A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 4:21 PM Go to message in response to: Autumnalis2010

Ariana--I know how you feel about the guest list! Ours got way out of hand too, and we invited 230 people or so--WAY more than I wanted! But only 180 showed, so it didn't end up being that bad. We did send out a lot of coutesy invites too. lol. And I agree with blackdiamond, you should think about forgoing the "and guest"s on the invites.

BlackDiamond--I love the name Christopher! But Chris doesn't want a jr. so....yeah. lol. As far as your stepmom being the photographer, have you seen any of her work?? I would definitely advise making her a list of pictures you absolutely must have and make 100% sure you like her work. Chris and I had an amature photog for our wedding and it ended up being a terrible experience!

Autumn--That's so great that your offer got accepted!!! Yay!

Someone mentioned about dress shopping when you are...well endowed?? lol. I wear a 34D and I have a small waist, but finding my dress really wasnt a huge deal--I highly recommend getting a lace-up, corset style bodice on your dress. That way you are supported and don't have to wear a ton of lingerie underneath (this is especially nice for summer and early fall weddings!) and you don't have to have a ton of alterations. You may need some, but not nearly what you would need if you got a different type of bodice style. Just a thought!

So I've been doing some thinking about how Chris and I are handling our money. Right now it's kind of all in Chris's head and he "balances the checkbook" (we use online banking so what he does is look at the online statement and balance it with our receipts and with the money tracking program we have on our computer) every other night--if not every night! But, I'm thinking that we could be doing more. He works 40 hours a week and then gets overtime some weekends. What I really think we need to do is sit down and actually create a budget based on the 40 hours he works plus what I work. Then the overtime pay would genuinely be extra money, rather than all his pay getting lumped together. I don't know why we haven't done it--I guess its because when he started getting laid off and all that last October we needed every penny so it didn't matter so much. But, I would like to start doing that because I'm positive we could find a lot of areas to save. What I have in mind is just separating the extra money from the regular money, I guess. I don't know, we're going to talk about it tonight. I would love to set up a house fund, a baby fund and a regular savings account that we would divide the extra money into, but I think we might wait on that till we find out what is going to happen with Chris's job. He wants to be sure that he's going to have have a job before we commit to a savings plan like that.

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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 5:09 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Ryanne & BlackDiamond - We don't really have any "& guests" invited. I mean we included the & guests that we know and have been around for awhile but not anything past that. I just feel that we finally found our place and now the guest list keeps growing. My mom said the same thing about the people that won't show up, but honestly I don't know who wouldn't show up. I mean most of the guest list is family so they will be here because they don't have to travel. Friends don't have to travel either and have been family long friends so we can't skip out on any of them either. I just think that the people that FH "thinks" may be invited shouldn't be. They do not fall into the family or good friends category .. I mean we see them sometimes, but IMO I don't think that they would even expect to be invited.

Ryanne - I also have to say that eventually doing a savings acct is a great idea! FH and I set one up right after we got engaged and we both put a designated amt in (the same for each of us) every other week (when FH gets paid, I get paid weekly) and over time to see the build up really is great. FH is setting up a vacation fund because he wants to go to the Big East tourney next year again (we went this year) but we won't get the student discount anymore, so we will have to pay reg price for the tickets.

Also I can't remember who asked if we were loosing weight for any special reason .. I AM!! First off summer and then FH and I might go on a vacation for our graduation gift to each other, we haven't made anything final yet, but I really want to go!!!

Autumn - FH and I got engaged 5 months after we started dating .... GASP!!! But we were friends for 8 years before that so we knew each other really well. We talked to our parents 1-2 months after we started dating so imagine that!! But to be honest with you even though I was 21 and he was 20 at the time of the talk, neither one of ou parents were mad or against it at all. We of course told them that our goal was to continue to go to school and not get married until we are set in our careers and finished what we wanted to do, and that is our plan. As I said to Ryanne we have a combined savings that we just put money into, we do NOT take anything else because that is our wedding, house, future fund. I have my own checking and savings and FH has his own as well. Other family members want us to hurry up and get married, they see that even though we are young, we are also both very mature. People honestly think that FH and I are already 24/25 and we're like nope just 22!! We will be 24 and I will almost be 25 by the time we get married, but like I said we got engaged when we were 21. I think that sometimes people that don't know you or FH or don't know how you feel about each other can't understand the fact that people can be in love at a young age and know the difference between love and lust. FH and I see each other every day, and to be honest if he wasn't in my life I wouldn't know what to do. We have grown individually but also as a couple in our relationship. Maybe you should point this out to FILs. Some people just can't understand it. They will come around to it or basically have no choice but to. But anyways ... we are coming up on our 2 year anniversary on July 7th! I'm telling you the time has flied by!

