Can I marry your daughter?

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MandJ2010 Posts : 23 Registered: 1/12/09
Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 1:56 AM

Is anyone expecting their man to ask their mom and/or dad if he can marry you? I was curious because I do want my man to, but he is not so much for it. I know its traditional and not too many people are much into that anymore, but if you parents are paying for or helping paying for the wedding dont you think it would be good to do?

All in all, I believe he is scared my dad would say no....then what?



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SanaChan Posts : 47 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 2:26 AM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

Well, tradition means a lot to quite a few people! My family situation is pretty unique, and even my parents elopped! (And they're still together!) If you don't want to flat out tell him yourself, tell his best friend, and get him to pass on the message. Worst comes to worst, your parents say no, and give him a reason. Hopefully it's something you two can work through with your parents, and worse comes to worst, it's your life, not your parents. So just do whatever makes you happy!

(Im not sure if that was really helpful, but I hope so!)
"Those who want to relive their youth, are probably too old to remember it."

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Leli Posts : 89 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 3:00 AM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

My opinion is if you want him to do it, he should do it. Family is very important to me, even though I don't always get along with them. So I would also like for my boyfriend to ask my parents first. If they say no, then whatever, we'll still get engaged anyway, but at least he made the effort to inform my parents of his intentions. For me, it's more about making the effort than anything else.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 1:30 PM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

My husband and I are parents of the bride. As such, my daughter makes her own decisions. We do not own her and, therefore, are not in a position to give or withhold "permission" for her to be married. However, we have a very close relationship with her and with her husband. When she was contemplating marrying him, she did talk extensively with us about her choice, and our approval was important to her. And her husband also was open with us about his love for her and desire to marry her. He was very open about plans for the future, finances, etc. He wanted to know that we approved. The cutest part was the day he bought her ring, when he couldn't wait to get on the cell phone with me, tell me all the details, ask advice about the proposal, etc. So, basically, I knew all about the ring before she did. I think that if the tradition of asking for parents' permission is important to you, then your man should honor that--if not asking for "permission," exactly, then at least approaching your parents for an honest, open talk about the future. That's going to make everyone feel really good.
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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karebeartg Posts : 831 Registered: 6/25/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 1:37 PM Go to message in response to: myra

My FH asked my father before he proposed. He felt like it was "the thing to do." It ended up being a good laugh because of my father's response.

My father told him (jokingly and nicely) that he should ask me because it wasn't like I had done anything other than whatever I wanted to do since I was about 5. (It's possible I was a somewhat strong-willed and independent child...)

I think he was touched to be asked though.

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DAS824 Posts : 509 Registered: 8/24/07
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 1:41 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I agree with what most other people have said: if it's important to you, then he should be willing to do it. Not that he has to, but at least give it the effort. And if your dad/parents say no, that is something you would have to decide on. For me, it wouldn't matter, and we would get married anyways.

But FH did ask both of my parents, separately, because he knew it meant a lot to me ( I kept reminding him that he better do it!) and it was also important to him.

Shauna C...I can't wait!!

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MandJ2010 Posts : 23 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 2:07 PM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

Thank you ladies for all the advice! We have been talking about it and I think for the both of us just giving my parents a heads up that we are highly thinking about marriage is the best way. My parents paid for the majority of my sister's wedding so they will be doing the same for mine. All in all, I want my parents to be prepared finanically.

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PrincessDee Posts : 58 Registered: 1/6/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 2:21 PM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

When my brother-in-law wanted to propose to my sister, he first approached my Mom about it. He actually got down on one knee and said, "Will you be my mother-in-law?" There was never any question of what she would say, and she was well aware that my sister wanted to marry him at that point, but it was still a cool gesture, and my Mom loves telling that story.

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 2:41 PM Go to message in response to: PrincessDee

"When my brother-in-law wanted to propose to my sister, he first
approached my Mom about it. He actually got down on one knee and said,
"Will you be my mother-in-law?" There was never any question of what
she would say, and she was well aware that my sister wanted to marry
him at that point, but it was still a cool gesture, and my Mom loves
telling that story."


