Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed

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MrsDeLouis Posts : 167 Registered: 11/10/08
Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 22, 2009 2:29 PM

Hello all, new to the community with this being my first post. I apologize if this is a little long, I just need some outside opinions. In early Feb, the FH and I had the ring designed. It was finally done and he picked it up Monday. How excited was I? Well I'm sure you can imagine. I've been told now that I just have to be patient, the he still has things he has to take care of, things that I don't understand. It seems that he still feels he needs to talk to my parents and his. My Dad blew him off over thanksgiving when he tried. He talked to mom over easter and I thought that was that, it was a great conversation. He still wants to talk to my Dad, who personally, I feel doesn't deserve it now that he blew him off, he had his chance. FH also feels he needs to talk to my bio dad who hasn't even been a part of my life. We talk and all, but he didn't raise me, he's not giving me away, he's just my friend. FH also now needs to talk to his family and ease their concerns. It's not that they don't like me, his fam loves me, they just want to make sure he's happy. It's like just now they have all realized "hey, he really did pick up this ring, just because it was paid for back in Feb, it wasn't a done deal." I'm a little annoyed by this. Am I being selfish? I mean I feel that "ya know, you've had since Feb to get this all straightened out, what the ***? Has anyone else had something like this happen or can give me some opinions? This whole engagement thing is supposed to be a happy time and I'm now just like " oh great, I have thing ring that I'll get who knows when. When he decides that he's finally done talking to everyone and their brother." I guess I just don't get it Or am I really making something more out of this?

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Tofu Posts : 66 Registered: 4/2/09
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 22, 2009 3:00 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

It sounds like his actions are coming out of respect for you and your family. Being patient sucks and maybe he could have been more on the ball, but his heart is at least in the right place. Give him the chance to do things in a way that feel "right" to him, even if you don't exactly think it is necessary.

Cool

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 22, 2009 6:25 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

Personally, I think that your engagement should be between the two of you and that there's no reason to talk to every single family member beforehand. Unless you plan to go immediately to the JP, there will be plenty of time for you both to talk to every family member you want and discuss any concerns that they might have between the proposal and the wedding.

Of course, this is coming from a girl who loves her family very much, but doesn't feel the need to ask their permission or their blessing about her decisions. I specifically asked DH NOT to ask my parents' permission/blessing beforehand, as I felt it would be disrespectful to ME. But that's just me - I don't like the tradition, so my opinion is biased.

Anyway, if you don't feel that it's necessary for him to talk to all your parents (especially bio-dad), you should discuss it with him. Explain that you appreciate the thought, but you'd prefer that he didn't ask everyone else before he asks YOU. That's no guarantee that he'll propose tomorrow, but at least you'll have made your feelings known.

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 22, 2009 8:44 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

Well, what's the "talk" all about? Certainly, he does not need "permission." Those days are past. Why not put the ring on your finger and go together to "announce" your engagement to your families? That's talking, right? If they have any concerns, they can voice them to the two of you, since you're anofficially engaged couple now.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 7:43 AM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

I think it's up to your boyfriend and you to decide to get married not his family or your family. I think he's wasting his time trying to talk to everyone. But it sounds like he has his heart on the old fashion way so I guess you will just have to patient.
                              

 

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bunnybear05 Posts : 157 Registered: 1/7/09
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 11:06 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

Yeah, I don'y get the " asking for your hand in marriage" thing either. My fiancee actually said something awhile back about wanting to say something to my dad first. I basically looked at him like he was on crack and said something along the lines of this "Why? I'm not particularly close to him, nor was I ever a "daddy's girl" and I have lived with my mother for the majority of my life. If you wanted to ask anyone, then I would say to ask her. But even that's silly as I have been out of teh house and living with you for years, but do what you want" That pretty much ended the subject and he didn't end up asking them and all worked out well. His family did know what he was up too,though. His sister helped him pick out the ring and both his mom and sister avoided talking to me that week because they were afrraid they would spill the beans.
Honestly, guys can be so dramatic at times. ( my fiancee totally can!) Its like they lose their comon sense every so often. I think that he had alot of time to iron out the details within the past few months. I can imagine how hard it must be to be patient and calm. Good luck!! I'm sure things will come together soon.