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theblackdiamond... Posts : 18 Registered: 11/8/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 5:10 PM Go to message in response to: ryanne

I just realized that in addition to both our guys being named Christopher, we're also both from Missouri. Too weird!

Yes, i'm giving my stepmom a shot list, but as to seeing her work... it's just a sticky situation. I have the pro for my reception and i'm probably going to pay sandals to do a small amount of pictures, so i'm hoping i can just be happy with what she does.

I'm not close at all with my father, I actually don't even like him much, and we've already gone through some problems with the wedding... since I told him I didn't want him to walk me down the aisle, and now with him wanting to do the ceremony and me also being against that.

Having his wife do some of the pictures... it's kind of a small gesture of peace.

Family issues make everything so complicated. sigh Still, what is most important is me, chris, and that beautiful beach with our vows, and that is what i'm focusing on.

ETA - Ryanne - wow, that many people without "and guests"?! That is going to be one busy reception hall!

------- 

On June 5th, 2010 I will become Mrs. Ashlyn Brewer!



Edited by: theblackdiamondbride on Apr 23, 2009 5:11 PM

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 9:00 PM Go to message in response to: theblackdiamond...

Hey girls! Wow you girls have been awefuly busy in here!! I will try and put what I remember

Welcom Wilson (?) I would love to hear more about your fall wedding. I think Fall is my favorite season!!

Autumn~ How exciting he accepted your offer, but I would be making sure your questions get answered. I'm wondering if he is offering a unit witht hte same floor plan.

Ariana~ I am graduation May 8th....It doesn't really feel like I am graduatiing cuz it was a crappy private college, and I am not even getting a degree because they screwed me out of it. That does sound like a crazy weekend, but it should be ok. Wow I can't imagine a guest list that big!! I was shocked to see ours get up to almost 90!! You and FH are paying for the wedding right? If so you have final say over who gets invited. THat way you can keep the guest list the size you want it to get your venue. If you want to allow your parents and FIL to have a say tell them I will let you invite x amount of people because that is what we have room for, choose carefully, and no you may not ask more.

Black~ I am glad to hear your starting to get into planning. Your getting married next June right? Wow I can't imagine having that long to plan, although I have terrible ADD and I have been planning my wedding for 9 months and am so tired of it!! Only 30 days away though!!

Ryann~ I think I remember seeing a post about how terrible your photographer was, and she wasn't getting you your pics, and trying to charge more. Thats horrible and I would be so angry. I hope I don't have that problem, I am having my teacher do my photos, but he has his own business and has been doing it for a while, so I think everything should be ok.

Thats all I remember...I wonder why KJ hasn't been on here in a while?? So I go for my hair trial tomarrow, and then my shower on Saturday. I am excited, I get to see a bounch of people I haven't seen in ages!! My sister is all excited and has been running aorund all day getting things for it since it will be at her house. She also made everyone hanging flower pots that she grew the flowers for herself. ANd my MOH is making a ton of food, spegatti, and a salad, and a ton of desserts. Well I have to go make some dinner. Hope you ladies have a great night!

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ryanne Posts : 1,042 Registered: 4/27/06
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 23, 2009 10:35 PM Go to message in response to: theblackdiamond...

Blackdiamond--Oh that is too weird! Where are you at in MO if you don't mind my asking? I'm in the STL area. And our reception hall was busy! It ended up being a really good number of people though. Hopefully everything works out with your step mom being the photographer!

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Rose217 Posts : 474 Registered: 8/9/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 2:15 AM Go to message in response to: ryanne

Autumn- I love using PS on a Mac!

Also, I understand what you mean about making major life plans with your boyfriend the rest of the world doesn't know about. My family and friends know that FH and I are serious and planning to go abroad together, but they don't realize we'll be married first. I don't want to tell my parents the date we're considering until we're engaged, but I'm debating on whether to clue them in that we'll be engaged relatively soon. I had wanted to surprise everyone with the news, especially my mom, but now I'm thinking I might want to get some insight from her about divorce. In my inner monologue and musings recently, my parents divorce eight years ago has begun to nag at me. I know that their marriage does not mean FH and I will fail, it's not a model we will follow and I know that our relationship is much healthier than theirs ever was, and yet, I've started to wonder, "But how do I know it will work out?... I want a guarantee!"

