How to be the best wife

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:01 PM

A friend of mine sent this to me today. We had a good laugh over it.

So I saw this as a note on Facebook. A fellow Navy wife I sorta know wrote it (or copied it?). At the end I was expecting a joke...the catch...SOMETHING. .....nope.....nothing.

I wonder if she actually follows this.....


A Good Wife's Guide:

Have dinner ready:
Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return from work. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favourite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself:
Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work weary people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Clear away the clutter:
Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Gather up schoolbooks, toys, papers etc. and then run a duster over the tables. During the colder months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction. Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Be happy to see him:
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him. Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first, remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his:
Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax. Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit. Don't greet him with complaints and problems. Don't complain if he's late home for dinner, or even stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Make him comfortable:
Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange the pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. Once he has had a chance to have his evening meal clear the dishes and wash up promptly. If your husband should offer to help decline his offer as he may feel obliged to repeat this offer and after a long working day he does not need the extra work. Encourage your husband to pursue his hobbies and interests and be supportive without seeming to encroach. If you have any little hobbies yourself try not to bore him speaking of these, as women's interests are often rather trivial compared to men's.

At the end of the evening tidy the home ready for the morning and again think ahead to his breakfast needs. Your husband's breakfast is vital if he is to face the outside world in a positive fashion.

Once you have both retired to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.

When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it. In all things be lead by your husband's wishes; do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy. Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's is. When he reaches his moment of fulfilment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.

You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

Mrs. Pinky

Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

Our Wedding Website 

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:15 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

lol

Oh well, guess I'm a bad wife.


 

 

 

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:21 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

Good lord, this isn't the 50s anymore and I don't think any of us are June Cleaver. Hell, my husband gets home every day before I do. Maybe he should think about having dinner ready for my tired ass when I get home.

I really can't believe women used to think (or be) this way. I would not have lasted long in that era.
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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

LOLOL I just snorted milk out my nose!!!

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:45 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Tobi - my INITIAL response was Cold Day in Hell.

And I'm with you. He gets home before me. Guess I need to start cracking that whip.

 

 

 

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:53 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

I would shoot myself if I had to be the "best" wife! LMAO! No way would I EVER do those things. Men can do things for themselves and if I want to question him about things I will! I don't have to look pretty 24/7 and have dinner made all the time. WOW! That was funny though, thanks for sharing :-p
                              

 

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TanisJ Posts : 2,669 Registered: 4/25/07
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:54 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

hmm. I think my husband my call the police claiming his wife was abdulcted. Once in awhile I will put my bra on before he comes home and I think thats pretty damned special.

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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:55 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

Yeah.. I just dont see that one happening.

This reminds me of that movie Mona Lisa Smile. Great movie if you havent seen it yet.

But wait...is there one for husbands?

Just Married...9.20.08

Formerly BenjaminsBride 

 

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 2:58 PM Go to message in response to: BenjaminsWife

I agree. I laughed so hard. I almost NEVER do ANY of these. Halirous! I'm a terrible wife!

Mrs. Pinky

Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

Our Wedding Website 

 

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 3:05 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

Tobi - if it makes you feel any better, that text is actually taken from a 50's home economics book. I have seen it before and am 98% sure that is the source. I am so glad we don't have to put up with that stuff anymore. Our dinner routine is pretty much "I'm making tacos. If you want something else, get it on your way home".

 

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 3:17 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Yeah I'm pretty sure it came from that book too. Still...halirous.

Mrs. Pinky

Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

Our Wedding Website 

 

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 3:53 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Oh my gosh, you're right. I googled it and found that it's from a 1954 high school textbook.

http://iws.ccccd.edu/grooms/goodwife.htm

Like I said, I wouldn't have lasted very long in that era!!


Oh, and Bride2008, I still laugh every time I see POOPER in your signature. That one will never get old!!


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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 4:40 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

I think by today's standards it's pretty kinky, don't you? Like having a 24/7 live in submissive or something. LOL Maybe she also wears a collar that says "Master" on it!
http://74.86.142.202/~tearswep/humanpets/upload/items/1054944810_2614188455.jpg

 

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 4:46 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

reminds me of those women on maury who are slaves to their men...disgusting.


Mrs. Pinky

Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

Our Wedding Website 

 

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: How to be the best wife
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 4:58 PM Go to message in response to: mrspinky

This is RETARDED!!! lol.
His morning cup of tea???
Seriously? I dont think I have EVER seen my husband drinking a cup of freakin tea.
Besides, he is up at 430am for work, Im still in bed. His morning cup of whatever happens at a local Dunkin Donuts on his way to work.

Put a ribbon in your hair - be a little more gay.
Ummm... what? A RIBBON? Does he want a wife or is he a pedophile? What the hell is that?lol. And what does be a little more gay even mean? I guess it means more happy. So we should all plaster on that phonyass smile when hubby walks through the door. This is so laughable.

Minimize all noise ...he will feel as if he has reached a haven of rest....
LOL. Ummm yeah okay. We live on a main busy as hell road that leads to the Lincoln Tunnel into the busiest city on earth, NYC. Buses screach by on a minute by minute basis, teens blare atrocious music at all hours, and ambulances constantly have sirens running red due to the hospital a few blocks away. But sure, Ill keep noise to a minimum. Our home is not a haven of rest - its goddamn JERSEY. lol.

Remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Oh. My. God.


...A small moan from yourself is quite sufficient.
Well this is just silliness. So women back then laid there in complete silence the entire time during sex - and then at the very end after he is "finished" - they let out one obviously rehearsed well timed small moan? That is the dumbest advice I have ever heard in my life.

And this one is my absolute favorite:

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent. It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products.

So basically, let him rape you and then go and freshen up your face. LOL.
WTF???
This article or whatever it is would be hillarious if it didnt make me so angry. Unreal!!! lol.


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Edited by: kelleyiskelley on Feb 19, 2009 5:00 PM

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