The name of this forum topic

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 1:55 PM

Maybe we should change the emphasis of this thread to, "Waiting for the Proposal," or "Hoping to get Engaged," or something. It seems that everything is about the ring, the ring, the ring, and the whole getting down on one knee, making a big deal,etc. That's really NOT what getting engaged should be about. It's about a decision and an agreement to spend your lives together. It's about a commitment. It doesn't take jewelry (as I've said often in other threads) to have that commitment, and when you've had that discussion and reached that agreement, you HAVE had a proposal (whether or not it was accompanied by champagne, red roses, and a brass band!) If your guy is wishy-washy about the whole marriage idea, refuses to discuss with parents or friends, refuses to set a date or talk about the wedding--then, you've got bigger problems than jewelry will solve!

Ok, I'm off my soap-box now.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com


Edited by: myra on Apr 11, 2009 2:05 PM

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JJsWifey08 Posts : 272 Registered: 12/5/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 2:15 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I agree. They should change it too waiting for the proposal. Maybe then we wont have girls flying aroundf here saying he shoulda spent 65k on my ring. I hate the shape. He proposed with a ring from walmart OMG take it back!!
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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 3:46 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Myra I agree 100%!!!!
                              

 

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 4:54 PM Go to message in response to: myra

Or change it to "Waiting for the Bling" so we can all be honest. lol

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MrsMcDAtLast Posts : 860 Registered: 1/1/07
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 4:54 PM Go to message in response to: CheetahAngel

I agree, too. Maybe even something like "Soon to be Engaged," (or something similar that sounds better, lol) so it would include those brides who propose to their boyfriends, too. I know it's not too common, but there have been a few around here before. :)

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 5:12 PM Go to message in response to: MrsMcDAtLast

Or better yet, just delete it all together.

I hate that section.

Besides it is BRIDES.com, not IWishMyBoyfriendWouldHurryUpAndAskSoICanBeABride.com

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 6:40 PM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

Agree, Myra!

Winter Wonderland, LOL at your alternate name for Brides.

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Tofu Posts : 66 Registered: 4/2/09
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 6:59 PM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

Winter, I have to disagree. I think it makes a lot of sense to have a forum like this, whatever the name. A few reasons some of us non-engaged folk are on here so early:

(1) to learn about rings, save the date cards, engagement parties, and whatever else is involved (I know I am fairly clueless about many of these things!)
(2) to share thoughts, fears, feelings, hopes, stories, etc with similarly-situated people
(3) to avoid driving loved ones crazy with wedding talk too far in advance
(4) to get opinions (eg. "should I propose to my boyfriend?", "should he ask my parents for their blessing?"... or whatever the case may be)

So there are some valid reasons to keep it around!

Cool

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WinterWonderlan... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/23/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: Tofu

I'm glad that you have found the forum useful for you. I hope more people use it for your purposes instead of complaining about how their BF is taking forever to propose or when do we think he will. Of course I was being slightly over the edge with completely deleting it, as I'm sure you lovely ladies understood.

I do think it at least needs a name change though.


Anyone have anything creative?

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Mushaboo Posts : 2,165 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 11, 2009 9:14 PM Go to message in response to: WinterWonderlan...

Mrs McD had a good one "Hoping to be Engaged" or "Not Yet Engaged". Something that mentions engaged instead of ring.

          ever thine          ever mine          ever ours

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 12, 2009 10:26 AM Go to message in response to: myra

I agree 300%. The first time I saw the name of this section, it made me want to be sick. I feel like Brides.com has reduced women to two categories: 1) Those who are obsessed with getting an expensive material object, and 2) Those who have already received the fancy symbol of their love, who can 'graduate' to other areas of the site and obsess over other expensive materal things.

