problems having our first time

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Jul 2, 2009 5:03 PM Go to message in response to: Logikos

Logikos:

Honestly, I doubt you'll read this, but on the off chance...

You need to chill out.

I'm not talking about religion or anything else--I'm talking about with your wife.

You have a lifetime together. Surely you can give her more time to adjust to things and to become more comfortable with the level of intimacy that she is experiencing.

Your wife went from one extreme to the other overnight in a lot of different ways. You cannot expect her to be 100% comfortable with everything right away. Especially since it doesn't really sound like she had any sex ed and doesn't understand how her own body works. I really think that the best thing you can do is stop pressuring her. There are lots of other ways to find pleasure in each other that don't hurt her. Be satisfied with those things until your wife is able to have sex.

As far as her physical issues, you NEED to get her a doctor. Definitely a woman, and preferably one who is of your wife's culture. My insurance company has a website with a search engine for covered doctors in my area, and you can even specify your search to gender and language. And forget about the cost--your wife's health is the most important thing.

I know someone suggested watching a porn or something like that, but from reading your posts I really doubt that would be helpful. I think it would be really intimidating to your wife. An alternative would be buying some instructional books and reading them together. These are a couple of books I've heard good things about--they are written by Christian authors:

Intended for Pleasure by Dr. Ed Wheat
Love Life for Every Married Couple by Dr. Ed Wheat

There is also a website I ran across that you might find helpful: www.marriageintimacy.com
It is a Christian website and includes a book list and several articles on common problems with newly married couples and intimacy. I read one that said the following:

When a young couple begins their life together as husband and wife, they usually don't spend too much time talking about their sexual knowledge or experience. Quite frankly, they typically take this aspect of their relationship for granted - and why not? They're young, they're in love and they're married. Isn't that the perfect recipe for passionate and fulfilling physical intimacy?

It also said this:

Assume responsibility. When a couple is experiencing sexual dysfunction in their relationship, it's too easy for one spouse to blame the other for the problems. Not only is that unfair, it also demonstrates a lack of responsibility. Each spouse must assume responsibility for his or her own body and related sexual issues. It's the only way for a couple to truly come together as one, building the kind of physical intimacy into their marriage that they each desire.

It sounds to me like your wife isn't the only one with issues, it's just that you are having different issues, and you need to work together to resolve them.

Oh, and don't you dare think for one more minute about forcing your wife to have sex. That is wrong on so many levels.

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YourNameHere Posts : 5 Registered: 7/12/09
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 7:27 AM Go to message in response to: Logikos

This is just a possibility and i definately don't want to alarm you. Certain types of truama, specifically forced penatration, can cause scaring in the vagina. Even many years later, this could cause the type of pain that you are describing.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: YourNameHere

How did I miss this one? God and sex - together at last!

I love it that some of the craziest religious people on the internet go on and on about how they're Christian, but they never mention their specific religion. There are many different Christian sects and religions and they don't all believe the same things. Just pointing that out. They're all into Jesus like this guy, but what exactly do they believe? They never seem to say, but whatever it is, they want you to believe it, too. That bugs me. I'm a Christian, but my beliefs are very different from the OP's. It bugs me that people like him think that all Christians follow the same set of beliefs. Other than a common belief in Jesus, most Christian religions are very different from one another.

Anywho, it's probably best that they can't seem to do the deed, because people who don't know what a pap smear is really don't have any business having sex. And women who wash their vaginas obsessively with soap (that must get awkward in a public restroom...) and then wonder why they get yeast infections really don't have any business doing much of anything.

Incidentally, I went to Planned Parenthood for birth control when I didn't have insurance, and I never felt like they pushed abortion. They simply make it available for those that want it. Many doctors offer the same services. I understand that many people are anti-abortion, but it's legal. It's certainly not required. If you don't like it, don't get one. That seems pretty simple to me. But the fact remains that low-cost clinics such as Planned Parenthood are intended for women like the OP's wife, who have no insurance. (Incidentally, why not just get insurance instead of complaining about the cost of going to the doctor? Even if neither of you can get it through work, there are private companies that offer medical insurance. I'm sure you could get some type of coverage.)

And I'm not sure how you research good doctors on the internet. You can get doctors's names on the internet and even read reviews...but the best way to find a good doctor is to ask your friends.

And while I'm on the topic, why did the OP come to a wedding forum to ask a sex question? That wouldn't have been my first instinct. I probably would have gone to WebMD, but that's me. Or a sex forum. I'm sure there are Christian sex forums out there. I doubt that they're any fun, but I'm sure he could have gotten an answer to his question there. Yeah...I really don't know what lead him here. Can you imagine his thought process? 'Ok, I have to figure out why it hurts my wife when we try to have sex. Where can I get an answer to this question? I know! Brides.com!' HUH?

