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Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?

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soontobegroom10 Posts : 3 Registered: 2/7/09
Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 7, 2009 11:56 PM

Hello! I am asking my girlfriend on Saturday (cliche, I know!) to marry me.

We met in college and were off/on for 3 years of college, but have been together for the last year and everything is perfect! I cannot live without her!

We have had some rough patches, even a period of six or so months of no talking since the relationship began four years ago. I have only met her parents a few times and have not spoken with or seen them in over 2 years. She is very shy and closed about her personal life.

Should I give her father a call and ask his permission or let her tell him after? It is kind of complicated because I am not even sure if they know we got back together.

Thanks so much!

cape_cod_islands , february_2010
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CountryPrincess Posts : 673 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 12:07 AM Go to message in response to: soontobegroom10

First off, Congrats :)

Secondly, since she isn't close with her parents and you barely know them, I would let her tell them afterwards. My mom & I are very close but I'm not close with my dad AT ALL. So FH talked to my mom about 6 months before he proposed and told her that he wanted to marry me and she already knew we'd get married. So there was never like an official asking for her permission. After FH proposed, we told my mom and his family in person. Everyone else who was distant family, we just sent announcement cards to.

Anyway...point being, if she isn't close to her family then there's really no need to ask.


"I don't care how much it hurts. I don't care if its a brick wall disaster. I'd rather fight with you everday than be happy for one second with anyone else." <3

Kevin & Mari: 11/09/06 to Forever.

cape_cod_islands , may_2010 , missouri , february_2010
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soontobegroom10 Posts : 3 Registered: 2/7/09
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 12:30 AM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

She is actually very close with her parents...but I do not know her feelings about asking them since she is so closed and shy personally. She isn't the type of girl who will get on her cell phone right after I ask her and jump up and down screaming "Oh my god! He asked me!"... In fact, some of her friends (because of the on again, off again history we had the first few years of our relationship) do not even know how "serious" we are....

cape_cod_islands , may_2010 , missouri , february_2010
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FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,037 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 12:46 AM Go to message in response to: soontobegroom10

I think that if you had a relationship with her family then it would be appropriate for you to ask them for her hand in marriage. But since you really don't have that kind of relationship, then it is completely fine for you to not ask them first. Let her tell them. Good luck! How are you going to do it???

 

www.mywedding.com/samanthaandpatrick/

cape_cod_islands , may_2010 , missouri , september_2009 , southern_california , february_2010
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soontobegroom10 Posts : 3 Registered: 2/7/09
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 1:00 AM Go to message in response to: FinallyMrsS

How am I doing it? Well...not quite sure yet. She lives in Boston and I live in Dallas now. I am flying up to Boston for V-Day and we have a hotel in downtown. I am thinking about asking her outside (weather permitting) at Boston Common, maybe in the Garden. I have to be careful though because the box the ring is in is kind of bulky (Tiffany's ring so it is in one of those blue boxes)... I guess I will see how it plays out.

cape_cod_islands , may_2010 , september_2009 , southern_california , missouri , february_2010
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CatStandish Posts : 2,767 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 10:00 AM Go to message in response to: soontobegroom10

Hi Groom, and welcome:

Is her family traditional? I mean, did you get that impression from them when you met them? If so, call up dad and tell him.

Why? My dad, who IS rather traditional, did mention to me that he was surprised my FH had not asked him for permission (personally, I think that was stupid of him, but there you have it.) I'm 40. I'm divorced. And my dad still felt like my FH should have asked him.

So, if you got the feeling from her parents that they were traditional, call them up and tell them first. If you did not get that feeling, then hold off and let her do it.

Good luck on Saturday!

Misty

Visit our Wedding Website

C.A.T., P.O.O.P.

cape_cod_islands , may_2010 , september_2009 , southern_california , missouri , february_2010
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ArtBride Posts : 4,841 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 12:30 PM Go to message in response to: soontobegroom10

It depends on your girlfriend and her parents. A lot of parents are
touched by the gesture, but others would say, 'Why on earth are you
asking us?' Some women want their boyfriend to ask their parents,
others don't like the thought of it. Without knowing your girlfriend or
her parents, it's hard to tell you what would be best.

Personally, I would have been pretty annoyed if my hubby had asked my
parents before asking me. He probably would have if I hadn't made my
feelings known on the subject (he feels it's the 'gentlemanly' thing to
do), but he respected my opinion on the matter and didn't ask them. As
for my parents, I think my mom would have been touched by the gesture,
but my dad would have said, 'You don't need my permission. My
daughter's a grown woman - ask HER!'

In your case, I probably wouldn't ask them. Since you don't know them
well and you don't know whether they even know you're together now, the
phone call may take them by surprise and they may not react well to it.
I'd let her tell them - but I'd also make an effort to get to know her
parents better.

I have to say, it strikes me as odd that she's so closed-mouthed about
her family life with you. Even an incredibly shy woman seems likely to
open up to the man she's going to marry. Are you sure she's ready for
this?

DaisypathWedding Ticker

Vice President and Guardian of the Toilet Brush of POOP: People Offended by Offended People

cape_cod_islands , february_2010
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JennHatesWaiting Posts : 74 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 4:51 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

I am going to have to agree with Artbride. You said you don't think her parents know you are together and that her friends may not think you are together but if they do, that you two aren't as serious as you are? Paraphrasing

My only concern is are you as sure she is as serious about this as you are? I'm not too shy, but I can't imagine my closest friends not knowing I am serious with a guy enough to be married. You know her and I don't, so you are better to judge. Just something to keep in mind.
Good luck, come back and let us know how it goes!

mexican_caribbean , june_2010 , cape_cod_islands , february_2010
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TrustLove Posts : 73 Registered: 3/7/08
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 8, 2009 8:51 PM Go to message in response to: JennHatesWaiting

Soontobe: Congratulations! Since you're not that close with her family I wouldn't ask her dad for his permission first I would let her tell them afterwards. Good Luck, let us know how it goes. Good choice going with a Tiffany engagement ring.

july_2011 , mexican_caribbean , june_2010 , cape_cod_islands , southern_california , february_2010
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myra Posts : 5,555 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 9, 2009 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: soontobegroom10

Permission? That seems like a pretty outdated concept to me. If you would like to inform them or ask for their blessing, that's one thing. But, permission? Do they own her? Is she an adult who can make her own decisions? What would you do if you asked for permission and they said no--do it anyway? Break up? Under the circumstances, I would advise 1] getting to know more about her, e.g. her relationship with her family, if you're actually going to marry the girl, and 2] ask her how she feels about your contacting her parents.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

cape_cod_islands , february_2010
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mrspinky Posts : 3,781 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: Asking her on Saturday, should I talk to her parents?
Posted: Feb 19, 2009 5:55 PM Go to message in response to: soontobegroom10

so how'd it go? Did you ask her dad? Did she say yes? Did you do it in the Garden?

Mrs. Pinky

Keyholder of the TP Cabinet of P.O.O.P.

Our Wedding Website 

 

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