Hard to be patient

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ImpatientlyWait... Posts : 1 Registered: 2/22/08
Hard to be patient
Posted: Nov 26, 2008 2:03 PM

I have been dating my other half for about a year and a half. Not even three months into the relationship he was already telling me that he was going to marry me. At first it was more futuristic than reality since we really hadn't been dating very long yet. Then we decided that late summer of 2009 would be a good time, and he told me that he couldn't ask me to marry him until he had a stable job (he had just graduated college when we started dating) so that he could show my father that he could support us. He told me that when he found that job, to expect a proposal "imminently"

Well, he was hired and accepted into the police academy last January. So I thought that a proposal could be near. He then said that he first wanted to be sure to graduate the academy, and since finishing up my last semester of college we only we able to see each other during weekends. Since then I have graduated college and started my career and we have moved into an apartment together. I had hoped to be engaged before we moved in (June), but it did not work out quite that way.

He tells me that he wants to get me the perfect ring and I have tried to tell him that it doesn't have to be anything expensive. I have read several other posts where women have said the same thing and it is good to know that this happens often. I know that he's serious about our relationship or we would have never moved in together. But, after being told for over a year that the proposal is coming soon, it has almost taken all of the fun out of the engagement process. When he first got the job at the Sheriff's office, I had started buying magazines and looking at all types of ides for our wedding, and even discussed many details with him. But I have really been trying just to put the whole thing out of my mind, thinking that would make the anticipation easier. We have been to five weddings this year, and it is really hard to see everyone around you getting married when I can't officially start planning my own. Anyway, it was nice to vent to other women who have experienced similar situations as I am in. Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.

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mrspinky Posts : 3,773 Registered: 3/14/08
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Nov 26, 2008 3:28 PM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

ImpatientlyWaiting:

Not even three months into the relationship he was already telling me that he was going to marry me.

Then we decided that late summer of 2009 would be a good time, and he told me that he couldn't ask me to marry him until he had a stable job (he had just graduated college when we started dating) so that he could show my father that he could support us.

He told me that when he found that job, to expect a proposal "imminently"

He then said that he first wanted to be sure to graduate the academy, and since finishing up my last semester of college we only we able to see each other during weekends.

He tells me that he wants to get me the perfect ring and I have tried to tell him that it doesn't have to be anything expensive.

I know that he's serious about our relationship or we would have never moved in together.


All of these statement tells me he wants to marry you but want it to be perfect. He doesn't want to rush and he wants to make sure everything is how it should be instead of just popping the question and having no way to plan for the "perfect wedding." Sounds like he wants everything to be nice and not "low budget."

I'd just wait and maybe express to him what you've expressed to us and see what he says.

Mrs. Pinky


glitter-graphics.com

Our Wedding Website 

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Nov 26, 2008 11:02 PM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

A good relationship and a good marriage are based on open communication. This is YOUR LIFE you're talking about. There's nothing wrong with broaching the subject and guaging his reaction. The decision to get engaged is a mutual one--there's no reason that a modern woman has to sit by and wait passively until her man pops the question. I know about the trend for "surprise" proposals, but in your gut, you know when long enough is too long.

myra at www.classysassyweddings.com

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Nov 27, 2008 12:00 AM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

I was with my DH 4 1/2 years before he proposed.

I know that he takes his time on important decision - granted if we had hit 5 years (and we've been living together and he had to fight his parents on that) I woul dhave been tempted to ask him but I also konw that he's very traditional.

It ends up that he SHOCKED me with his proposal. You just never know.

We talked about wedding things - vaguely. But based on what I KNOW of his ideals and values, I was comfortable that we were on our way.

I think Myra is right - open the lines of communication. I was in a unique position, as you are too.A num ber of us have been there, but all of us have unique personalities and situations.

Personally, I can see letting it ride out.... that's me.

