"That" Ring. Help Please

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cincyjeff84 Posts : 1 Registered: 12/20/08
"That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 9:13 AM

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now and we've talked a lot about marriage and engagement lately. Whats become very evident to me is that she wants a very particular ring from a very particular place with a very particular box that it comes in. Now I am not rich and I've been trying to look at prices and I think that what she wants is well outside what I'd be capable of buying. But I don't know what I should do. I don't know how to tell her that this ring that she's always wanted is something that I cannot offer her. And I don't want to go broke or get into debt to buy it either. I want to engage sometime near the fall of next year and get married the following year, what can I do until then?

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jloveland Posts : 33 Registered: 12/18/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 9:41 AM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

NO girl gets everything they want. My guess is if you get something similar but a lot cheaper then you tell her after she says yes that you know its not the one then I guess that she will reply back with thats ok I love it! Thats how women are. No matter what happens, she will be proud of the ring you give her even if its nothing alike, but for her...you may want to try matching it up. Just tell her you want to make her wedding a bit more perfect for her. There are ways to go around expensive things.

 

Proposing to my man on 2/24/09 & Marrying on 1/14/12

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

It's very sweet that you are thinking about this but it's also very sad. It drives me crazy when women put so much focus on the ring instead of what it represents.

My only suggestion would be for you is to at least stay in the same "style" ring and just get something you can afford. For instance, if she's wanting something with an antique look, don't buy one that is traditional looking or a simple solitaire. Also, go for white gold instead of platinum, etc. If you're able to post a picture of the one she has her heart set on, maybe we can help you find something similar to it.

I like the idea that PP said when you give her the ring, tell her that you know it's not exactly the ring she was wanting but it's what you could afford. I would hope she would understand and "get it".

One last thing I have to mention -- Size doesn't matter - Quality does!! Please don't buy a 1ct crappy-ass diamond just because it's 1ct. Go to websites and learn the 4 C's (cut, color, clarity, carat) before you even go to the jeweler. Also, you can go on Blue Nile or someplace like that to get a good idea of the price range you can afford.


 

 

Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

Photobucket

Sandals Grande Spa & Beach Resort, St. Lucia

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CaribbeanBride08 Posts : 1,474 Registered: 6/13/07
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 10:51 AM Go to message in response to: CaribbeanBride08

Jeff,
My husband wanted me to add this.... Stay away from mall or dept store jewelry stores. He said your money will go further if you stay away from these types of places.

I don't know where you're located but I'm in CA, yet my husband actually ordered mine from Security Jewelers in Minnesota (http://www.securityjewelers.com/). He didn't have to pay tax! That was a huge bonus because that saved him a big chunk of change. I guess my point is, don't be afraid to order something online. If you contact a reputable company that you can work directly with a sales person, you have nothing to worry about.

Here's a good website if you're considering buying online in order to avoid paying sales tax. It will also help educate you on diamonds.
http://www.pricescope.com/isitsafe.asp#recommend


Tobi & Brian - April 21, 2008

Photobucket

Sandals Grande Spa & Beach Resort, St. Lucia

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RanAway2Maine Posts : 2,359 Registered: 1/27/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 10:52 AM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

That's a tough position. You are very smart to not get involved in purchasing any ring that you do not have the wherewithal to pay for.

I agree with Tobi. It's too bad that you're in a position that you feel obligated to present her with her dream ring. You will most likely have many anniversaries and birthdays or perhaps no occasion when you can surprise her with the ring she wants.

Why not sit down and talk to her about your position? After all, couples should have NO secrets about money or anything for that matter. That's why half of all marriages fail. (Don't quote me) Hopefully she will understand and the both of you can go out and pick another ring that she'll be happy with. Maybe she'll even like a different style! I had my heart set on a specific wedding dress for years, but when I got to finally looking at them and trying them on, I actually found a different dream dress!

I hope everything works out for you. Happy Holidays!



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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 11:14 AM Go to message in response to: RanAway2Maine

I'm with Tobi and Linda Jo. Stick to what you can afford. Stay in the same style. If she wants a round cut, make sure it's round cut, etc.

And I know what Tobi was talking about about staying away from the mall stores, but occasionally you can find a store that makes their own jewelry (that's where we got my wedding ring) and it just so happens it's in a mall. Often they have very unique jewelry or can even make something (but that can be expensive).

I also agree with Linda Jo about maybe talking to her about it, if you've discussed marriage etc.

