I can't answer the Air Force question but I'm curious to know how things turned out with that guy friend of yours that you posted about a while back.

Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

Sandals Grande Spa & Beach Resort, St. Lucia

Wait I thought you said FH is joining the AF? How is him being away going to help with the other guy? Maybe I missed something.

I dont know too much about the AF. of course the war is a downside, however he will get a free education and it wil help him with job training which is always a plus. It will probably better his life.

New Jersey: We have dumps, bays and cement boots and we know how to use 'em

My DH was in the Air Force as a physician (during Viet Nam). He didnt go abroad, spent his time at Wright Patterson AFB in Ohio. He didn't love military life, but made some good friends and got to travel practically for free. Sure, the military can be great--if you're not fighting. Bad points: Like any branch of the military, when you're in, they own you. I know many people who have been promised a certain position or training, only to have something else happen when they're actually in. I even know a physician who stayed in the Reserves and was called up (in his 60's!!) to replace a physician who was sent to Iraq. He had to leave private practice, wife and family in California, and spend 6 months in Alabama! Good points: medical coverage (my cousin had her babies for free); help with a housing loan; education; good training for a future career; looks great on a resume. You both have to consider a possible separation, if you can't go with him, vs. possible interesting travel opportunities (like my good friends' two years in Japan). Talk to as many people who've been there as you can, and don't believe everything that any recruiter says.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

I'm also glad to hear that you're phasing that other guy out. I was also wondering how that turned out. But I'm also confused as to how your FH joining the Air Force will make this situation with the other guy any easier. Or are you joining, too?

Like any service, the downside for a couple is separation and deployment. Be honest with yourselves about how you think you'd handle that. Have you ever been separated by a long distance for a lengthy period of time? How did that go? If you haven't done the long distance thing, how do you (realistically) think that you'd each deal with it? If you'd miss him, but you'd value your independence when he's away, it would probably work out Ok. If you'd miss him to the point that you wouldn't be able to function - or that you'd turn to another for comfort - any career path that separates you two will be bad for your relationship.

I'm going to be honest, and you probably won't like it. Hate me all you want for bringing it up, but you were on here about a month ago telling us about your feelings for another guy and seriously considering ending this relationship to pursue something with him. My gut reaction is that you're not ready for the challenges of a long-distance relationship. Even if you move far away from this guy, you'll meet someone else and face the same challenges...but your FH might be on the other side of the world, so you're lonely and you slip up. When the one you love is close by, it's easy to pass on temptation...but when he's far away and you haven't seen his face in months, it's going to be harder. Honey, I'm giving you my honest opinion, as a woman who has been through years of long distance, I don't think you have what it takes to do that right now. I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married - heck, it's not a crime to have a little crush once in a while! I'm just saying that your recent experience has shown you how hard it can be to stay faithful and committed when your FH is around...just imagine how much harder it would be if he didn't come home to you every night. If I had had such a recent brush with potential infidelity, I wouldn't want to risk my relationship by putting myself in such a risky position.

As far as the Air Force itself goes, what type of job is he interested in? Is he interested in being a 'career man' or just doing it for a few years? In either case, I think you should both be involved in making the decision. True, it's his career, but military families need to make more sacrifices than others. To get an idea of what you should expect, I might look for a military wives forum and do some lurking. But as far as the Air Force itself goes, it has its pros and cons like any other career. Depending on what he wants to do in the Air Force - and his longterm career goals - it might be a great experience.

Myra, That ws one of our biggest part in the decision making process.. We both want to travel and with the Air Force, as I was reading on the webite.. we can travel for cheap. = ] As you said the whole Japan thing, I have a good friend and he is stationed in Japan right now. He loves it there.
Last night we got into a HUGE discussion about it, by huge I mean we weretalking about it until like 4AM. lol. (We couldn't sleep) But what I was getting at, we made a list of Pros and Cons.. The list we made the Pros deff outweighed the Cons. But I would still like him to talk to someone that has been there. Perferrably not a recruiter, as you said, you can never trust them... THey have to meet a quota or something so they will say anything...
         

                                  THE FUTURE MRS. B.R. HERB  4/13/09

I'm not in a relationship with an AF guy, but I am an Air Force B.R.A.T. (Born, Raised and Trained). So I'm going to give you the low down of life as a military dependant.

Unless your guy has a college degree, he's going enlisted. You mentioned Basic Training, and that translates to Airman.

