Ever thought for sure it was going to happen..then it didn't?

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MadiCakes Posts : 13 Registered: 2/1/09
Ever thought for sure it was going to happen..then it didn't?
Posted: Feb 1, 2009 11:13 AM

I am driving myself insane. BF and I have made it clear we plan to get married. Lately he seems to be acting a little "different". At one time when we were discussing it, like we normally do, he told me he wasn't in any hurry to get married. I said well, I'm not rushing or anything but I would like to do it at some point. I'm thinking in about 2 years. Then we'll have been together 4 years. Anyway, now he's being super affectionate and cuddly.
He got me a "promise" ring in 2007 for Christmas. I've had it for that long and it was a little too big. Well, a couple weeks ago he took it to get it sized correctly, taking one of my old rings with him. I've yet to get that ring back by the way, but he said they were backed up from the holidays and it would take a couple weeks to get it back. Anyway, I haven't gotten it back yet.
Well, now he is making a kind of big deal about Valentine's Day. He wanted to go to dinner, but work schedule would make it difficult to actually go on Vday. I kept telling him it didn't matter at all to me which day we went, or even if we went at all. VDay has not really been a big deal to us in the past. Anyway, he kept saying he would rather do it on Valentines day because it would mean more to him. But, anyway, things worked out that we're going to dinner the 13th instead of the 14th. I have offered to just make a special dinner at home for us but he doesn't want to do that.
I've also felt, on several occasions, that he and friends/family have stopped talking when I walk into the room. You know that feeling...like you were the topic of conversation and all falls silent when you come into the room. That has happened a few times.

He has also been mentioning getting married in more "definite" terms. I don't know how to explain, as we have made it known that we want to, but this talk seems a little more like "when" instead of "if. He has been asking me what I would do if we have to move (he's in the military), because he wants to know before we move any further in our relationship.
We've discussed rings and that type I like, although I've told him that a ring is not at all necessary.
I kind of feel like a proposal is looming in the near future, but I don't want to think about it, in case I'm wrong! I don't want my hopes of a proposal to mar any special things he has planned that doesn't include a marriage proposal.
Have you guys ever experienced this!!?!?!?!?!

Edited by: MadiCakes on Feb 1, 2009 11:14 AM


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Ever thought for sure it was going to happen..then it didn't?
Posted: Feb 1, 2009 12:07 PM Go to message in response to: MadiCakes

Dear Madi,

I am unsure from reading your message if you really WANT to get married. I get the impression that you would be content to continue living with this guy for a good long time.

If so, then that's great. Just keep on doing what you are doing.

If, instead, you have a personal goal of getting married eventually, then you need to stick with that goal. I've said this in many other messages on this board: Set a mental, private deadline for yourself.

Don't say anything to anyone. Don't give BF an ultimatum. You just decide, within the privacy of your own mind, when it's been enough time for a man who wants to marry you to ask. If he hasn't asked within that time, then he doesn't want to marry you.

Then, you break it off, be single again and get out meeting marriage-minded men.


MadiCakes Posts : 13 Registered: 2/1/09
Re: Ever thought for sure it was going to happen..then it didn't?
Posted: Feb 1, 2009 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Oh yes, I want nothing more than to marry this man. I am certain that this man is the right one for me.
I just don't want to be expecting it and then it not happen. I don't know what I'm trying to say...lol. I guess I'm wondering if I'm "seeing" hints where they really arent, or if I'm just going nuts..:)
I know nobody can tell me what he's going to do, except for him. I just hope I'm not anticipating it so much that I'm bummed when it doesn't happen. Does that make sense?
I'm trying not to think about it and keep telling myself that I'm doing nothing but making myself crazy trying to figure it out!
So, I keep telling myself to go with the flow. If he asks great! If not, I know he will one day, and that's all that matters. I think I'm a little antsy because he's going overseas for the majority of the year, leaving in a few months, and I'm just a little emotional over that. (well, maybe more than a little...lol).


CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Ever thought for sure it was going to happen..then it didn't?
Posted: Feb 2, 2009 7:54 AM Go to message in response to: MadiCakes

There was this one time that I thought for sure that he was planning on proposing. It was for our 5 year anni and he mentioned that we should get champaign to celebrate. I have been hinting for a long time that I wanted a ring and so I thought for sure that it was going to happen for our 5 years anni especially since he mentioned champaign! But nope, it didn't happen that day and I was disappointed. It finally happened 7 months later on Christmas Day!! So just give it time and it will happen :)


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TattooedStarlit Posts : 202 Registered: 12/18/07
Re: Ever thought for sure it was going to happen..then it didn't?
Posted: Feb 2, 2009 1:08 PM Go to message in response to: MadiCakes

I thought it was going to happen for me when FH and I went up to Maine to visit my Uncle for Thanksgiving 2007. It was beautiful, cozy and the best vacation we've taken (for me at least) and I thought for sure he'd do it up there knowing how much I love it up there and he was acting weird the whole time we were up there; like he was planning something special. I think at one point he said he had a surprise for me while we were up there. Well the time there came and past and still nothing...I even broke my wrist snowboarding while we were there.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks later we were discussing marriage and he said "Let's just make it official! We are engaged!" Yup...that's it.

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