Am I worried for no reason?

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Mar 10, 2009 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: Allison369

Well honestly it sounds like he does want to marry you and from the sounds of it it may be something he plans on happening soon. There could be many reasons he hasn't done it yet. But the thing that stands out the most is the deadline. I think anyone would get weary with a set deadline like that for something soo big.

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WaitingToBHis Posts : 28 Registered: 2/16/09
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Mar 10, 2009 9:06 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

I, too, think you are probably worried for no reason but I am here to comment on something else. You stated that you have PTSD.....I can see things from his point on that as my BF suffers from PTSD as well. We have been together for over a year and I am just now really understanding him and his diagnosis. PTSD is hard to understand (at least it was for me) so maybe that is something that is on your guy's mind. I hope you dont mind me saying this, but please help him help you! My BF didnt "get" that I didnt understand what he was going through when he would have a panic attack......i didnt understand why he would fixate on something that was so trivial....then i realized that it wasn't "trivial" to him.... that "little thing" to me was a huge thing to him. Once i started to understand how PTSD works, i was able to help deflect some of those panic attacks. I can only imagine what it would feel like for him if I was having those and he didnt know how to "protect" me since that is what men think they are supposed to do. I hope you dont think i was getting too of luck to you.


Srramlal Posts : 15 Registered: 1/17/09
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Mar 27, 2009 11:32 PM Go to message in response to: Allison369

I don't know if you are still checking this, but if it helps...

I just turned thirty and I really sympathize with you because I have
Genralized Anxiety Disorder. Anxiety is an easy disorder for people to dismiss away, it doesn't get the attention that depression does. After almost five years together boyfriend
still doesn't understand how this affects my/our life. He thinks I just
blow things out of proportion and that I should be able to control it
better. I "manage" my anxiety for the most part through exercise and
diet. But I know how hard it is to "just keep it in check" or "just not
have attacks" or "just don't be impatient". I don't know if you have
the same struggle, but for me it almost gets worse the more more I try
to hold back because it feels so repressive. I think it is a HUGE thing for you that he is willing to learn about your disorder, is open to trying to understand it better and is going to counseling together with you to learn more and to work together on building a future with you. He definitely cares a lot about you and about a future with you from the things that you have said in this regard. I believe if you give this some time and focus on this stage of him educating himself and learning more about this part of you, it will only improve the relationship in the long run. Then he will fully understand what he is signing up for and will less likely feel disillusioned and trapped by it later. He may learn in what ways he can be sensitive to it and help you even. Try to take one thing at a time and not get too ahead of yourself. It is very important that he understand what he is getting into and it will be easier for you if he embraces this part of you without feeling pushed or forced. This is a good time for both of you, it sounds like he wants to be with you, and this will make you both stronger in time. Try to focus not on your fear of an uncertain future (almost all of life has an element of uncertainty) but focus instead on the good things that are happening now and letting it unfold. I know this is all easier said than done, because I struggle like the devil with it myself.


Allison369 Posts : 73 Registered: 10/23/07
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Mar 28, 2009 4:37 PM Go to message in response to: Srramlal


What an insightful message, thank you for writing it. I do understand how hard it is, and I have been on the receiving end of people not understanding, and not taking your condition seriously, it can be quite demoralizing. Unfortunately, it is through education and standing up for ourselves and our needs that people start understanding, and it takes time. I hope your boyfriend begins to open up to your GAD more. PTSD is characterized by a lot of anxiety too, so I can certainly relate. Even now, my boyfriend gets a little defensive sometimes to my outbursts, but it is an ongoing effort, a mutual effort to keep things good :)

As for the proposal, it hasn't happened yet, but I feel good about us and I think it will happen fairly soon. I think he might need the time to adjust to things and wait until it feels right. I don't doubt he wants to be with me and wants to have a family soon too, he tells me all the time! I do realize that his decision making process is different than mine, so I am trying to be patient. While I have a systematic 1, 2, 3, wight pros and cons approach, he has a more roundabout and longer way of making decisions. I have set a mental deadline for myself though, just in case, and in the meantime, I am enjoying him and life and trying to be patient. Oh, and I have avoided peeking at the ring for more than a month!!!


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Mar 29, 2009 12:19 AM Go to message in response to: Allison369

Dear Allison,

I had not seen your original message until now.

HappyGirl summed it up. She said exactly what I would have said: Set yourself your own private, personal, known-only-to-you deadline.

Say nothing about that deadline. It's your secret.

If he proposes by then, great.

If not, then start thinking of your life as a single woman again. Settle up with your boyfriend, then go out and look for a man who is as shovel-ready for marriage as you are.


Taffee85 Posts : 18 Registered: 4/1/09
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Apr 1, 2009 9:53 PM Go to message in response to: Allison369

I have a similar situation as you do, except for my boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. He is the type of guy that has to keep surprises and if they get ruined he will wait till it is a surprise. We have been talking about marriage together for like 6 months, but before that I would mention it and he would get bothered by it. We knew we would get married and he said he might have proposed sooner if I didn't talk about it ALL the time. He has finally gone ring shopping with me so I know it will happen any day now. If he bought the ring it will happen! I know it will seem like FOREVER but it will be worth the wait! Just let him do it on his own time. Let me know what happens


Allison369 Posts : 73 Registered: 10/23/07
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Apr 1, 2009 10:10 PM Go to message in response to: Taffee85

Thanks, and I hope you get your proposal soon!! I have a feeling I will not have to wait too much longer either, the day I stopped nagging constantly and talking about it ALL the time, he started relaxing and things have been a lot better. Just to give you an idea of the kind of guy he is - I have almost full control of the remote, chick flicks and such, among other things :) I think he is just taking his time, because he needs to feel a hundred percent comfortable. While I make decisions and embrace change very quickly, he tends to need more time to fully process it. I feel we are going to be okay and I am looking forward to the surprise and all


Allison369 Posts : 73 Registered: 10/23/07
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Apr 29, 2009 4:24 PM Go to message in response to: Taffee85

Hello all,

I have some exciting news. My bf proposed and I accepted. It happened in my grandparents' house and was very special :)



TigerBride515 Posts : 482 Registered: 10/15/08
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Apr 29, 2009 4:56 PM Go to message in response to: Allison369

Congratulations and happy planning!


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adrigirl01 Posts : 287 Registered: 10/2/08
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: Apr 30, 2009 1:27 AM Go to message in response to: Allison369

Congratulations :) Very happy for you.


ObjetTrouve Posts : 10 Registered: 7/15/08
Re: Am I worried for no reason?
Posted: May 11, 2009 7:46 AM Go to message in response to: Allison369

Give it a while. Wait 2 or 3 months and don't talk about getting engaged, and if still nothing, tell him you're afraid he might have cold feet and won't ask you ever. If he says you're irrational, show him this thread to show how patient you've been. If he's a dick, he'll get annoyed or angry. If not, he'll ask for a month, or propose then and there, or give you a better reason for why he feels he can't. If he's a dick, leave. You deserve far better. If not, wait another month, talk to him and either get engaged or leave. You deserve a good guy who doesn't pussy foot around.

I have PTSD too, so I totally know what you're talking about. It sucks majorly, huh? Makes you all anxious and suspicious and worse.

Edit: LOL never mind. I read above. Congrats and wish you luck!!!


Love is a crying baby mama warned you not to shake...

Edited by: ObjetTrouve on May 11, 2009 7:47 AM


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