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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
finances
Posted: Jun 17, 2009 9:06 PM

So I am getting worried about finances after FH and i get married. Even though the auctual wedding isnt for a few years we are getting married here in japan. Let me explain:

Me: I save!! i put atleast 100 a month into my savings. and then i try not to spend about half of what is left after bills (phone, internet/cable, Car payment in states, car payment in japan).So all together ai pay an average of 600 for bills. And for 20 i'm not doing to bad for myself. I can do what ever and not be worried.

FH:Makes the same amount as me! somehow ends up close to the negative right before to payday. we get paid on the 1, and 15, of each month. He pays no bills!! I dont get it, the only thing he spends money on is food, and occosinally his mom will take money out of his account (joint checkin)

How do i bring this up? I dont want to be in a financial rut after marriage.It doesnt help that his only influence is FMIL, (his family has some money issues).But at the same time i really dont want to be a bitch. I love his family so much. Even though he has a job, i dont want to feel like the provider. And i know he hates it when i have to help him pay for something. Like he had some car problems, and i gave him 200. How do i teach him how to save for emergencys, like so.


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january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 20, 2009 10:02 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

You can always keep your finances separate. Not every couple has joint finances.

If you want to combine them, then I'd suggest putting YOU in charge of the bills. Teach him how to make (and live by) a budget and explain the importance of putting money into savings. It won't be easy - it's an uphill battle to change someone's financial habits, particularly if their parents lived the same way.

DH likes to spend more than I do, too. He's always paid his bills and he's never been as bad as your FH, but when he has money leftover after paying his bills, he thinks 'Oooo - I can buy a new toy!' rather than putting it into savings. Like your FH, he was taught bad financial habits by his parents, so this has been a hard habit to break and I've only had marginal success so far. Anyway, here's how we handle our finances, if you're interested:

1) We have a joint checking account, from which we pay all our bills - living expenses and individual bills, like student loans, etc. Our paychecks are direct deposited into this account. Though both our names are on this account, I manage it and DH isn't supposed to mess with it.

2) We also have individual checking accounts. Every pay period, I put equal amounts into each of our individual accounts. This is our 'spending money.' I couldn't care less whether he spends or saves it - but that's his budget for spending, and once it's gone, I don't care how much he wants something. He's not getting it!

3) We have an ING savings account in my name. I put a certain amount of money per month into the account and forget about it. The account is in my name because DH has never really learned the purpose of a savings account. If he sees money in an account, he thinks it's free to be spent. He's slowly losing that attitude, but he still doesn't want to know anything about that account, so he's not tempted to tap into it.

4) I'm rather obsessive about my 401K and other investments, so I made DH increase his 401K contributions. He didn't think he could afford to, but I convinced him that he won't even miss it. Anyway, that was a big thing for me. If I'm sacrificing some of my income now to better provide for us in the future, he shouldn't be spending his! So I talked him into increasing his contributions to a level that made me more comfortable.

Oh - I almost forgot to mention this! Why is his mom taking money out of his account? I assume that she's listed on his account so that she can handle his finances while he's deployed, but she shouldn't be just taking his money. My advice is for him to open another account with only HIS name on it and make that one his primary account. That way, he can transfer funds into the account with his mom's name on it IF he needs her to take care of financial business for him, but she doesn't have free access to all of his money whenever she wants.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People


Edited by: ArtBride on Jun 20, 2009 10:04 AM

january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 21, 2009 11:04 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

ArtBride!!!

I love your solution, by having the diffrent accounts. We will have to talk about that. And i think that is a great soultion. He does love his toys...lol.

As for his mom, his account was set up like that so she could pay his credit card, because he knew he would forget. And he and his mom are quite close. She is hurting financially, so she borrows it. What made it worse was....She used his account as a temporary savings for a down payment on a house...and forgot to tell him. He likes to spend....i remind you. And after getting the new house about a month ago...she will accidently use his card for something....and forget to tell him. He is fine with letting her borrow money,....however she never asks.

so just to make sure i get it....Sorry for repeating what you said.
1-joint checking (used for bills)
2-Seperate checking (play money)
3.Savings

I love it.! I hope he does too.