We moved A LOT when I was growing up. By the time I graduated from High School, I had been in 12 different schools. When we didn't move, they rezoned. I was born in Indiana, because my mom was way too pregnant to fly when my dad was stationed in Hawaii--so he was not there (they didn't let him fly home to be with Mom when she gave birth.... he met me for the first time when I was about 2 months old).

Military schools are very good -- and there is a high expectation of behavior. The military member can be held to account when his/her spouse/child acts up. I know people who lost rank because of a child's behavior (truly drastic....like getting drunk and driving on base, but still).

I do not have a close relationship with any of my family, save my parents--because they were random relations. I might see them at Christmas, every other year, or for a week during the summer. My friendships are short term...because when you move every three years, it's really hard to form lasting friendships.

Medical is paid for....yes, but that does not mean it is good. I was legally blind, and that managed to not be diagnosed by a military eye doctor. Only a follow up demanded by the school with an off base eye doctor revealed my ambliopia (lazy eye syndrome) and we were fortunate in who we saw -- because the guy I saw was actually developing a new treatment for it. I was a 'guinea pig' so to speak, which made the treatment affordable (it would not have been covered by Champus)....and I wear glasses today, but I am NOT legally blind, thanks to that doctor. I've been yelled at by dentists..... because my mouth is too small (seriously).

Yes, you have an option for housing on base -- but truthfully, at the rank of A-1 through 3 (which he will be when he gets out of basic, depending on how well he does), the houses are not great.

There are times when he will be stationed TDY, and you will not be able to go with him -- and that does not mean you'll be allowed to stay at the current station, depending on the duration of the assignment. 3 months, yes.... two years, nopers.... Or he might be assigned to a location where he cannot bring the family until he has acquired housing -- and again, you can't remain at the previous assignment. So.... it's home to mom and dad you go, because at that rank, you can't afford to maintain two households. (we had that happen twice, once I remember, once I was too young)

For a career.... it is great.

And there were opportunities I would never have had outside the Air Force -- like spring break field trip Junior Year to Paris, because we lived in England at the time. Had we not been military, that trip would have been out of range.

The base has a lot of great things: medical, with free prescriptions -- but be wary, it's not perfect; tax free stores, a fairly good education system, a true feeling of security in your insular community. But it IS hard on families. Spouses have a hard time having careers, because you have to move when the assignment is over and he's sent to a new place....it's harder for you to progress in your chosen area, and almost impossible for you to save a pension of your own.

Don't just look at the pros and cons for HIM.... look at the ones for YOU and for your family as a whole. Depending on where your stationed, you may not be able to get home for holidays, or may only be able to get home for one of them (we would spend Christmas every other year with a different family.... holidays were always major road trips--unless we were stationed somewhere like Hawaii or England, where we could not drive to the relations). Your children will have access to a fine education, but it will vary from area to area, which could be problematic (in Texas, for example, multiplication was taught in the 4th grade when I was growing up....and in Hawaii....it was 3rd grade. I moved to Hawaii from Texas, to start the 4th grade, so I started behind in Math).

Bottom line: would I marry a military man? No....I've done my time in the military.... I 'served' unrecognized for 18 years--supporting my dad by not getting in the way of his career or complaining about moving, despite the number of times I cried when my friends were transferred away from me, or I was transferred away from them. And my reward: I can never return to the places I grew up. (I went to Hawaii last year on vacation.... a place where my dad was stationed, and the first time I visited any place I called home as a child. Yet I couldn't drive by my house, or visit my school, or my church. They were on base. I was exiled from them.)

Misty

I am the daughter of a Marine and an Air Force vet. All that Catstandish said is true. As an Airman. I had short assignments so if I had family they would not have been able to go with me. Basic training is 8 weeks but then depending on the job he has the school for that could be a few weeks or months and you will not be able to go with him for all that time. I had Basic Training 8 weeks, Life Support Training for 16 weeks, and then Survival Training for another 6 weeks. In all that time I wasn't able to go home. That is a long time to be separated from someone as a newlywed.

The other thing to think about is the military fills the positions they need. So no matter what job your FH was promised when he went in if another job needs to be filled he may get that. Also the Military staffs where they need people so you could request to live somewhere nice like Hawaii and end up somewhere like Minot, SD or Abilene, Tx. As was stated before if it is a short tour and you accompany your spouse you will have to pay for off base housing and depending on where you live that can be rather expensive especially if you can not find work and sometimes it is difficult for spouses to find employment.

Just some of the downside to Air Force life.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.