Getting Impatient... *UPDATED*

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 10

CountryPrincess Posts : 673 Registered: 9/25/08
Getting Impatient... *UPDATED*
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 3:59 PM

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years this Novemeber. We were long distance for the first year and then we started living together he gave me a promise ring. Well that was on our one year. He was going to propse on our 2 year. I found out and freaked out. The whole "I'm too young" thing, early cold feet I guess? I'll be 19 in december. We're financially independant and stable and know how we are going to plan out our wedding. I'm ready to be engaged now but he's stalling and its starting to eat at me. I'm constantly looking at wedding pics, planning ours, etc... and he's doing it too! We have an estimated date, plans, guests, everything. Help me out girls!! I need to know how to keep my cool before I just propose to him instead!

 

Thanks to all of you who helped me out with my BF in this thread and in "How do I let him know?". This weekend we finally had some down time and we had a good, long talk. Found out BF still wants to marry me but when I raised questions within myself about us getting married so young, he began to raise questions within himself as well. So while we still fully intend on getting married, BF has realized he wasn't ready as he thought he was. Which is OK with me. I'd rather and have it be for sure then to just jump in now and second guess the whole thing. In the mean time, he still wants to hear about the cute wedding ideas I find/come up with and wants to entertain the whole wedding idea. As its important to him as well. So thanks again to everyone who helped me out. I'm going to stay on this site and just kind of see what everyone else is doing. I'll let you all know when he eventually pops the question!


Message was edited by: KJsGirl

Reply


FinallyMrsS Posts : 1,035 Registered: 3/29/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 4:29 PM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

I'm kind of confused... Are you engaged? I saw another thread you posted and you called him your fiance. I also noticed you were asking for ideas and it seemed like you had a good chink of your wedding already planned. To be honest, you need to stop! If your not engaged yet, but planning it is going to drive you more nuts. Just take a step back. If your not engaged yet, planning wont do you any good. I am not saying to leave brides.com. I was on here RELIGIOUSLY for about a month before I got engaged. I used this as my outlet. I didn't want my now FH to be overwhelmed by all of my thoughts and hopes, so I came on here and found a group of girls in my shoes. It helped me out a lot. But I didnt do anything that had to do with planning! I definitely think you should step back and just wait for it to happen. If you jump the gun and pop the question to him, it may piss him off and ruin your relationship. Just hang in there and try to relax!

Reply


justkel Posts : 156 Registered: 8/7/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 5:09 PM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

I agree with Previous Post.

I know that you think that you are ready to get married and it is probably eating away at you but you have to control yourself!  I knew that I wanted to my FH a long time before he actually proposed, but I didn't dare let him know that I was dreaming of our wedding day.  You need to let him be the man in this situation and when he gets ready he will propose.  And just because you have been together almost 2 years doesn't mean it's time to get married.  Getting married is more than just planning a wedding.  I suggest curbing your wedding exposure, if that makes any sense.  I always thought I would plan the majority of my wedding myself.  Wrong.  FH has an opinion on everything and it's not just my wedding day.  It's more special when I get to share the whole experience with him.

 


 

Reply

hellokitty4ever Posts : 740 Registered: 6/6/07
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 6:34 PM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

Take a deep breath and relax.  Look, he may be looking at "wedding stuff" just so that he can share a common interest with you, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he is ready to wed.  Take your time.  What's the rush?  Also, if you're constantly in the wedding planning mode, you might be a little pushy to him, even though you might not think so.  I suggest you take your mind off of "wedding, wedding, wedding" and instead enjoy your time with him.  If it's meant to be, it will happen.  :) 

 


Reply


TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 6:57 PM Go to message in response to: FinallyMrsS

I got the same feeling as Future MrsSchultz, I just read one of your other posts and it sounded as if you were already engaged etc.

Honestly, I wouldn't push him. He'll propose when he's ready. My DH and I had known and been friends for about 9 years before we finally started dating. We both knew months into the relationship that we were going to get married, but we didn't want to get engaged so soon after just starting to date. He'd casually mention getting engaged at various points throughout the year, which I hated cuz it got my hopes up. I had mentioned the thought of taking summer classes and he'd make a comment about how ill be busy with class, work and planning a wedding. Then in the fall he mentioned doing it after i graduated in December. Graduation came and went, as did Christmas and New Years, so I stopped getting my hopes up. Then he did it soon after the new year. 

But see, even though we had talked about it, it took almost a year for him after to actually ask. At one point he told me to pick a date but i told him i wasn't go to do that until i had a ring as i didn't want to talk to vendors without actually being engaged yet.