I cannot spell to save my life....Sorry!!!!And spell check sucks

AllisonWink

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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 23, 2009 12:59 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Yep, that's the way we do it! And the savings account is only in my name, so that DH doesn't see that there's money in it and spend it on something random. (That's not me being controlling - it was his suggestion to keep the savings somewhere where he can't see it and withdraw from it without talking to me about whether we really need to use the money for whatever he wants to use it for).

Urgh, that situation with his mother stinks! If I were him, I would take her name off the account and find a way to remind myself to pay the bill. Does his bank have online banking? I really couldn't live without online banking. You just enter your bills and account once and you can set it up so that the bill is paid every month automatically. Or does his credit card company have automatic payments? I honestly couldn't live without automatic bill pay of some sort. I have all our bills set up to be paid automatically, so all I have to do is log into online banking once a week or so to make sure that the payments are going through as scheduled and that the balance in the account is enough to cover the bills for the next week.

One other word of advice, if you do it this way: don't get debit cards for the joint account. If your joint account is for paying bills, why on earth do you need debit cards? You'll just use them! We initially got debit cards for our joint account and DH started using it for EVERYTHING. I finally took his debit card away to make him stick to the plan and use his personal account for spending!

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 23, 2009 3:27 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

that's pretty much how we do it too.

anytime a change in income occurs, we sit down and budget out how much we're bringing in, then go through how much our bills are each month and how much we want to keep putting in savings.

-we have a joint account where the majority of the money goes to bill our bills.

-we have a savings account where we put a certain dollar amount in each week.

-I have my own account, where I take out a certain dollar amount from my paychecks to cover lunch at work, gas for my car, and then a little extra to spend or save for myself.

-DH donates plasma each weeks and that money goes towards his snacks at work, gas for his car, and then anything extra he wants to spend or save for himself.

occasionally, if im out and run a little short on funds in my own account, ill take it out of the joint account, but make sure to put that amount back into the joint account on payday, so i get less from that paycheck for myself that week.

Friends since December 1997, together since December 2006
September 13, 2008 I legally became his and he became mine.

I tend to write long posts - short and simple doesn't exist with me!
That's how I am, take it or leave it.

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i , september_2008 , illinois_chicago
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MrsC Posts : 385 Registered: 4/7/06
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 24, 2009 4:54 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

We keep seperate accounts. We have our bills set up in a percent relation to how much we make. Since one makes more, one pays more. After the bills are paid we each have our own money to do as we see fit with. After paying my student loan (why should he be responsible for my education?) I contribute to my 401K (same % every check), I contribute to my Stocks, Mutual Fund, and Savings. Everything else is for clothes, dinners, whatever. I don't know if this helps or not but I like it because it makes us both responsible but I am in complete control of my own financial future.

Happily married since 8.18.06!

seperate_accounts , finances
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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 25, 2009 11:11 PM Go to message in response to: MrsC

Good news girls. We got married here in Japan on June 24. I am now Allison Foster.

I am in the process of tesching him online banking. It seems to be working.

AllisonWink

seperate_accounts , finances , january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 30, 2009 8:10 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

wow. DH just dictated me to be in chage of the finances. I was supprised. I guess it's because he knows he has a problem with money.
He talked to his mom, and she didn't realize that she was spending as much as she was. (some here...some there kind of thing) She agreed to start letting him know, and to stop using his money.

Thanks, he likes the idea of the seperate accounts.