Is it even possible to know with absolute certainty that you won't end up divorced? Currently, I don't believe it is, and I'm nearly at terms with that. I am confident FH and I intimately know, understand, and love each other, I know we can communicate and have a solid foundation for a healthy, long-term relationship, but I don't know what the future holds and if experiences, even shared ones, might affect us in ways that lead us to grow apart. It scares me. "Yes I'll marry you, I love you madly and can't see myself with anyone else but I think there's a chance we'll end up divorced." What the hell?! Man I sound like a downer! I'm a skeptic idealist and they're constantly warring in my head. What do you girls all think?

Nessa, Ariana, Ryanne- You have no idea how comforting it is to know I'm not alone in having an ungodly large chest. I'm way to shy to post my size, in fact, I always played ignorant and didn't pay attention until about 6 months ago until I went bra shopping and forced myself to figure it out exactly. FH has always been totally accepting of my body and it's helped my self-image a great deal.

Carrot- Thank you for those kind words. I'll be the first to admit long distance sucks, but I am so grateful FH and I are in the same country, same time zone, on the same side of an ocean, and that he's not a soldier. I have the utmost respect for the spouses of the military serving overseas, especially before the internet and phone calls! I won't even try to hold a candle to them, I'll just offer up my admiration, lol.

Wilson- Hi and welcome! The boards are a fun place to learn and hang out!

Ryanne- Since FH wants to teach English abroad, the past two summers in Japan have been great experience. This summer it will actually count as his practicum towards the TEFL certificate, so it is necessary. I haven't felt anxious about him leaving since I posted last and I'm very glad. My head knows what's best and how I should act, but sometimes those darn emotions get in the way!

Ariana- We don't use the term "pocketbook" in WI but I've read it quite often. Can you describe what one looks like?

BlackDiamond- What style of dress are you looking for? Maybe we can offer suggestions! We love to help and talk about weddings, hehe.

Autumn (again, to respond to your later post)- Happy that your offer got accepted! However, that's interesting about the landlord offering a different apartment. Definitely check it out in person if possible, or by scrutinizing detailed pictures, before you sign a lease. Maybe it'll turn out to be even better than the place you originally wanted? Here's hoping!





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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 10:21 AM Go to message in response to: Rose217

Nessa - FH and I are paying for a portion of the wedding ... FILs and my parents are both helping us out because we are going to be building our house at the same time so they do have a say in the guest list. FH and I are the only ones that have seen the reception hall we are interested in .. FIL and parents are going to look at it as soon as FILs book FHs grad party. Here are pics of the place we want to have it at.


this is the outside ... it is on an island so this is what it looks like when you come over the bridge.

this is the outside lighthouse and the view from the room

this is the aerial view of the island. the reception is a hotel which is to the left of the bridge. the place that we are also going to look at is to the right.

The ballroom with all the windows looking towards the ocean and the bridge in the earlier picture. it also has a wrap around balcony that I can't find a picture of.

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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 10:33 AM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228


This is a picture of the place we are going to look at. It will be in this room, but not set up this way.






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Ariana1228 Posts : 281 Registered: 3/2/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 10:40 AM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

ok so the problem with the second one is that I think that it is going to be a LOT more money than the 1st one. I am pretty sure that I had called on it last summer and they have get this ... a $35,000 MINIMUM .... that is WAAAAAAAAAY too much!! and like I said they are both on the same island so the view is pretty much the same. I mean we are going to check it out anyways because I am not positive that they were the ones that had that minimum but we do not want to spend that much. So what do you guys think??


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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 12:57 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana1228

Ariana~ Wow both those sites look amazing!! But I would not do the second one if it is really that much!! I think i personaly like the look of it better tho. But thats just me. I was so shocked to find my site. I was just playing around on a local website that has listings for wedding sites and services, at the time I was wanting to do it in the botanic gardens, or find a state park with a nice flower garden. But then I cam accross this site, and saw the price and decided I had to at least go look at it. So I told my parents about it so they came to visit and we went up there, and my father is is usally very hyper, and hates anything he has to spend money on just absolutly calmed down while we were there and compleatly loed the place, and wouldn't let us leave until we had our date set there. So our site is $1800 and we get the whole place to ourselves for 8 hours! Granted we have to use their catteror, and thats pretty pricey.....I was laughing earlier when you said pocketbook. I can tell your from the East coast. My dad is from the east coast and says pocketbook instead of purse.

