Hi, my wife and I were engaged for 5 years before getting married 5/30/2009. Both of us are virgins although because of my past sinful life style I have seen ALOT of porn i'm ashamed to admit.

at any rate, the reason why i took the time to creat an account and post is because dispite our attempts we have been unable to have our first time. she gets very excited and wet (sorry for being graphic) but when we try it hurts her so bad it almost brings her to tears. I go slow, bit by bit only when she says i can, we do plenty of for play before hand... as far as I know we are doing everything right.

i brought some lube to try to help things along but when we try to use it it burns her on the inside. she has very sensitive skin. we have since bought 3 different kinds of lube, all unsented and unflavored. we tryed normal KY and i even got so desperate as to go to an adult store and ask for advice. they gave me a water based lube and promised me it would bot burn, yet it burned ... although not as quickly as the others.

we are useing lubercated condoms, and the lube on the condom doesnt burn her (i put one on a finger a few times so that my finger nails wouldnt hurt her and we tryed to lossen her enterence that way)

in an atempt to get past the pain herself she has tryed inserting her own finger, and then fingers (she was able to do 2 fingers once but it hurt her bad and she got blood) her fingers are very narrow though.

she has tryed getting on top so she could control things ... i got half way in or so and she couldnt bear it anymore.

we had a wonderful honny moon and its going on 3 weeks now since we have been married but this is obviously a problem, i could force it but if she hates it she will never want to do it again...

any advice is apricated

I agree with Happy. Maybe she should see an OBGYN. They can give you some advice about what is going on and maybe even other things that may help.

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Thanks for the replys, when we first meet she had never been to an OBGYN before. she is indian and was raised in kuwait and before meeting me she knew absolutly nothing about anything sexual, not even how her own body works...

she has been in the US since '02 and is now a citisizen however about 2 to 3 years ago she started itching down there really badly and after about a year i finaly forced her to go see an OBGYN ... with no insurance it cost us like $230 or something to have the doctor say she was fine and that it was just a yeast infection. how a virgin girl who never does anything sexualy and washes her self thuraly every time she uses the bathroom (she has unusualy bathroom habits) gets a yeast infection i dont know.

the doc gave her some pills which helped a little but not much. a year later she was still itching so we went back and the doc said the yeast infection was gone and recomeded some cream for the itching which didnt work. ... anouther $100+ out the window

we then went to a dermotolgest .. which cost us a couple hundered also who said the itching was caused by ..... some long word which i dont remember that basicly means that because she scratched so much the skin was dry and callised which was causeing the itching? ... at any rate she perscribed this ouintment to help the skin go back to normal and releave the itchy feeling ... which works when she uses it ... however she's having to actualy put it around her clity and everything ... inside the lips a bit ... which i dont think is a good idea but she says it helps

but when she doesnt use it for a week or so she starts itching again ...

i'm sure there are some good doctors out there but my experience with doctors in the past has been extreamly bad ... you spend alot of money and get no results ... or results like these which only mask the sympton rather than take care of the problem ... something is causeing her to itch like mad ... this cream is only temporairly masking the itchy feeling so she doesnt scratch herself raw


but this post isnt about her itchy problem ... its just to explain that she has been to an OBGYN ...

my wife is extreamly shy and it was like pulling teeth to get her to go to both doctors ... we have not been to the OBGYN about this exact issue, however when we were there she checked everything includeing a pap smear (whatever that is) and said my wife is perfectly healthy

back to the original problem, someone recomded we try olive oil (that is what his wife used to help her give birth i guess 4 different times) ... any thoughts on that?

I dont really care much about the porn, I was only bringing that up to make the point that pornography doesnt show much in the way of how to please a woman, and if that was the only place you were getting your sex education from, it wouldnt have done much good lol.

Im glad to hear that you are taking the time to do some foreplay with her, and that you seem to be a caring person who wants your wife to enjoy herself in the bedroom.

But, I cannot stress enough how important it is that she find and see a regular gynocologist. The fact that you do not know what a papsmear is is NOT a good sign. It is extremely important!!! It is a test for cervical cancer. And ALL women should be getting one at least once per year. And as far as her gettinga yeast infection, again, you havent done your research. Yeast infections can be caused by so many things, not just by having sex. It is bacteria and can be caused by outside environment issues, cotton underwear, not letting your body breathe, or even certain soaps and lotions can cause that.