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jkbride Posts : 19 Registered: 2/11/09
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 11:28 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

I don't think your FH needs to ask everyone's permission....ppl only do this in the old days. However, you should be grateful that your FH is a nice & respectful man. He is doing this because he wants you to know how much he cares about you and want to show your family and his family how important this marriage is going to be. So, just be patient and be happy as he will pop the question and put the ring on your finger anytime soon :)

jkbride

www.myweddingconcept.com

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MrsDeLouis Posts : 167 Registered: 11/10/08
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 8:22 AM Go to message in response to: jkbride

I want to thank all you ladies for your responses. I guess the bottom line is it doesn't really matter what I think to a point, he truly feels that this is the right thing to do. That it is the honorable thing. So maybe chivalry isn't completely dead, but it can be damned annoying at times! I just have to wait this one out and hopefully not too long 'cause this is rather difficult. I hate waiting. Men...what else can you say. The losing of the common sense comment was definately right! But we all love them for some reason or another. Thanks again!

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Waterchick84 Posts : 6 Registered: 4/30/09
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 30, 2009 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

Patience....I know it is hard, but it will be worth it. With respects to wanting to get the parent's blessing - it is really up to FH. I know it is hard on you, and you can even discourage it if you want, but sometimes there are things that you do for him. Now with respects to the fact that it will be hard, tell him that and that if he really wants to get the blessing from someone, maybe someone else, or tell him out right, you would rather that he didn't worry about getting the blessing. Not all families are alike and it is ok if he doesn't get anyone's blessing. My FH isn't going to do so, and since it is all right with you, stress that with him and he might just understand.

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mhernandez2010 Posts : 3 Registered: 4/14/09
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: Apr 30, 2009 6:25 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

Hello. My fiance and I have been engaged since December. I saw the ring that he chose for me and I had to wait four days for the store to re-size it for me (their standard is a 7 and I wear an 8). I understand exactly what you are going through. I just about counted the hours of the day until I would be able to wear the beutiful ring that he had chosen for me so I think that you have every right to be upset right now and you are in no way making a big deal over this situation. He let you see the ring, paid for it, but he won't give it to you? That's like hanging a steak over a hungry dog. Sooner or later the patience is bound to wear off. Maybe you should sit down and have a nice talk with your FH about the situation (without loosing your patience) and explain to him how much it means to you to have that ring and how you feel about your sitiation with your bio dad. Ask him to tell you the real reason why he hasnt given you the ring. Maybe he feels that he is not ready right now, but he didn't realize it until he bought the ring. I would just recommend that the both of you have a serious talk because it seems so strange that he would pick the ring and pay for it but not give it to you. Hopefully by the time that you get this message you have the ring on your finger. I can just imagine the stress you are going through.

The Future Mrs. Hernandez Kiss

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marchmadness Posts : 1 Registered: 5/1/09
Re: Talking to his/my family help, opinions needed
Posted: May 1, 2009 4:54 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDeLouis

Hey there! I am in the same boat! We've been talking about rings since December. I've picked out some I like and he didn't like. We were on vacation last week in Hawaii and came across THE RING!!! We both fell in love with it. I'm 100% sure he went back while I was sunbathing and bought it. But he told me I'd have to wait to get it because of two reasons. 1. He wants to ask my Dad and 2. My brother was getting married that weekend and he didn't want to take away from their day.

I was like who cares because I'll keep it a secert and you can ask Dad after the wedding etc.

But he waited and I'm glad that he has. Because my family was really focused on my brother's wedding and so was I! (I was Maid of Honor).

Now all I do is look at my ring online and know that it is going to finally happen! There is something nice to know that it is finally here.

As for asking your family. I was once engaged and my ex-fiance never asked my family. It didn't bother me at first but then it did after hearing stories from girlfriends about how their guy asked their dads. There is something romantic about the idea and very respectful!

Just be patient. I know it is hard. Trust me... we've been dating 3 years and I feel like you... he's had time to ask. But he has his reasons... just like my FH has his.

Just keep smiling and take one day at a time.
That's what I'm trying to do! LOL!!

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