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HappyGirl13 Posts : 1,298 Registered: 4/21/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 2:26 PM Go to message in response to: PharmToxGirl

I second everything Tobi (CaribbeanBride) said. And if you can't afford the one she likes now, you can always upgrade later for an anniversary or something.

Definitely, definitely agree that you should go for quality over size, too.

Also, if you have a discussion with her, there's your opportunity to go ring shopping and see what else she might like. It's fun and romantic . My husband took me ring shopping before we got engaged, and I was pretty certain I knew beforehand which ring he had picked out, and it didn't take anything away from the surprise of his proposal.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 2:29 PM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

I don't know how to tell her that this ring that she's always wanted is something that I cannot offer her.

Ok, it goes like this: "Sweetheart substitute favorite term of endearment, I know that there is a ring that you've always wanted, but I just cannot afford it." If she says, "I don't care. I just want to marry you," then you've found the right girl. If she whines, begs, pleads for that specific ring, or otherwise rejects your proposal until she gets what she wants, then there is no ring that will make this relationship right.

I'm a big fan of shopping together for an engagement ring. Then you know that she will get something she likes and you will spend what you can afford. I know that the big "surprise" proposal is "in" these days, so call me un-romantic. I prefer to think of myself as realistic (and having been married for 33 years, maybe I can talk a bit about getting priorities straight).

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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Saeria Posts : 14 Registered: 12/13/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 3:43 PM Go to message in response to: myra

a lot of women don't get the ring that they always dream, my engagement ring was no where close to what I really wanted, but because of what it represented and the fact that he picked it out on his own, amazed me. The ring won't matter. No matter what ring you choose, she will find it beautiful. I'm sure.
My princess, My angel, My mate, My Love: No matter what name I give you you will forever be mine

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 3:43 PM Go to message in response to: myra

I agree with the other ladies. if you two are at the point where you are talking about marriage you should be able to talk to her honestly about your finances. If you are talking marriage she should have an idea of your financial picture already. The woman you should marry is the woman who will understand that while her dream ring is a wonderful thing to have the man she wants to spend her life with is much more valuable. If she doesn't get that you need to throw her back and start fishing again.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

  wedding ticker

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mrsJLA Posts : 445 Registered: 5/25/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 5:22 PM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

I agree with myra and the other posts.... if that ring your girl wants is from Tiffany's or Cartier - half of what your paying is for the "Brand Name."

My advice to you is to shop around. Best best is to make friends with an independant jeweler near you or ask family/friends for recommendations. For example, my hubby had my engagement ring custom made by a local jeweler whom his parents had been using for years. Not only does he put a lifetime guarantee on his stuff, but the association allowed us to get great price (better than a chain jeweler) - and definitely more bling for your buck ...

My weddign ring is from Costco. Yup Costco. My hubby is employed by them and he has told me stories where Costco took back a few engagement rings and other diamond rings worth 10K and over because the guy got dumped or the wife didnt like it. Seriously. When I went into Tiffany's and asked about repairs or guarantees on their stuff they said they would have to "Send it out to a jeweler to determine if the lost stone/damage/whatever was due to faulty craftsmanship or daily wear, the latter which was not covered by their guarantee." I walked out after that. AND whatever you do, get Loss/ Damage/Full coverage INSURANCE on the ring before she even starts to wear it - you can go through Traveler's or a similiar co!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a pic of a $3,950 pink sapphire/diamond platinum ring from TIffany's that I considered before buying the under $1000 (appraised near $3000) ring from Costco (the one in the flowers) that has twice as many pink sapphires, similiar diamond weight but in white gold. I get compliments on it all the time. And I didnt break the bank!

Tiffany's....




http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?sku=GRP00317&mcat=148204&cid=287466&search_params=s+5-p+6-c+287466-r+101323353-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+


My ring


-J

 

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 20, 2008 6:03 PM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

I think that if she really loves you and cares for you and your marriage together then she wouldn't care what ring you get her. As long as you get her something decent and pretty all will be good. You can find a lot of nice rings out there that are affordable.

 


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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 12:38 AM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

First.... it's nice to have a future groom here! Welcome!!!

Second, I do agree with previous posters.... find out the style she likes -- does she want a princess cut stone or a marquis? Does she want a solitaire or a ring which has other stones? (And do make sure you know her finger size....that impacts more than most people realize! -- My size 3.75 finger meant that my ring had to be special ordered because sizing down was not an option....it would have been taking so much of the band out that it would have ruined the integrity of the ring.)
The complaints I see here are not "He didn't by from Jared".... but "I told him I loved the princess cut and he got me a brilliant cut" or "I like the solitaire look and he got me a three stone ring" The style itself really is the one that matters...and let's be honest, that box is not that important (but if it really is... get on ebay and buy the silly tiffany blue box <G> I am sure you can get the box for real cheap). We each have a certain 'look' we like.