Personally, I think this guy just wanted us to tell him that his dick is too big.


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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Jul 12, 2009 11:19 AM Go to message in response to: YourNameHere

Art, you missed the thread because it was dead long ago, when the creepy OP stopped posting.
Hes long gone. Probably off somewhere obsessing about his wifes vagina. Freak.

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BlushingBridezi... Posts : 99 Registered: 7/21/09
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Jul 29, 2009 6:24 AM Go to message in response to: ChelsRae85

Wow, I agree with the OP that you must have felt insecure and convicted otherwise you wouldn't have attacked him like that. He was being VERY polite and respectful, and just wanted help. Yet you felt the need to cop an attitude with him simply because he feels like watching porn is wrong?? Sounds very familiar! He did nothing wrong...you are just a very rude person who can't accept other views. He wasn't even talking about YOU and your personal interest in porn...he was talking about HIMSELF...so why do you feel you have the right to attack him for his lifestyle choice? You are wayyyy to sensitive about the issue. This thread is about HIM and his situation...not YOU.
-The Blushing Bride

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Shalmar Posts : 1 Registered: 10/11/09
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 11, 2009 1:21 AM Go to message in response to: Logikos

http://www.vaginismus.com/faqs/vaginismus-questions/vagina-too-small


try this website...you might find some useful information, but only an obgyn can confirm...

God bless...

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SarahsFairytale Posts : 28 Registered: 9/24/07
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 11, 2009 10:27 PM Go to message in response to: Shalmar

This thread is the ultimate example of how so many people on these boards just look for arguments, particularly against the "religious." How old are you all? Most of us here are planning weddings/ living married life. How much free time do you have to be lurking bridal websites just waiting for your shining moment to show your "intelligence" and promote YOUR thoughts on abortion and wrongfully attack someone else's faith. TOLERANCE IS A TWO WAY STREET. grow up and get a life...and yes, just maybe you WILL find one in a "bible-believing" church.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 11, 2009 11:31 PM Go to message in response to: SarahsFairytale

"TOLERANCE IS A TWO WAY STREET"

Looks like you missed your own memo.

And P.S. I'm a Christian, but after centuries of religious fanatics beating down on non-believers, it really doesn't surprised or offend me that people push back against religion.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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SarahsFairytale Posts : 28 Registered: 9/24/07
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 12:39 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

no I did not miss my own memo but your attempt at humor is appreciated.

PS. I don't care what you call yourself, labels mean little. As for years of religious fanatics beating down on non-believers...are you seriously going there? Are you implying that that is a fine excuse for generalizing all christians today and ever to be "religious fanatics" who "beat down" their views on everyone who's opinion differs? that's a great idea, let's do that with more aspects of humanity. all we'll get is prejudice in return...ya know, if you're "intelligent enough to read between the lines."

Edited by: SarahsFairytale on Oct 12, 2009 12:40 PM

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 1:40 PM Go to message in response to: SarahsFairytale

Ha ha ha ha ha too funny, lets dig up an old dead thread and post on it to start up an old argument. Like there isn't enough things going on on the board today. I love it. I was looking for a laugh today Thank you.

 

 

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 2:30 PM Go to message in response to: SarahsFairytale

Hmmm, randomly resurrecting a thread that was LONG AGO ANCIENT ... twice actually ... and where the OP hasnt been around in wellover 6 months ... purpose???

Seems to me the only person who gets off on "looking for arguments" on these boards is you, Sarah. And seriously, talk about a total overreaction on your part as well. Take it down a notch.

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 10:50 PM Go to message in response to: kelleyiskelley

"Are you implying that that is a fine excuse for generalizing all christians today and ever to be "religious fanatics" who "beat down" their views on everyone who's opinion differs"

Nope, I'm not making generalizations at all. There are some religous fanatics out there, as there are fanatics about anything, and I was simply talking about them.

So yeah, slight overreaction, no worries. Though I'm pretty sure YOUR snotty tone doesn't exactly reak of enlightenment, so you may want to be careful about the "labels mean nothing" comments.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 10:58 PM Go to message in response to: BirdLover

There are plenty of whack jobs through all walks of life - this is proving it.

 

 

 

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BirdLover Posts : 2,834 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 12, 2009 11:12 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Agreed.
Lilypie 1st Birthday Ticker

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lesasue86 Posts : 75 Registered: 9/8/09
Re: problems having our first time
Posted: Oct 30, 2009 3:30 PM Go to message in response to: Logikos

Lubricants are good to use. Why don't you consult a gynecologist? She may have some problem or get her scan done. Don't worry there is a cure for every thing.
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