The waiting game is not for type A women!

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digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 6, 2009 8:40 PM

First, the obligatory "hi I'm new"...well not new to the board, but new to posting.


So here's the deal, I'm one of those women who spent years thinking "I'm never getting married, my career is my man". I enjoyed the freedom of 20-something singlehood, built my career, drove my life path, did what I wanted, when I wanted.

But fast forward to now. Here I am in my early, early 30s and head over heals, hearts and flowers, writing silly dates into my calendar in love with a total sweetheart who is the "Laidback Larry" to my "Bulldozer Betty". In other words when I know I want something I go after it. I track it, hunt it down and make it mine...Laidback Larry however, is more of the wait it out variety. He takes his time, overthinks every options, gets distracted and meanders and then finally gets around to getting things done.

Up until now Laidback Larry (to be known heretofore as LL) and his meandering hasn't been much of an issue, because I can get in, take charge and get things going. But now that we've decided that we want to get married, the rules of the game have changed. I'm already to get the planning going -I've got my spreadsheet, my longlists, some shortlists, budget breakdowns, etc all ready to go...but I can't go, because I have to wait for LL to formally propose!

Ok "have to" is perhaps poorly stated. In most cases I am not traditional at all. I'm the one that asked LL out and after much, much time together still pay my own way when we go anywhere. However, in this one, single instance I am ALL about tradition. So I wait, not quite patiently, but I wait and it is KILLING ME! We've looked at rings, agreed on a date, but still I wait and wait and wait ...and rhyme apparently. lol

He says it's coming. My personality is begging me to drag the when out of him, but somehow, that tiny hint of the hearts and flowers romantic buried deep inside is making me keep quiet and wait it out...I just hope I don't have to wait too long.

Edited by: digwriter on Jan 6, 2009 8:41 PM

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 6, 2009 8:57 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

You're hilarious--glad to meet you. Well, if you've decided on a date, at least you know that LL has to propose before then!! But, I understand how you feel. One point--I assume that LL loves you for who you are, even because of who you are. So, you might want to give him a gentle kick in the butt from time to time. For example, if you know that you want a venue that books up way ahead and are planning to get married at a popular time, there's no harm in letting him know that they need at least fill in time--one year? nine months notice to save a date for you.

When my husband (of 33 years now) was hemming and hawing around, a psychologist that I knew suggested that I go away for a few days. I said I would not play games to get a proposal---but, I happened to be taking a class that required a weekend retreat, and I was out of contact for three days on a mountain top. Guess who popped the question one hour after I returned, after he moped around for the whole weekend that I was gone. Darn if it didn't work!
myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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MrsJohnson2010 Posts : 37 Registered: 1/4/09
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 3:07 AM Go to message in response to: digwriter

That had to be one of the funniest posts I've ever read!! Welcome to the forums (I feel funny saying that since I'm a newbie here, myself).

I can definitely empathize with your situation. My FH is much more laid back than me. I'm always the one doing the planning, the organizing, the confirming, the scheduling, while he can sit back in relative comfort and wait for everything to fall into place. We'd talked about getting engaged, looked at rings, got my hopes up, yet years went by and nothing happened. Then just before Christmas the poor guy got laid off, so I prepared myself to patiently wait another year...only to have him propose on Christmas day!

Long story short, I don't think I have any helpful advice, other than it will probably happen when you least expect it. Cliche I know, but that often seems to be the case.

ps -- I wish I were half as prepared as you for your wedding. Sounds like you might have a career ahead of you in the wedding planning industry! ;)

When is my wedding

Wedding Ticker from WhenIsMyWedding.com 

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digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 9:11 AM Go to message in response to: myra

It's nice meeting you as well, ladies,

I'd like to think that LL has a January proposal in mind. It feels like January. Of course last month it felt like it was going to be on Christmas Eve, so apparently my ring radar is on the fritz.

Additionally, I realize that it can sometimes be a bit trying for a type B guy to be with a type A gal, so I'm trying (really I am) to give him this opportunity to take charge in his own way and to do this the way he wants. However, if February comes and my finger is still unadorned, I won't be able to be held responsible for my action. lol

And I am right there with you Mrs. Johnson, LL is pretty much hanging back, going on with life as usual while my brain is a constant beehive of wedding planning activity. I don't mind too much though, because as stressful as it can be, I happen to love it. It's given me the rare chance to indulge my girly side, and I kind of like that.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 1:49 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

Dear Betty,

Your message is great!!! It's a welcome change from namby-pamby.

I have one tiny question. Does he KNOW he is supposed to propose? Maybe he just figures that since you are talking about dates, plans, etc., that it's already a done deal.

You say he "says it's coming". That's a good sign.

I like Myra's suggestion of taking a few days off to do something (work? hobby? spa? girls' weekend?) by yourself. That might just boot him in the butt.

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FutureLeoBride Posts : 63 Registered: 9/24/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 2:04 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

A girl after my own heart..... I have always been quite a tomboy. Instead of the traditional Barbies and Easy Bake Oven, I had micro machines and a Creepy Crawly Maker. I was (and still am) obsessed with sports - Go Bearcats! I was previously in a 5-year relationship and completely anti-marriage. I saw it as unnatural and unnecessary. Well that relationship ended and so did that way of thinking. I met a man who sounds quite similar to LL, and I hear myself saying things that would have made me gag a few years ago. I am head over heels in love, and my friends barely recognize me.

Now on to the Type A stuff... I ALSO have budget spreadsheets, lists as long as my arm for every imaginable aspect, picture folders, etc. The list goes on, but I'm too embarassed to continue.

