Commitment Ceremony

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 4:54 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

But why go out of your way to not get married when it's much easier to get married. Why cause all the riff with the aunt, etc.?


 

 

Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

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Sandals Grande Spa & Beach Resort, St. Lucia

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:02 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

In my opinion, that's the aunt's problem. People cause family rifts when they get married sometimes.

It's not the aunt's business. She doesn't approve. OK. So my advice to the OP is to go ahead with what she and her guy want to do, I'd still invite the aunt, she can choose not to come.

I'd invite her because you are putting the ball in her court and she can never throw it back in your face that she wasn't invited. (Trust me, had some mini drama with my wedding and my choice not to invite my uncle. But the people invovled got over it and if they hadn't then they didn't need to come.)


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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:06 PM Go to message in response to: Pointer

OP - I wasn't suggesting you could or should walk away "from all this mess" as you said. My comment about walking away was that it's even relatively easy in some instances to walk away from a marriage.

See my other comments.

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:18 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

OK, PTG, then I'll leave the aunt out of it and state my original question again. Why go through the hassle of NOT getting married when it's easier to just GET married? Like having to talk to your minister and find out if he's okay with doing a ceremony w/o filing the paperwork. Hassle. Making sure all paperwork; wills, etc., is lined up. Hassle.

 

 

Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

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Sandals Grande Spa & Beach Resort, St. Lucia

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:33 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Because that's what they are choosing to do. It's not what I chose to do, but why force the issue if they don't want to be married for whatever reason.

Do you know what hoops I'm having to go through because I got married? I own my house with my Dad co-signed. Getting the deed changed to be in both mine and DH's name is a HUGE pain in the butt. Still would be if we were just being committed, but marriage doesn't automatically equate esier and less paperwork.

Even though DH is my husband, I still need a Living Will and I need him to NOT have the final say in anything if I am that incapacitated, ie. brain dead, as we don't see eye to eye on this issue. He's aware that my Mom or my best friend if my Mom is no longer around will have the legal rights as per my lviing will.

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:36 PM Go to message in response to: Pointer

Its not every day that you will hear someone say, "they know they have found the man of their dreams." He is my soul mate, my love, my partner, the man that walks at my side, not in front or behind me. He is the one that has held my hand, and my heart for 6 years now, and the one I can't wait to get home to.

I say that everyday, that is why I married my husband and then renew my vows. Most of the people I know that are married say that. Most of the people I know that are engaged say that. I believe in your right to do whatever it is you want to do it is your life. I just don't understand it. There are people all over this country that are trying to get the very thing you in my opinion are mocking. My sister would love to marry the woman she loves and have it recognized in all 50 states but that for her is not an option, she must settle for a Commitment Ceremony.

But anyway its your life have at it.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together, 10 years and counting.

wedding ticker

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:54 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Because, for whatever reason, they don't WANT to get married legally. Or sign the marriage license. If the aunt can't deal with it that is HER issue, not theirs. It is a mistake to live your life to please others anyway, they should do what is right for them, and it sounds like this is it.

I hate this topic, but at least it hasn't degenerated into the "fake wedding" rant that I was expecting to find here, even though the principal poster has already posted a few times. So wow. Nice change I guess.

and Nala, I totally agree. Also with Ms. D's explanation of "be like me" acceptance. Great posts, as always.

OP, good luck with whatever you two actually end up doing, and, in your lives together.

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 5:57 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Well put, Kenny.

PTG, you're not seeing my point. I couldn't give a rats ass what this stranger is doing, I just don't understand the "why". So tomorrow if I jump out the window of a 1 story building and people ask why did you do that when it would've been easier to take the stairs, I just say "because that's what I wanted to do".

Honestly, my gut is telling me that there's more to this than just the "we don't feel like we need to sign a paper".

 

 

Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

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Sandals Grande Spa & Beach Resort, St. Lucia

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cyndi33 Posts : 2,585 Registered: 1/3/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 6:03 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

There are people all over this country that are trying to get the very thing you in my opinion are mocking.

Kennys, sorry your sister can't get married, IMO that is assanine and I hope it ends one day soon. But, I honestly don't think the OP is mocking it, I just think they don't want to legally be "married" for their own reasons. But they clearly do want to share and celebrate their commitment to each other, with friends/family. So be it.