AllisonWink

seperate_accounts , finances , january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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Mushaboo Posts : 2,166 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 30, 2009 10:52 PM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

Congrats on your wedding. DH and I have things set up like MrsC. We don't share any joint accounts. We both have a savings and drop a certain percent of our paychecks in there every week. I've never been to the point of not paying a bill. I always have at least $5K in savings. It doesn't get touched for ANYTHING.....car, clothes, shoes, nada. It's my "If my job screws me and fires me or lays me off fund. I have a seperate savings that averages about $1500 that is my "oh crap, I just have to have this new bag" fund. I never let it drop below $1K. My checking I never like to let get under $2K. That is my RAM.....my ready access money. lol

The reason I rambled on all about my 3 accounts is not to be rude. I've been working on getting those savings accounts to that amount for over 3 years. I was out of a job for about 4 months. I used almost $2500 of my emergency job fund. I don't make a large salary, but I budget myself very well. You and your DH need to set goals. Always have a certain amount of $$ in a savings in case you do lose your job. Invest in 401K, money markets, etc. Think about your future....do you want babies? Start a savings (like CD or IRA CD) for them now.

Good luck!

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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 30, 2009 11:35 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

I think im a pretty good saver. I've been saving for about a year now and have put about 3k in savings. I NEVER touch it either. I dont have to worry about our jobs screwing us over because we are in the military. When it comes to school for our kids, when we do have them, the military has programs for them. We do want kids. But not right now, we are both 20, and would like to wait a few more years. So by the time we do have children, we should have enough saved.

AllisonWink

january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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allisonfoster2B Posts : 65 Registered: 5/9/09
Re: finances
Posted: Jun 30, 2009 11:39 PM Go to message in response to: Mushaboo

GRRR.....my computer just deleted my post when i tried to post. Let's try this again.

We are both 20, so we plan on waiting a few more years before kids. And since we are in the military we don't have to worry about loosing our job. If anything does happen we will have a whiles notice. I've been saving for about a year and a hald and have put away about 3k. So if we keep to the plan then i think we should be able to do well with kids.

AllisonWink

january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 659 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: finances
Posted: Jul 1, 2009 1:05 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

FH & I are working to get our finances how we want them. Right now we have our own seperate checking & savings account. Our pay checks are deposited directly into our personal accounts. We also have a joint checking account and savings account. Once we get all of our bills set up to come out of the joint checking account (we are in the process of transitioning them all), then we will each deposit 50% of our bill cost from our personal checking account into the joint account. (Of course there will be a little extra fluff room just incase bills are more than expected). Our joint savings account is for the wedding, and we both put as much as we can into that account each month. However, bills that are individually mine or his come out of our own account. For example, as a gift not long ago, FH bought me a laptop. He refuses to have my money go toward a gift for me, so he wants to pay for that bill out of his own account. I have some things like that as well.

After the wedding is over, I plan to keep the joint savings account as a vacation/Christmas fund if FH agrees. Traveling is important to me, so that is something I'd like to set aside a little money for.

This works the best for us because we have different spending styles. For example, I don't calculate every down to the %, but on average, I choose to spend my paycheck by paying my half of the bills which is about 25%-30% of each check, tithing 10%, leaving maybe 10% in my checking account if I need it, and the rest goes into savings. Right now, nothing is going into my personal savings, it is all going to the wedding. However, if for any reason my personal savings dropped below 2Kish, i'd start directing more money there.

Basically this system gives us each control over our own money, but joint control over our mutual bills. I like it, and it was inspired by Art!

december_2009 , january_2013 , illinois_chicago
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JerseyGirlVA Posts : 311 Registered: 9/17/09
Re: finances
Posted: Sep 24, 2009 10:19 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

These are great posts for you- And I am in agreement with them all! Sharing one account for the two fo you to pay your mutual bills from should be different from your savings & his savings. Allow him to see how quickly your savings account adds up & then he'll compare it to his & hopefully get motivated to start doing the same thing. If he doesn't get motivated by that, then try to set a standard minimum deposit into savings each month. No one wants to be strapped for cash, but savings for a future together is important, especially when you've already got the hang of it!
Communication is key, so discuss these options with him & you'll be set! Goodluck & let us know how it goes!

virginia , january_2013 , september_2011 , illinois_chicago
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wzq103 Posts : 2,771 Registered: 9/11/12
Re: finances
Posted: Dec 24, 2012 8:15 AM Go to message in response to: allisonfoster2B

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