I'll probably get flamed for this, considering the area of the site we're on (and honestly, I don't really care if I do), but the whole 'unofficially engaged,' and 'He asked a year ago, but I don't have a ring yet, so we're not engaged,' and 'I've been engaged for five years, and we still aren't planning a wedding' REALLY bugs me. The ring does not make you engaged. The question, and the fact that you are ACTIVELY PLANNING A WEDDING makes you engaged. I don't care if a woman wears a ring for ten years and the couple calls each other 'fiance'...if they are not planning a wedding, they are not engaged, in my book.

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BrighterThanSun... Posts : 853 Registered: 10/17/08
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 13, 2009 11:58 AM Go to message in response to: myra

I agree that some of the threads posted in this forum are frustrating however I honestly believe that no matter what you name this forum...the same threads are going to be created. If it's "Soon to be Engaged" or "Waiting for the Proposal"...whatever...there will still be osme people who will associate it as "waiting for the ring"...I don't think we can stop those threads, no matter what we name the forum.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 13, 2009 12:19 PM Go to message in response to: BrighterThanSun...

Brighter, you're right that we can't control the content, nor would we want to. If someone wants to ask stupid questions or whine about the size of her ring, we're not here to judge her (well, okaaay, we all have our little private judgments!) But, the name of the forum gives it a certain, um, materialistic emphasis, rather than putting the focus where it should be, on the engagement, rather than on the jewelry. That's why I suggested the name change--as a way for Brides.com to show that it stands for what's really important.

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ashes2 Posts : 29 Registered: 3/30/09
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 13, 2009 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I'll probably upset a lot of people with my post but...I think changing the name would be good b/c it would take the emphasis away from the "I have to have a ring" feeling. When we (unengaged ppl) go to a brides forum, we look for somewhere appropriately to post and see waiting for the ring, and while some of us are honestly waiting for a new level of commitment,..we see ring and realize, hey, I'm supposed to have a ring.

The other thing is, call me shallow, but yes, I want a ring. A nice ring (doesn't have to be big as a rock, the perfect diamond or etc.) but My man and I take care of each other. I've been buying him stuff forever, and he has been buying me things as well. Also, in society, I have been raised to equate a proposal with a ring (insert rude comments here :) ) I consider myself mildly shallow but not materialistic. If Wal Mart has their rings on clearance then please, go shop there. Also, don't go into debt over the ring, buy what you can afford but most of all, think about me when you're doing it. I feel like a lot of comments make girls seem like they shouldn't want nice things. Like we should all be happy that we found love and we should live in a one room shanty and be happy in life. Nobody has said anything like this to me, but it's the vibe I get from reading other posts.

I am very happy that I have a man who I've fallen deeply in love with, with or without the ring (at one point I told my mom that I'd be happy if my proposal was a down payment on a house). I don't fear the demise of my relationship is coming b.c I don't have a ring on my finger, but I also don't think it's wrong to want one or look at the pretty pictures. But to the other ladies who say a ring is not important to them, that is well also, to me it's just a matter of opinion.

Sorry for the long post.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: The name of this forum topic
Posted: Apr 13, 2009 1:07 PM Go to message in response to: ashes2

A2A a ring was important to me too. The ring that mattered to me and still the most important piece of jewelry I own is a simple gold band. That's it just a 2 mil gold band that was placed on my finger by my husband. I would have been just as happy not to have received that ring so long as I heard the words I pronounce you husband and wife.

I didn't need anything else. Not the dress, not the cake, not the guest, or DJ or photographer, I needed nothing but my man, the officiant and the two witnesses required by my state. I was just as married as anyone else.

There is nothing wrong with wanting the ring, it just should not be the be all end all it has become. There is no need for all the pressure that is put on a guy to come up with the romantic proposal, the big stone and all the other crap advertisors have come up with.

The fact that someone wants to make a lifetime commitment should be enough. No need to make a man or woman jump through hoops just so that you can have some kind of story to tell.

My engagement story is very short and to the point. My husband said you want to get married I said sure, that's it no bells or whistles or a big brass band, no jumbotron or airplane banner, no big production. Were we engaged? You betcha.

 

 

 

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