I don't want that, and didn't do that, I wanted to be married to my DH and he wanted that too. But, there was a time when I seriously didn't want marriage again. (that all changed with Dh obviously, but still, I felt that way for a good long timea fter first marriage finally, finally ended)

Everyone has a history, a past, life experiences, beliefs, priorities, etc. I guess, for the OP and her BF, all that adds up to the reality that for them means they don't want to sign a marriage license. I don't really understand it but why do I need to? it's not my life, I'm married.

I do support that they should be able tomake that choice and the aunt, if she can't accept it, well then that's her issue and her loss if it affects their relationship in any way.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 6:07 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

Just to be clear, when I said that the disconnect may be that you can't "walk away" from marriage the way you can "walk away from a commitment" I was only trying to identify what people might feel is the difference, not making a pro or con opinion either way.

I wonder, without signing that paper, if I would have "felt" like I was committed. I wonder if I "need" the paper to feel married, or if I would have felt committed it if it had only been a ceremony. I don't know.

There was a movie a long time ago where the female lead told her lover that she wanted to get married, that she wanted to wake up every morning with him in her bed. He responded something like "Why get married if you already know I'm to be there every morning?" and she said, jokingly, "I want to know that you're legally required to be there."

I think that might be hubs and me, too. We like knowing no one's getting out without a fight ;-)

__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 6:15 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

kennys, in my view it's not simply the right of marriage that gays & lesbians want. What's important is the choice. It's like the women's movement -- every women doesn't necessarily want to have a big CEO job or even work at all. But they should be granted the choice and the equal opportunity to do so.

That's why, in my view, pointer's not mocking marriage. She's making a choice, a choice that gays and lesbians are denied.

__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 6:45 PM Go to message in response to: Nalamienea

Dear Nala,

" That's just reverse discrimination! What's okay for one couple should be okay for another one, and I don't care if they are marrying someone of their own sex or not! Why do we have to keep differentiating???"

The law itself discriminates. In most parts of the world, with some exceptions, opposite sex couples can marry. Same sex couples cannot.

I would totally, 100%, absolutely, positively love for there to be no discrimination between same sex and opposite sex couples. I would love to say "married is married" for everyone. I would love to see all civil rights extended to homosexuals.

Be that as it may, we as a society have not extended all civil rights to homosexuals. Thus, if a couple cannot legally marry due to our discriminatory laws, and if a committment ceremony is the best they can do, then great.

If they do have the legal option of marriage, then a committment ceremony seems a bit silly.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 6:51 PM Go to message in response to: Pointer

Dear Pointer,

"Its not every day that you will hear someone say, "they know they have found the man of their dreams." He is my soul mate, my love, my partner, the man that walks at my side, not in front or behind me. He is the one that has held my hand, and my heart for 6 years now, and the one I can't wait to get home to. "

You would hear that every day in my house.

Except it's 32 years, not 6.

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Pointer Posts : 8 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 7:34 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

First off, there is no other reason, and I have said this many times that we choose to not sign a paper. For some of you, you may believe what ever you choose. I did not feel that anyone said anything about me walking away, in fact I sent you a personal message thanking you, sorry if you felt this way: As far as all the hassle? What hassle, I have not told anyone that I am going through any hassle, except the aunt. As far as she goes, she has never been nice to me, and continues to be rude. As for people of the same sex, not being able to get married. It is wrong, everyone should have the same rights, such as I have the right to not get "legally married" I have been open and honest, and sometimes some beliefs may not be the same as mine however, I would never tell someone that there is more to it, or accuse them of faking anything.For those that you get to say I have the most wonderfull man/woman, I think it is great to hear that, it makes it seem possible for anyone to find that kind of love. I do plan to take the advice that I have gotten as far as inviting her, and I do thank those that helped with the question I asked...

Live life like there is no tomorrow, and love like you never have before.

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Pointer Posts : 8 Registered: 3/22/08
Re: Commitment Ceremony
Posted: Jan 8, 2009 7:41 PM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

By the way, as far as the will goes. Everyone should have a will no matter what. Regardless, if something was to happen to you, and you did not have one, the hospital can take over, and keep you alive. If you had to be put on a ventilator to keep you alive, it does not matter if you are married or not, it is up to the hospital to save your life, not take it. If you have a will, and you have a no dnr they can not take away your wishes. Sorry no hassle there,only protecting my children, my partner,and family from making any decisions.

Live life like there is no tomorrow, and love like you never have before.

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