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Roziie Posts : 1 Registered: 11/27/08
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Nov 27, 2008 11:33 PM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

ImpatientlyWaiting wrote:I have been dating my other half for about a year and a half. Not even three months into the relationship he was already telling me that he was going to marry me. At first it was more futuristic than reality since we really hadn't been dating very long yet. Then we decided that late summer of 2009 would be a good time, and he told me that he couldn't ask me to marry him until he had a stable job (he had just graduated college when we started dating) so that he could show my father that he could support us. He told me that when he found that job, to expect a proposal "imminently"

Well, he was hired and accepted into the police academy last January. So I thought that a proposal could be near. He then said that he first wanted to be sure to graduate the academy, and since finishing up my last semester of college we only we able to see each other during weekends. Since then I have graduated college and started my career and we have moved into an apartment together. I had hoped to be engaged before we moved in (June), but it did not work out quite that way.

He tells me that he wants to get me the perfect ring and I have tried to tell him that it doesn't have to be anything expensive. I have read several other posts where women have said the same thing and it is good to know that this happens often. I know that he's serious about our relationship or we would have never moved in together. But, after being told for over a year that the proposal is coming soon, it has almost taken all of the fun out of the engagement process. When he first got the job at the Sheriff's office, I had started buying magazines and looking at all types of ides for our wedding, and even discussed many details with him. But I have really been trying just to put the whole thing out of my mind, thinking that would make the anticipation easier. We have been to five weddings this year, and it is really hard to see everyone around you getting married when I can't officially start planning my own. Anyway, it was nice to vent to other women who have experienced similar situations as I am in. Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.



Hi friend, I can understand the situation you are facing but don't worry everything would be fine.

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Edited by: Roziie on Nov 27, 2008 11:33 PM

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Dec 1, 2008 12:01 AM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

I have to agree a few of the PPs and say, talk to your boyfriend and try to be patient... easy to say and tough to do, right? ;) In the meantime, don't feel guilty about browsing bridal magazines or even these forums, there's great ideas and advice to be picked up everywhere, and since he sounds so serious about marrying you, it might not hurt to start planning the big day/ the marriage.... It's fun to daydream!

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SoonToBeMrsLish Posts : 50 Registered: 11/24/08
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Dec 3, 2008 2:27 AM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

ImpatientlyWaiting~

Before my FH ever proposed I felt this same way. He kept telling me it was going to happen and it would be soon enough. And eventually I started to get frustrated bc I started to feel like he was "jerking my leg" I guess you could say. Im a big believer that if its meant to happen, work out, then it will. So I decided to think about it in that perspective. And sure enough when I wquit thinking about and got over the fact about him proposing it happened. And let me tell you I was totally thrown off. So my advice to you is to take your mind off of it. If you start thinking about do something else. (ie. check out bridal magazines, chat in these forums, etc. to ease your mind) And eventually when you least expect it, it will happen. Good luck!

The love of my life... My other half... My best friend!!

 

magicalkingdoms.com Ticker

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CamLovesJmw Posts : 49 Registered: 12/3/08
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Dec 3, 2008 11:01 PM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

I understand what you are going through! My bf and i have been dating for almost 6 years, and i've been waiting for him to ask to marry me! We've set a date somewhat for october 2010...but that's about it soo far.. He hasn't proposed yet or anything, but we've set a date....

I know it's hard but really try to take your mind off of it.
KissJosh and Chelsea 6 years strongKiss

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Franko Posts : 128 Registered: 11/15/08
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Dec 6, 2008 1:51 AM Go to message in response to: CamLovesJmw

why dont you come clean in front of him and ask him, this is a big issue for you

 

I bought our rings @

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Rhondalee Posts : 2 Registered: 1/14/09
Re: Hard to be patient
Posted: Jan 15, 2009 8:36 PM Go to message in response to: ImpatientlyWait...

I know exactly how you feel! First, he said he wanted to wait for a job since he just graduated. A few monthes later, he finally has a job. Ok. Then we were planning on going to Miami over Christmas break, but that fell through. Then he tells me later that he was planning on proposing while we were there! Um, ok. Great. Now what? He still hasn't popped the question and I'm trying so hard not to go ahead and plan the wedding. We've been together over 5 years. I'm a planner and this is so hard for me to not plan....I am trying not to get impatient and "pressure" him, but it's hard when everyone around me is getting engaged. Dang facebook for updating me on everyone's lives...

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