ANYWAY, I'm not typically traditional. I haven't been planning my wedding since age 4, and I couldn't care less about a hugely romantic, surprise proposal. We have talked quite a bit about engagement, but we have a couple grown-up responsibilities to take care of first. So... I wait. =)
Marriage works because they had a shared sense of humor, mutual respect of an awesome
depth, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves and
a love so unwavering and pure that it is sacred.
- Forever Odd by Dean Koontz

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digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 3:38 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Oh he knows. I've told him point blank that he has to ask me...no, not just ask, he has to full on propose. We're talking flowers, non-alcoholic festive beverage (we're not drinkers), sweet and sappy words, the whole kit and caboodle (there's a term you don't really hear anymore -what is a caboodle exactly?). He also knows that the date we've decided upon is less than a year away, so I'm hoping that all of this pre-engagement drama will quickly come to an end...so that the real drama can begin! To which I say, Excel printouts in hand, "Bring it on!"

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FutureLeoBride Posts : 63 Registered: 9/24/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 3:42 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

I think a caboodle is that pink and purple thing that you put your makeup and hair scrunchies in when you were in junior high!
Marriage works because they had a shared sense of humor, mutual respect of an awesome
depth, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves and
a love so unwavering and pure that it is sacred.
- Forever Odd by Dean Koontz

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digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 3:47 PM Go to message in response to: FutureLeoBride

It's funny how those of us who didn't go through the quasi-traditional, teenage wedding dreaming have the ability to fully turn into wedding planning machines. I'd never given it a second thought as a young girl, yet here I am all giddy about the prospect of candy buffets and non-floral centerpieces.

Not only do my friends not recognize me anymore, I can barely recognize myself. I hope this isn't permanent! shudders This is only a temporary affliction right? Kind of like a social 24-hour flu?

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digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: FutureLeoBride

I remember those Caboodle accesory boxes! Though the name of it came from ther term Kit and Caboodle, which according to Wiki doesn't exactly mean a whole lot:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caboodle

Yep, I'm just nerdy enough to look that up...come to think of it, I'm just plane nerdy all around, and I'm ok with that. lol

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FutureLeoBride Posts : 63 Registered: 9/24/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 5:32 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

I'm all about the non-floral centerpieces too! Maybe because we didn't do the wedding planning as pre-pubescent youths, we tend to stray away from the tradition. I know that pink/brown and pink/black are painfully popular, and every bride-to-be wants calla lillies. I refuse both of those ideas because they are so trendy right now.

I love that you looked up caboodle, but I love their definition even more. "Kit and caboodle is a phrase that evolved over time. Most recently from the earlier phrase kit and boodle." Thanks Wikipedia, that's helpful.
Marriage works because they had a shared sense of humor, mutual respect of an awesome
depth, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves and
a love so unwavering and pure that it is sacred.
- Forever Odd by Dean Koontz

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 5:41 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

Dear Betty,

I'm still calling you Betty.

" Oh he knows. I've told him point blank that he has to ask me...no, not just ask, he has to full on propose. We're talking flowers, non-alcoholic festive beverage (we're not drinkers), sweet and sappy words, the whole kit and caboodle "

Ok, now I've got another job for your Bulldozer Brain. You're probably good at compartmentalizing.

Stop thinking about it.

Think about other stuff. Just like quitting smoking, don't think about cigarettes. Think about anything else. Work, family, and here's a good one THE INAUGURATION OF OUR NEW PRESIDENT.

I'll be there in Washington on Jan 20!!! That's occupying my mind these days. I'm soooo excited. Two more weeks. And I'm totally obsessing on all the cabinet and other picks. I have actually met Leon Panetta in person (briefly) (very briefly) (probably all of a nanosecond), but I was impressed with the talk he gave at our organization meeting and was excited to hear of his appointment to the CIA.

Added later. Dang, I just noticed you are in Canada. Oh, well, the inauguration of Barack Obama (ever heard of him?) should be of interest to Canadians, too.

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FutureLeoBride Posts : 63 Registered: 9/24/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 5:46 PM Go to message in response to: digwriter

I think I found our illness:

Acute Onset Matrimania

Definition: An almost psychotic obsession with matrimony and all things related

Types: There is the temporary strain which typically heals itself after the sufferer endures months of planning followed by a wedding ceremony and reception. The second time is more dangerous, and the sufferer will most likely continue to post threads about tulle on the brides.com message boards 20-30 years after the ceremony and reception have taken place.

Symptoms: Chronic listmaking, formation of budget spreadsheets, illusory mental image (more commonly known as daydream) of bridal attire and a lack of focus at work or school

Treatment: Proposal

You won't find THAT on WebMD!!


Marriage works because they had a shared sense of humor, mutual respect of an awesome
depth, faith that they were brought together by a force greater than themselves and
a love so unwavering and pure that it is sacred.
- Forever Odd by Dean Koontz

Reply


digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 7:17 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Hi again auntofthe bride,

I'm in Canada, but I'm actually American; Californian to be exact. Regardless though, we get just as much American news up here as we do Canadian. I'd say more people know about President Elect Obama is than about Canada's Prime Minister. I'll certainly be watching.

Thinking about others things is in fact something I've decided to try, coupled with not mentioning the W word in any form to me darling LL -I'm sure he'll welcome the change of topic.

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digwriter Posts : 25 Registered: 12/19/08
Re: The waiting game is not for type A women!
Posted: Jan 7, 2009 7:19 PM Go to message in response to: FutureLeoBride

That sounds about right futureleobride...Too bad trying to get ahold of the cure only makes the illness worse.

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