Rose~ I know exactly how you feel about the whole I love you more than anything, and I don't want to be with out you, but divorce is possble thing. My parents have a terrible relationship, and I am so afraid thats gonna happen to me. But I have to remind myself, I am not my parents, and I know what a healthy relationship is, and FH and I love and respect eachother. But it still nags at me in the back of my mind that it could happen, but I keep it in the back of my mind.

Oh girls I am so excited. I was looking for gifts for my BMs last night, and I found a photo album that I really liked it was silver plated and said friends for ever, and you could have the recipents name engraved in it. But one of my BMs is my sister, and her and I haven't ever really been that close so I thought it would be a little awkward to get her that, so I did a google search for sisters photo albums. I found a site that makes photo albums and frames. They are sooo cool, the look like pages out of a scrapbook! So I got all 3 girls something diffrent. I am a little bummed though because I saw something last night about them being on sale, (they were $5.75) but I didn't look at it that much, I was so excited to find something so perfect for such a great price, so today I went back to the site, and they're so cheap because they are being discontinued :( If you girls want go look at the site its customdesignsonline.com The stuff is really cool!!

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theblackdiamond... Posts : 18 Registered: 11/8/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 1:11 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

NessaRae - how did the hair trial go? It is exciting about your shower! Your sister sounds like a sweetheart, and the flower gifts are just too cute!

ETA -- the gifts for your bridesmaids sound adorable!!! I'm definitely going to go to that site, the price seems too good to be true!

Ryanne - i'm from Columbia, well, i'm actually from southern MO originally, but i'm going to school here. How do you like the Stl area?

Rose - I know where you're coming from. Being a young bride... people doubt you, and coming from divorced parents as well, sometimes it's hard to believe that forever is really FOREVER. It's totally natural to be a skeptic/doubtful, because the world out there is crazy. I just think that you're posting on this brides board, you know you FH and you know you. It's healthy to question things, but what's fabulous is knowing that you can prove them wrong in your marriage. : )

Ariana - both locations look absolutely GORGEOUS! However, if you can, why not save the money? Looking at the two of them, i wouldn't have been able to guess which one was way more expensive, since they're both beautiful. Plus, it would be horrible to pay much more for the 2nd location and find out you could have fit in the first! Good luck either way though, your wedding will be beautiful in either place I am sure!!

...

Rose asked about my dress... the thing is, i just don't know what exactly i want. I know I don't want anything really poofy or big. I'm a fairly petite girl and I don't want to be overwhelmed by my dress. I like simple, clean lines and pretty fabric. I don't know, I just keep looking at all of these wedding dresses and it's making me a bit dizzy, haha. I like beachy/bohemian/hippie type of looks, straight down... but... they get you in those dress stores and you're wearing these crazy beautiful gowns and it feels right, but I don't always feel like ME in them.

You know it's bad when you're feeling envious of your bridesmaid dresses as you search for them.

I've thought about wearing a short dress, but I feel like I would regret that.. there is an emotional tie to the long flowy thing.

I just don't really know where to start!!



------- 

On June 5th, 2010 I will become Mrs. Ashlyn Brewer!



Edited by: theblackdiamondbride on Apr 24, 2009 1:12 PM

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NessaRae615 Posts : 675 Registered: 9/23/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 1:51 PM Go to message in response to: theblackdiamond...

Black~ The hair trial is tonight, I will post pics when I get home tomarrow. I am so excited, the lady that I used to go to for my hair is doing it for me, her and my sister are really good friends and my mom made the comment to my sister that I wish I could have Lacy do my hair, and next thing I know I get a text message from my sister asking if I had anyone to do my hair and I said no she said great I will get Lacey to do it! I scream litteraly!! The only bad thing is she is in my home town (hence I don't have her doing my hair anymore) So I have to drive the 2.5 hours or so tonight to get there. But my sister mentioned something about going out for margeritas after, so I am good! Have you looked at destination wedding dresses? Maggie Sottero has some beautiful ones. What abour something like this?

Front View of the SD5211 Bridal GownBack View of the SD5211 Bridal Gown

or this is a cute short one with a bridal feel

Front View of the JD8101 Bridal GownBack View of the JD8101 Bridal Gown

Ok those are the best 2 I could find quickly at work with out getting caught. But go to the Maggie site and look at the destinations collection, or any other designer. Alfred Angelo has some good ones I think, and Davids Bridal, if you want to deal witht hem and get something on a cheaper scale. I like Maggies because they are nice, and fairly inexpensive (plus I am a little biased because my dress is a Maggie...)