For example: I told my FH that I wanted a sapphire and that I liked the white metals. I also told him I specifically did not like the oval cut. I'd have been disappointed if I'd have received an oval ruby set in yellow gold. I'd have still said yes, but it would have told me that he's not listening to what I like. Once he knew what I liked, when we started looking, we only looked at the sapphire rings. And if they didn't have any non ovals, or rings in white gold, we didn't spend much time there. As it stands, I got a princess cut sapphire set in white gold. Of course, we did have to pretty much create the ring -- but that was after a discussion with a jeweler pretty much made us realize that anything in the case (size 7) would not be workable ... and most of those rings were only available sizes 5 and up....and that was still too much of a downsize.

Your gf should be fine, so long as you get the style she's shown you -- and she may not really be as specific as you are thinking. She may have been showing that to you to give you an idea of her taste in jewelry (you see...some of us have learned that 'subtle' doesn't actually work. We need to hit folks over the head with a 2 by 4 so you understand the hint. But subtle probably works on you <G>, so you interpreted the 2x4 whack as the 'must have' instead of the 'this is the style I like')

But the thing is... some girls have been surprised by how much they love their rings -- when the ring is one they'd never have chosen for themselves. They are surprised at how perfect the ring is.

Don't stress too much over it. Make the proposal special, and she'll smile whenever she thinks about it.

Misty

wedding countdown

Visit our Wedding Website

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LinzZ Posts : 683 Registered: 12/13/07
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 22, 2008 9:47 AM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

Welcome to the boards, Jeff. I'm from Ohio, too. Right on Lake Erie, about an hour East of Cleveland. When you get to the stage in planning that you're looking for a photographer, I know a GREAT one. He's out of Canton, but he travels (worldwide sometimes). He did an absolutely amazing job with our wedding. Scott Watt. Photographybyscott.com is his site. Great guy.

Anyway, I agree with the previous poster who said she may be less specific than you think. Try talking to her. Tell her, "You know I want to give you everything you dream of, and you have your heart set on a specific ring, but I simply can not afford to purchase that for you." If you feel she is going to give you a hard time, tell her she has two choices, she can compromise with you on the ring or she can WAIT an unknown amount of time while you save up for the ring (I'm guessing this might be a bit of a wait since you weren't planning to propose until later next year and I'm assuming you'd be saving right up until you purchased the ring). Most women want it all with the proposal, they want their dream ring and they want it now, but if she has to choose between being engaged now or having the overly expensive ring, I'm guessing she'll compromise (but you know her better than we do). If she chooses to wait, you have time to save and you can use that time to really think about whether you really want to marry someone that would put off being married to you so you could save to buy her a ring she knows you couldn't afford.

ticker

 

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: "That" Ring. Help Please
Posted: Dec 22, 2008 11:11 AM Go to message in response to: cincyjeff84

A friend of mine was in a similar predicament. What he did was to go into this store, have the saleslady take the ring out of the counter, and then he took tons (and I mean TONS) of very, very detailed pictures of the ring with his cameraphone. He took notes on the cut, clarity and the other c (I always forget the other "c"). He noted the band type.

He then took these pictures to a local, reliable jeweler that a friend recommended. The jeweler looked at all the pictures and recreated this ring -- exactly! -- for my friend at about 1/4 of the price that the ring was in that other store.

Now, I'm assuming the store she wants the ring from is Tiffany's. Tiffany's is a big, huge, waste of money (as my friend found). Their rings are majorly overpriced, and the only thing you are paying for is the box. Do some research and you'll hear this from other sources as well. So what you want to do is try and recreate this ring she wants as best you can using someone more reliable (ask your friends where they bought your rings. My husband found our jeweler because his friends had all used him before.) You'll probably have to cut corners somewhere -- the diamond might be smaller, you may go for white gold instead of platinum (that's what my husband did) -- but if you put the thought and effort into it to do the best you can to fit her needs within your budget, she will understand, and will appreciate the effort you went to to make her dream ring come true.

Remember - if you go into debt to pay for this ring, it will become both of your debt once you get married. And you don't want her to end up paying for her own ring, do you?

Good luck!


__________________________________________
My new favorite website: www.poptimal.com

"I'd hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, or insanity, but they've always worked for me." Hunter S. Thompson

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