Im sorry you have had negative experiences with doctors before, but you cannot ignore this problem. Your wife is in PAIN when you have sex. She most likely has a medical condition that can be corrected with the proper care. You are not a doctor and you shouldnt be doing guesswork here.

If anything, she needs to be seen by a doctor at a clinic such as Planned Parenthood etc, which accept whatever money you have or do payment plans and can give her good advice about where to go in the future.

Dont ignore this and hope it will go away.

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Thats what I meant, that whenever you attempt to enter her, it hurts her to the point where you have to stop. And NO, that is NOT normal, even for a virgin. Normal is a bit of pain upon original entry, and then it goes away and gets easier each time. She should not be in so much pain that you cannot continue. Something else is wrong here, and she NEEDS medical attention to find out what that something is. And yes, its not good to use soap and water inside your vagina, that could very well be causing problems and itching and infections etc. She needs to be very gentle with that area, and being shy is no reason to avoid doctors. This is serious stuff, and if you let it continue, it could get more serious. YOU are not her doctor, and you should not be dealing with this stuff. This should be between her and her gynocologist. You need to be there for support, but she needs to find a doctor or someone she feels she can trust to go and see about all this. If you dont like gynos and Planned Parenthood is out of the question, then I dont know what else to say to you. I was just offering something like that because clinics and places like that are there for people like you without insurance. Bottom line is, she needs to be diagnosed and looked at by a professional.

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Logikos,

You said she's an Indian women? My suggestion is that you find an Indian female gynocologist. Chances are, your wife will feel the most comfortable with another Indian woman, who can understand her shyness. I understand being shy, and worrying about hygiene, but the cleaning practices your wife uses are dangerous to her health.

This isn't a problem of faith, or of sex -- this is a health problem, and the best way to deal with it is to speak to a health professional. But no matter how much money you spend, you'll get nothing in return if she isn't completely honest with the doctor about everything -- what she's been using, the issues with sex, the kind of lubricants you've been using. . .you need to put it all out there, or else you won't get your money's worth.

Kelley mentioned endometrioses -- it's worth looking it up on webmd.com. Although webmd still is no substitute for an actual MD.

Also, while I understand your objection to Planned Parenthood -- I'm guessing it's a religious objection -- what Planned Parenthood does is provide low cost health care to people who need it. There are hopefully other low cost clinics in your area, and I strongly suggest you look one up. Your local library would be one place to ask, or perhaps your local hospital may know of something nearby.

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wow, okay

First - no i'm not a doctor, my pastors wife is not a doctor, nor do we try to be or claim to be nor are we trying to avoid doctors for a religious reason (although i refuse to go to planned parenthood because of how strongly they push abortion)

Second - I WANT her to see a GOOD doctor, and if you read my posts youd have read that i was looking them up and calling them trying to find the best one, a bunch of you are getting worked up and it seems its because you think i'm trying to be a substitue for a doctor, if i thought i knew what the heck i was doing i wouldnt have posted here lol

Third - when talking about porn i was talking about me, not any of you, although it seems your very sensitive and obviously have goten convicted to have responded so agressivaly at a statment that i directed at myself ... perhaps you should find a good bible beleiving church and read the book ... that is not a smart remark back, its sincear advice ... you say your not ashamed but obviously its bothering you else you'd not have replyed like that.

Forth - to those who tryed to help in a loveing way thank you, i do (still) plan to have her see a doctor once i find a good one, however asking questions here and looking things up online will enable me to give her some basic (non professional) information before we go.

Thanks again,

Logikos

I've directed not one insulting word to you, nor preached at you, nor anyone else

yet you continue to be sencitive and insulting.

I came here looking for advice, i was not attacking you, you read a few lines about me talking about my own past, passing no judgment not stated or implyed or otherwise. to a Christian the insite would have ment something in answering my question .. if it ment nothing to you just dismiss it

i'm sure its not healthy to harbor such anger and bitterness like this?

people will talk about the things they please, i'm sure there are many other threads here that contain things that i would consider vaulger ... am i posting on those threads trying to convert or judge? ... no ... if i come accross one i just close it and move on....

grow up a little