Hey, just wondering, was it weird for you and your DH to have your brother in law and your sister together? My sister and DH's youngest brother are both in high school and roughly the same age and they're kinda dating (she can't officially date til she's 16 in a few months) and it kinda weirds us out to see them hanging on each other and being all over the top cutsy/romantic and kissy faced... granted they've known each other since the 5th grade and didn't realize that DH and I knew each other at the time nor did they put 1 and 1 together until after we started dating, but still... it kinda weirds me out, lol...

As for the asking daddy part... DH did. we were over at my parents house sometime before Christmas and he mentioned to my mom he'd like to speak with her and my dad sometime tonight without me. When I was downstairs printing off Christmas cards I guess they sat and he asked and my parents told him they would have wished it to be no one other than him. My ex and I had talked about getting engaged before, but he knew my parents weren't too crazy about him so when i told id like for him to ask my dad first before he proposed, he said no, he wasn't going to, which kinda hurt cuz i always wanted my parents blessing of who i married, ya know? but i didnt end up with that loser anyway so it's all good!

Friends since December 1997
Together since December 2006

September 13, 2008
Legally, I became his and he became mine.

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MrsM2009 Posts : 422 Registered: 3/16/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 2:47 PM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

NewMrsJ - I'm not sure that's what the pp meant. I think when she said "brother in law" she meant the man who married her sister, not her husband's brother (in other words, I didn't get the sense from her post that these two are the same person). Her profile says her wedding isn't until 2010, so if her FH has brother's they aren't technically her brother in law yet! As for your situation, they're only 15 - worry about it if they're still "dating" in a few years ;)

My FH said he was going to ask my father before he proposed, but he wanted to do it in person and never got any alone time with him! We have a jewelry store in our family and went ring shopping together, though, so considering that we went over there during a trip to visit the fam, I'm pretty sure everyone knew what was going on! I thought it was cute that he wanted to ask, but totally unnecessary - we had been talking to each other and my parents and his parents about it for about 6 months before we got engaged.

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bunniekrissy Posts : 10 Registered: 1/16/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 6:13 PM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

Personally, I don't mind whether he does or doesn't ask my parents for their blessing/permission. My parents just wish we'd hurry up and get engaged!
However, if it's important to you and you think your parents would appreciate it, he should do it.

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BreAnn Posts : 600 Registered: 11/28/07
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 6:21 PM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

My DH asked my dad. He did it out of respect to my father. I am a Daddy's Girl and an only child. When my DH asked my dad, my dad's response was that it was ultimately my decision, but that he approved. I was outside when DH asked my dad because we were getting ready to go on a trip. After DH and I left, my dad went into the room where my mom was and said "He asked if he could marry our daughter." Mom said "What did you tell him?" Dad responded with a straight face "I told him I didn't think much of it" then walked out of the room. Leaving my mom with her jaw on the floor because my dad loves my DH.

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PrincessDee Posts : 58 Registered: 1/6/09
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 16, 2009 7:21 PM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

Lol. He's my-brother-in-law now because they have since gotten married. He wasn't before that. I should have been more specific there.

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SanaChan Posts : 47 Registered: 1/2/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 2:27 AM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

There was a point in time when I was going out with a guy, and my brother started going out with his sister. It wiered me out at first, but I was happy, and so were they, so it didn't bother me much. Although, my ex's sister told me some things about my brother that would have been better left unsaid. :lol: I really don't care what my brothers dick looks like :/

Ultimately, we both ended up breaking off the relationships for other reasons, but the most important thing to me was, and still is, my brothers happiness. Hopefully this helps you out :)
"Those who want to relive their youth, are probably too old to remember it."

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Franko Posts : 128 Registered: 11/15/08
Re: Can I marry your daughter?
Posted: Jan 17, 2009 3:11 AM Go to message in response to: MandJ2010

Usually father say yes when they see their daughter happy and in love, but there are some exceptions, like old fashioned dads, over religious.....

But the most important thing is that you know he is the right for you


 

I bought our rings @

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