And anything can happen too. Not to say this'll happen to you, but my former roommate was starting to get all into the wedding mood since she was a bridesmaid in my wedding. her and her boyfriend of almost 3 years, who even moved in together, had discussed it and decided they wanted to do a new years eve wedding, since that was their anniversary, but wait until they were done with school (she has like a year and a half left, he mostly works now). well, they broke up this week and she was so sure of him - they had even discussed wedding plans. 

so even though 2 years seems like a long time (trust me, i know - first serious bf last 3 years, 2nd was 3.5 years), just hang in there and focus on school. don't push him about it because it may backfire and only end up hurting your relationship. he'll ask when he feels ready to - maybe he's having the same jitters you had?


 

 

countdown to your wedding

*September 13, 2008 *

 

 

Reply

kingme Posts : 8 Registered: 9/22/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 25, 2008 7:08 PM Go to message in response to: hellokitty4ever

I agree with this- I just got engaged and I was surprised. I know I didn't talk about marriage we kind of would talk about wedding stuff at other people's weddings like "our wedding wouldn't be like this but I didn't think we were at that point.  patience. he just got a new job so he said he felt secure that he could take care of me .  

 

I'm obessed with these websites now. theknot.com, engagement101mag.com, today i was on elegant bride.  Now that reality of I have to plan t his thing it's quite scary.

Reply

jar222 Posts : 1 Registered: 8/11/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 26, 2008 4:03 PM Go to message in response to: kingme

I guess my inpatience is a little different... I have been "engaged" for the last 13 months, that is, I have a ring on my finger and we are planning to get married.  Unfortunately, we can't set a date yet.  I am still finishing up the annulment process through the Catholic church - I am not even catholic, he is.  So, I REALLY want to set a date and actually plan....  Patience is a virtue I am still learning....

Reply

CountryPrincess Posts : 673 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 26, 2008 10:42 PM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

Thanks to everyone. But I guess I was unclear. He told me he was going to ask me to marry him this novemeber (november 9, 2008) to be exact. He's not my first serious boyfriend either -- not at all. He took me to a bunch of stores to get ideas for an enagement ring and I was the one who freaked on him. I started pushing him away from me and once I had started talking to his friends and found out that he was actually going to propose (had bought a ring and all) I pushed him soo far away. I freakd out baddd. We are both seriously planning our wedding, and he calls me his fiance (which drives me nuts since I'm really not). But, I think because I freaked on him the first time, he's really cautious this time. I poste those other blogs because they were things he and I were discussing literally that same day and i thoguht it would be good to bring them up on here. we're engaged without the title i guess is the way you could put it. so heres a better question: how do i let him know I wont freak on him this time??

Reply

CountryPrincess Posts : 673 Registered: 9/25/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 26, 2008 10:54 PM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

oh! & ps - someone mentioned not to plan the wedding by myself because kevin will have ideas too. im not doing that AT ALL. he really is helping. he makes comments all the time. and i dont think it is him just trying to have a "common" interest with me since he brought up the whole idea to begin with ...

Reply


justkel Posts : 156 Registered: 8/7/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 27, 2008 10:11 AM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

how do I let him know I won't freak on him this time? 

If it really is that serious, then I'll tell you what I did.  As I said in my earlier post, I knew that I wanted to marry my now fiance for a long time before we were engaged.  I wanted him to know exactly how I felt about him and our relationship.  I wrote him a letter containing everything I felt, then I read it to him.  Yes, it would have been easier to just give him the letter, but reading it outloud to him puts me in a vulnerable position, showing him that I trust him.  I basically laid all my cards out on the table.  Two months later, he proposed.  :)  I don't know if showing/telling him everything I felt about him helped or not, but it sure didn't hurt. 

Good Luck!


 

Reply


TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Getting Impatient...
Posted: Sep 27, 2008 1:13 PM Go to message in response to: CountryPrincess

how do i let him know I wont freak on him this time?

um, not to state the obvious here, but sit down and talk to him and tell him?

i mean if he's not planning on doing it until your november anniversary, there's still a little over a month. just sit down with him, explain to him why you freaked out before and that you're fine with it now and why your opinion changed. if you guys are serious about getting married, then you should have no problem talking with each other about how you're feeling.


 

 

countdown to your wedding

*September 13, 2008 *

 

 

Reply
RSS

Thank You
for Signing Up!

Check your e-mail inbox for the latest updates from brides.com

Give a Subscription to Brides Magazine as a Gift
Subscribe to Brides magazine