moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??

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Kickadeepi Posts : 18 Registered: 4/20/08
moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 1:05 AM

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 1/2 years now and we were discussing on moving in together. We have already talked about getting married and are just waiting for me to finish up my last year of college (he has already graduated), but until then we were going to wait till I was done with college, and then we would get married and I agreed at that time we would move in together in to his appartment. Well just recently these past couple of days he has been wanting me to move in with him, I have been against this idea for a few reasons. First off I don't like the fact that I would be with him yet we wouldn't truly be a "engaged couple" which means a lot to me, otherwise I kind of feel like he is using me in a sense that he is able to be with me yet not have to worry about a true comitment. Secondly, my other big issue is the fact that I have a dog, means quite a bit to me, and I would not want to get rid of him by any means. My boyfriend thinks it's no big deal, but his appartment doesn't accepts cats only and I told him that it is hard to find an appartment that accepts a 200 pound dog. And so far no luck. He really wants this relationship to progress as do I, but I can't just dump my dog at a shelter, he means something to me. Any ideas of what to do? Has anyone strangily been threw anything like this?

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 1:19 AM Go to message in response to: Kickadeepi

On the point of you not wanting to move in until 'engaged' - you need to tell him this now as it does not seem you've expressed this to him before.

I totally understand not wanting to get rid of your dog and I totally agree.

Keep looking until you find a place that meets all of your needs. Unless you do, you'll regret it.

Good luck!

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 7:30 AM Go to message in response to: Kickadeepi

Do not allow your boyfriend to pressure you into doing something you are not ready for. You feel uncomfortable moving in with him without a ring then don't move in until you get the ring. If he really cares about you he will respect your feelings and wait until you are ready. If your dog is that important to you then you need to do what is right for the dog and for you. Do not do anything you feel is not right for you it will only lead to regrets later.

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

  wedding ticker

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CheetahAngel Posts : 2,017 Registered: 11/29/08
Re: moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 7:50 AM Go to message in response to: Kickadeepi

Yea don't let him force you/pressure you to move in with him if u are not ready. I wanted to wait until I was engaged to move out with my bf (we've been together for 4yrs when we moved out) but then I decided that I just wanted to move out with him because I couldn't stand living at home any longer and neigher could he. I have cats so we looked and looked until we found a place that allows cats. There was no way I was going to leave my cats and I don't think you should leave your dog either. Living together is a good thing in a sence because u get to see if you are willing to live with this person forever and deal with their "bad habits". I will finally get my ring this Christmas and I am sooo glad I didnt wait for the ring to move out cuz I would have been miserable living at home with my dad :-p I was just ready to move out, I mean I am 26 years old! So make sure it' something that YOU want to do.

Edited by: CheetahAngel on Dec 16, 2008 7:51 AM

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Nalamienea Posts : 2,924 Registered: 6/13/08
Re: moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 16, 2008 7:51 AM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

I totally understand the dog thing. Have you tried searching for a rental house? Maybe you'll have a backyard you could use with a lead line or something. :)

And yeah, I agree with the other posters, don't move in if you're not ready. If he's pressuring even after you tell him you're not okay with it, then you'll have to rethink the whole relationship I think.


IMG_7875.jpg picture by sarahandchris2008

10/26/08 

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Kickadeepi Posts : 18 Registered: 4/20/08
Re: moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 2:44 AM Go to message in response to: Kickadeepi

After much discussion, he seen why I didn't want to move in without a ring (of some sort) and he sincerely apologizes for making me feel pressured and he also explained that the reason he wanted to move in together was so we are able to learn to be stable together financially also to have our own lives running stable so that when we take that leap to mairrage we will be living already stabile together and not have to worry about that after a wedding, we would already be stable for everything.

We have begun to look for a duplex that will accept dogs ( most around here do) and we are currently trying to compare which we like better while we wait till his lease is up ( sometime begining of January) so then we will be able to move in together (which I now see his point to, and agree to without any pressure). Now that we are finally agreeing on how we are as a couple going to move forward, his mom is not.

I could kind of tell right from the begining that I was not his mom's "ideal girl" for her son. To describe me a bit, I am an artsy kind of gal who love music, art, science, singing, dancing, and theater! I dress in anything to fancy to tom boy casual. I am just an all around outgoing friendly person and very seldom have I met anyone who has generally not liked me because I normally will find something in common with you. Although this seems to be the case with her.

I have been as friendly as I can be and as understanding as I can get about the whole "us moving in" thing with her. She seems afraid to cut the cord. No matter what I seem to do, she doesn't seem crazy about me. Between my tattoo's (two small ones on my upper thigh completely hideable unless I'm in a bathing suit) to my outgoing personality, she doesn't seem to like a single thing about me.

She doesn't like pets and has never owned a pet except for a small fish tank in the basement. She is a completely spotless cleaner and cannot stand to have a crumb out of place. She must buy name brand clothes to keep her "higher image". Everything she does for the day is completely routine and scheduled with a structured environment with not a single thing out of place. She watches us like a hawk and has to know what he is doing every few minutes of the day, and forbid she ever where to think that her son has ever had sex (which we have and are way past that stage in our relationship).

Me an my boyfriend are to the point in our relationship that we are grown up and have realised that, we're not in that "love at first sight" ordeal, even though she is dismissing us as that. We are in the stage of our lives that we know we don't need to search anymore, we found what it was that we were looking for, and we know that neither of us is perfect and that's what helps hold us strong, our differences, and we wouldn't love eachother without them. I just don't know if I can stand the thought of her as my mother in law. Does anyone know what to do?

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: moving in together??? no ring yet and trying to find an appartment??
Posted: Dec 21, 2008 9:35 AM Go to message in response to: Kickadeepi

Living together while engaged will give you the opportunity to learn joint financial managment prior to marriage. If he wants to propose to you officially without a ring, that's between you -- there are some who do that, and then go shopping for the ring -- and even save for it. (sure, when you say "I'm engaged" people say 'show me the rock", but you can explain saving for it) Heck, when I say I'm engaged, people ask me the date, and then they say "So far out?" Excuse me... our engagement is 1 year, 1 month, and 17 days. How is that a LONG engagement. These events take time to plan and save for.

I too told my FH that I did not want to live with him until we were formally engaged. That meant that his lease time was also part of his time line for proposal.

Misty

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