I have a question.

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AlyssaMarie Posts : 32 Registered: 1/3/09
I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 4:34 PM

Ok, so my bf and i have been together for a little over 2 years now, and he has started talking about proposing (we have been ring shopping and he even calls me his fiance at work). Well the other day his dad calls (which is a big thing bc him and his dad are not that close) and says he really needs to talk to him about some decisions he is going to be making soon, and at first i didnt think anything of it. Well the other day bf mom went up to my mom in church and started complaing about me and how she doesnt think her son should be with me. So my question is... do you think his family is trying to tear us apart? And is they are what should i do? Should i tell him what his mother said?

Thanks

Edited by: AlyssaMarie on Jan 22, 2009 4:35 PM

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 5:48 PM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

Making a mountain out of a molehill before you even know its a moutain is not the wisest decision.

I don't see how bf'm mom saying one thing to your mom in church = tearing the two of you apart. Especially when you give us only a small tidbit of info to go off of. Is there more parental drama to go with this one incident that would explain your situation a bit more?

Jaime

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AlyssaMarie Posts : 32 Registered: 1/3/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 6:03 PM Go to message in response to: mrsJLA

Well me and her got along for the first year of our relationship and then when we moved in together she stoped talking to me. Throwing tantriums during holidays because he wanted to spend half the day with me. And i know she doesnt like the fact that we are still together (i have heard this from her daughters)

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 7:50 PM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

So my question is... do you think his family is trying to tear us apart?
From what you've said so far, very likely.

And is they are what should i do?
Absolutely nothing. This is your boyfriend's problem to deal with.

Should i tell him what his mother said?
Of course, That is, since this is hearsay, assuming that your mother is telling it accurately. You might suggest that he ask his mother about the conversation.

It sounds like this church-going woman finds the whole "living together" idea offensive. How old are the two of you? Is he financially dependent on his parents? Finished with his education? Working? how about you? These concerns can color her attitude.


In any case, it's pretty tacky of her to come up to your mother inchurch and have a "conversation"like this.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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AlyssaMarie Posts : 32 Registered: 1/3/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 8:01 PM Go to message in response to: myra

She plays the piano she actually isnt even catholic. I am 19 and he is 20, we also live with a room mate not just us. His parents pay for him in no way shape or form and they havent sence he was 18. Still going for the education thats why we have our apartment bc we can no longer afford to live on campus. Yes he works 40-50 hours a week. My mom still pays for school but other than that i am on my own. I am also in school.

Edited by: AlyssaMarie on Jan 22, 2009 8:02 PM

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Vanessaleigh Posts : 7 Registered: 1/22/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 11:10 PM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

my question is, Is he the only son? Im dealing with the only son && the baby of the bunch. His mom hated me at first because I am older than him && now she loves me too. BUT I think when we finally get down to it && get everything planned && ready she is going to be upset letting him go. Alot of mothers have this issue when its either their youngest or only son.
Good luck I hope it works out!

KissFuture Mrs. David McMahanKiss

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AlyssaMarie Posts : 32 Registered: 1/3/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 22, 2009 11:23 PM Go to message in response to: Vanessaleigh

Actually he is an only son, and the only one from her first husband who died only a year after they got married. So i can see about letting him go but why did shee like me at first and now seems to not be able to stand me?

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MrsMcCain Posts : 580 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 23, 2009 9:18 AM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

I think you should talk to your boyfriend about what happened at church. I really think that it sounds like his mother disapproves of you for some reason. It could be anything, and sometimes MIL can be that way. He is a big boy so this shouldn't affect your relationship if he really loves you. Just talk to him, figure out what was said and then you can start figuring out a solution to your problem.

No one should gossip in church anyways, shame on her.

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Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 23, 2009 10:12 AM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

Yes you should tell him about what his mother said. And you should talk to him about the way you feel. Even if it is just so that he can tell you that there is nothing wrong and he doesnt care what they say. Which may be the case. It does sound like his family is meddling. I would talk to him first before you make any assumptions about anything.


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AlyssaMarie Posts : 32 Registered: 1/3/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 23, 2009 3:33 PM Go to message in response to: Lilmisssouthern...

thanks

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Vanessaleigh Posts : 7 Registered: 1/22/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 24, 2009 3:00 PM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

because she sees that its real && you guys want to be together, she probably thought youd date then split up but now that she knows you are actually planning a wedding and wanting to get married she's confused && probably hurt that he wants another woman to be first in his life.. I know I have a challenge in front of me so i understand
good luck!

KissFuture Mrs. David McMahanKiss

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 24, 2009 4:41 PM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

You should absolutely tell him because honest is the best policy when it comes to this stupid rumour stuff. Maybe she didn't mean it how your mom took it and it just needs clearing up BUT it's not your job to clear it up, only his. Also, it's always nice to know where you stand with a person.

I hope you don't have a really hard road ahead of you with it, but I say prepare for the worst and hope for the best. There are some really terrible MIL stories on these boards and everyone pretty much says the same thing: It makes all the difference in the world if your FH stands up for you to his mother and doesn't allow her to be mean to you. Basically, let him handle her. This is just pretty much what I've read... I dont' have a MIL because hubby's mom died young and his dad was never a part of his life. So no in-laws at all really. I miss havng any kind of bonding with her, but at the same time I'm glad nothing like this ever has to be dealt with I suppose... if I was going to try to find an upside. I hope you can salvage something good with her. :)


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10/26/08 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 2:31 PM Go to message in response to: AlyssaMarie

Dear Alyssa,

You and BF can be torn apart if you permit people to tear you apart. Get the logic?

If nothing can separate you, then all the meddling in the world will be for naught.

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AlyssaMarie Posts : 32 Registered: 1/3/09
Re: I have a question.
Posted: Jan 27, 2009 4:35 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Wow thanks that makes sence.

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