Good Plan?

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DaniTheGirl Posts : 3 Registered: 1/8/09
Good Plan?
Posted: Jan 9, 2009 9:10 AM

My boyfriend and I have talked about getting married for awhile. We've been together for three years. I am now 18 and he is 19. I don't feel we are too young because we are both in seperate colleges only 10 minutes away, and I have been living on my own since the day after high school graduation. We are both very mature people. He hasn't asked me yet because he wants to save up to get a nice ring. Even so, I believe he will propose within the next year. We talked about getting married in Decemeber of 2011, which would give us a +/- 2 year engagment. He will still be in college as he is going for a Doctorate but we are already living together and I will support him as I am doing now. His course load is heavy, and he can't squeak in a job, so I have a job and that's what pays the bills. We absolutely will not get pregnant until at least after the wedding.
His sister and brother in-law basically went through the same thing as us, they were high school sweethearts as well, and they have been married almost two years now. I believe they are a good example.
So my question is, does anyone have any objections to this plan?

True high school sweethearts!


Lilmisssouthern... Posts : 658 Registered: 8/12/08
Re: Good Plan?
Posted: Jan 9, 2009 9:44 AM Go to message in response to: DaniTheGirl

Ok I'm going to warn you know there is probably going to be some one who objects on here...

the point is its your life you can do what you want to... The fact that you know you want to have a longer engagement so you can plan and pay for the wedding you want is good thing it shows that you aren't in the same mind frame as some of the other young brides who come on here and say "we're young and we want to get married... blah blah blah my parents wont pay for this and his parents wont pay for that"" Or the whloe "We're young and in love and we can do what we want so there!" Its refreshing to hear someone with an actual plan and is just looking for ideas...

As long as you two both agree on what your goals are and seem to be going in the same direction then great! You have plenty of time to plan a wonderful wedding! and marrying your high school sweetheart is great!

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: Good Plan?
Posted: Jan 9, 2009 10:01 AM Go to message in response to: DaniTheGirl

You sound mature and you seem to know what you are doing. I would just say to give it time and wait for him to be ready. It sounds like he wants to wait a little longer to save up money and stuff. I dated my boyfriend for 5 years before he finally proposed, but every relationship is different. Even though you sound mature for your age you are still pretty young. I would just recommend waiting a couple years. Relationships change and people change. I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years when I was around your age and we ended up breaking up because we would argue all the time and he had a huge ego. But it's your life and you sound smart enough to make your own decision. Good luck! :)


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Good Plan?
Posted: Jan 9, 2009 9:40 PM Go to message in response to: DaniTheGirl

Dear Dani,

Your plan sounds reasonable to me.

The only thing you should be aware of is that people go through huge personality changes in their late teens and early twenties. Most people are more or less "settled" into their adult personalities by the time they reach their mid-twenties. (But, then again, some take a while longer to "find themselves".)

It's possible that you and your boyfriend will continue to mature and grow in more or less the same directions between now and your early to mid-twenties. If so, great, your plan is a good one. I know a couple who met and fell madly in love at the age of fourteen. They are, now, grandparents and are still madly in love.

But if you take divergent paths to adult life, then you may want to reassess. Don't lock yourself in. Make a habit of thinking about where you are in your Life Plan and where he is in his Life Plan. Let's hope these two Life Plans stay more or less in the same pathway.

You are absolutely wise to put off any thoughts of a baby until after you are married. If he's going for a doctorate, you are well advised to wait until he has his degree. I say this as a woman married 32 years to a man with a PhD. I am very glad we waited to have our children until after he was out of school and in a good-paying job with good medical benefits.


Leli Posts : 89 Registered: 1/12/09
Re: Good Plan?
Posted: Jan 13, 2009 4:13 PM Go to message in response to: DaniTheGirl

My advice is that you wait until you're done with school before thinking about marriage. I was with my ex for 3 years from when I was 17 until I was 20. We really thought we were going to get married, but I wasn't happy. It was one of those situations where we were just really comfortable with each other, so we were willing to settle. I'm really glad I got out of that one, because now I'm with a guy who's the most amazing man I've ever met. Call me cliche, but we both knew we were perfect for each other on our first date. Even with this, we're waiting a few years for us to finish school (2-3 more years 'til he gets his PhD, and I get my M.S), so we can afford everything, as well as avoid criticism for rushing things. After all, we're going to be together regardless, so why take risks? I'm not going to lie though, I have caught myself saying my name with his last name just to see what it sounds like. :)


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