourself up to the point where your wedding turns into a letdown. Be realistic from the get-go.

4. I'm not being a jerk, but reading in colored fonts is very difficult for me on my monitor. Can you please post in black from now on?
My Planning Blog

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 12:06 PM Go to message in response to: Korina

Well.... confronting your zilla before releasing her is a good thing. Always remember she's there, waiting to roar <G>

Regarding the perfect wedding:

Only ONE thing has to happen on your wedding day, everything else is, shall we say, the icing. You and your fiance say your vows and commit to one another. That's the PERFECT wedding. If that happens and everything else goes wrong, you and your guests got what you paid for.

This is my mantra.... mine is coming up in a little over 3 months. I'm not nervous about the marriage... the wedding is another story <G>. I want perfect. I do. I want every detail to be remarkable and amazing. I want people to think "This was the most meaningful wedding I have ever been to". That being said, I know that if everything goes right... I won't remember it. I'm a second time bride. I know what I remember from my first wedding.

I remember the "Runner for the Runner" -- outdoor wedding and my self appointed wedding coordinator forgot the aisle runner. So, just after my carriage pulled up, she remembered it. She sent someone running to the parking lot to get it and then they put it down upside down (I had bought one that had lace on one side and vinyl bottom... the vinyl side was up).

I remember the music -- my uncle was in charge of the tape. I had one side that was the music for the seating -- all carefully selected. AND IT WAS QUEUED UP! And the other side was ceremony music. When the carriage pulled up, I heard the ceremony music. He had REWOUND the blasted tape, put the ceremony music in for the seating. And while the runner was running, he was rewinding. Then as soon as I got to the front, he hit the stop button.... so there was a huge "CLICK" Nope... didn't let the song finish it's four remaining measures... didn't fade it down and then turn it off. So when we were ready to leave, of course the remaining four measures of the ENTRY song played before the exit song.

I remember that when we got to my Aunt's house after the reception, my dad dropped a completely unused tray of meat and cheese on the driveway (my GOD was he hot over that... I mean, the thing WAS about $50.... And we were planning on packing up picnic lunches for all the relations who were still about with it. I tried to cheer him up and say "At least it was after the reception.... so it didn't have to be replaced only to not be used." It didn't help any.)

I remember it POURED buckets that morning. My wedding was outdoors at 2 and I had refused to plan an alternate venue (drove mom nicely nuts, especially when she was awakened by thunder and pouring rain at 6 am and it was still pouring at 10. and I STILL would not negotiate on my location. It was not going to rain on my wedding. That was final. <Note: It stopped at 11 and by the wedding time, it was beautiful and all the grass looked freshly washed and vibrantly green, so I was *right*>)

Do I remember my vows or what my XH looked like as I walked to meet him or what the pastor said or anything else? Anything that went right? No, not really.

So I know that it is what goes wrong that I will remember, though my guests will remember what goes right.

But the bottom line, no matter what happens... if the caterer (heaven forbid) drops the cake or the power goes out or any other 'disaster'.... only one thing has to happen on your wedding day for the wedding to be a success. You and your Fiance get married. That's it.

Everything else is the icing... the fantasy. And you can still live happily ever after, even if your wedding is not movie magic perfect.

Misty

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 1:36 PM Go to message in response to: Korina

Just to reinforce what Kelley and Cat already have said--there is no such thing as the "perfect" wedding! The sooner you let go of that notion, the happier you are going to be. That being said, I do believe in plan, plan, plan. But, at a certain point, it's out of your hands. If someone spills red wine on your dress, the cake tilts over, or the band plays the Macarena, there's nothing you can do at that point but laugh it off. Your guests will take their cue from you--if you're an uptight, unsmiling Bridezilla, they will not have a good time, no matter how "perfect" your wedding is. If you're relaxed and joyous, they'll be happy with cheese and crackers.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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CoutureBride27 Posts : 130 Registered: 5/5/09
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 22, 2009 7:14 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

But I feel that i don't deserve a perfect wedding seeing how im only 21 years old and havent kissed that many "frogs". I also feel horrible becasue my family told me they would pay for my wedding but i think after i tell them the sort of wedding that i want they are going to take it back. Is it so horrible that i want the perfect wedding when my family is paying for everything?

I'm slightly confused by your comment, are you worried about the payments or about your FH (comment about not having kissed too many frogs)? Perhaps your parents are not aware of the full costs of a wedding, so it's imperative that you involve them every quote. My parents are also paying for our wedding, however, saying that it doesn't mean that we're not contributing as both of us are working, so we've agreed with my parents what we're liaible for and vice versa. You'll need to get quotes for every item you plan on having, and you will need to sit with your parents to discuss all the options and then decide which ones are best for you, both for your vision/theme and budget ; ) .

It's not horrible wanting your perfect wedding, I think every bride-to-be dreams of her perfect wedding. As long as you take your parents into consideration when planning, especially when they're paying for it, all should be good to go!

Cherish all your happy moments:  they make a fine cushion for old age.

**Christopher Morley**

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Heidibride30 Posts : 1,201 Registered: 4/16/08
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 22, 2009 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

I'm with Cat here. The perfect wedding is the one in which you and your FH get married. Simple as that. I had all kinds of ideas before I actually started planning. Some of them, we've been able to incorporate. Others, no way, too expensive. And you know what, I'm not going to miss them. I will be so happy that day that I won't even notice the things that are missing. It's the brides who dream of a "perfect" wedding that end up disappointed. Something WILL go wrong. It's inevitable. At my sister's wedding, someone had stolen her cake topper. No worries, the caterer went out to the rose garden and cut fresh flowers for the top and it was beautiful. No one knew that they hadn't planned for that. Gretchen could have thrown a tantrum (and she was a little bummed) but she just said that the cake was beautiful and left it at that. Now we laugh about it.

 

Proud member and S.C.A.T. of POOP - People Offended by Offended People

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 22, 2009 9:13 AM Go to message in response to: myra

Just to reinforce what Kelley and Cat already have said--there is no such thing as the "perfect" wedding!

Mine was perfect - but what made it perfect wasn't any of the details of the day or any of the 'stuff' that we had planned in advance. All of that could have been a disaster and I'd still say that the wedding was perfect. I married the man I love and spent the day surrounded by everyone in the world that I love the most. THAT is what made my wedding perfect - not the food, the dress, the decorations, or anything like that.

So I do believe it's possible to have a perfect wedding. Mine was perfect. But not because of the stuff. It was perfect because of the event that took place that day and the people who came to share it with us.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 22, 2009 1:41 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

Of course. You and I really are saying the same thing. Don't focus on the trivial details and let them spoil your happiness and everyone else's. Plan the best you can, then kick back and enjoy. Little stuff will go wrong--but, so what?
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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Korina Posts : 11 Registered: 12/16/08
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Jun 22, 2009 3:13 PM Go to message in response to: Korina

Thank you all so much! I have now realized that sometimes things cant be perfect and that all i should care about it that me and my best friend are getting married . And i now realized that little things are going to go wrong, and i am just going to have to say to myself "okay, the only thing that matters to me is that i having fun with the person i love.

Thanks again, i have my own little family on brides.com that help me in my time of needs.

<3

<3 because you want to........fall in <3 becasue you want

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Kimberly212 Posts : 972 Registered: 9/12/12
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Sep 27, 2012 9:00 PM Go to message in response to: Korina

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: I feel like Bridzilla
Posted: Dec 25, 2012 12:25 AM Go to message in response to: Korina

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