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JewelOfTheSea Posts : 32 Registered: 12/22/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 6:30 PM Go to message in response to: NessaRae615

Hi! I'm new here :D I'm 18 and I'm getting married in San Antonio TX on November 11th 2009. I am trying to figure out where to start really on all of this wedding planning stuff. It's pretty tough and I'm feeling rather discombobulated! Any advice?

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facen Posts : 120 Registered: 11/8/08
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 24, 2009 9:16 PM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Well Jewel, you can either get a wedding planner and relaxe or do it yourself and stress all the way! But seriously, some people can plan their own wedding and do perfectly fine, and there's people who cant do it due to stress, rejection and a list of things, so choose your pick and then you'll know wether or not you'll stress. Happy Planning:)

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thecarrotflower Posts : 34 Registered: 9/8/07
Re: A Friendly Forum for Young Brides.
Posted: Apr 25, 2009 5:11 AM Go to message in response to: JewelOfTheSea

Hello and welcome Jewel and Facen.
Jewel- Congratulations on the engagement! That is really exciting. Although in many cases a wedding planner can be nice, like facen said, it isn't at all necessary. As long as you have some help from friends and family it is fairly easy and low stress. I have been planning mine on my own since December and things have fallen into place quite well. To tell you the truth depending on what type of person you are having a wedding planner could be as stressful as not having one. If you are a pretty relaxed person you will be relax weather or not you have a wedding planner. Facen I hate to dissagree with you on this one but wedding planners are in to way necessary in having a low stress wedding. Jewel my advice would be to start with the big things first, pick a theme, find the venue, find a caterer (if you choose to have one), decide on BM's and MOH. From there figure out things like invitations and guestlist, and eventually work on decor. Odviously getting your dress is a big thing and I would suggest getting it before choosing decor, that way you can make sure that the decor fit with your dress.

Rose- I have picked bridesmaids dresses. I would have loved to have something plaid but, with my bridesmaids being so different in height weight etc. I eventually had to settle on one that they both felt good and something that wasn't exactly what I had in mind. But, the dress I am going to be leaving the reception in is plaid! I am not sure what you are supposed to call that dress though.
About your dad and step mom. I would say that if you are asking her to do photos it would be nice to brainstorm with her some ideas you would like to see as photo's and also perhaps you could ask to see the ones she has already done to get inspiration for photos she could do with you. It is a great way to bond and get to know your new step-mom. About your father wanting to do the ceremony I have no clue what to do. Maybe tell him you already have arrangements...or the truth that it would just be uncomfortable for you if he did it, your wedding is about you and he should be able to realize that.

Autum- that is weird about the house thing. I would definantly make sure the landlord knows which one you are putting the money towards. That is all around a weird scenario with him. Ben going down in person and figuring things out with the landlord is probably the best idea.

ryanne- Making up a budget is a great idea. Ben and I have been working on one the last few days kicking around different ideas as to where our money should go and how much we spend now and how we can save on the things we are buying now. It can be slightly stressful talking about money but, it is a really good thing to do now before you are in big trouble this way you can save things from happening and causing more stress in the long run.

Rose- I totally know what you mean. I couldn't deal with sending my Husband out to work not sure if he will return safe or even alive. Ben's dad is an officer and I know it isn't the same...there is no distance but the fact that he could get hurt, I couldn't deal with that. Wives of men fighting in the war are not only tough because they are able to deal with the distance, they are tough because they are never sure weather or not there husband is going to be coming home alive. Just the distance would kill me not the mention the constant worrying for their husbands lives.
About the divorce thing, I just wanted to let you know in the last ten years the divorce rate went from being I think 49-51% to being (I think it was a 2008 study) 39% that is a huge drop. If things between you and FH are strong now and you invest in the relationship mutually I am sure that there is not much to worry about. And if things do get stressful between the both of you as much as it may seem like something only couples in real trouble do going to counseling is good. Ben and I are doing pre-marital counseling starting in may and I am so excited!

Ariana- both venues are so pretty, but if the one is more withing your budget that is the one I would do. I would just say that if there are people invited to your wedding who don't need to be there then cut them. When I was making the guest list things got a little out of hand and my mom said, "you don't have to invite everyones child, if the parent is the friend there kids don't need to be there, they get bored anyway!" There are always people you don't need to invite, it is just a matter of finding them.

Nessa- Yay! I hope the trial goes well! Have fun with your sister! I am excited to see photos.

Oh about me. Well not much new going on. I am starting to clean my room out and get things packed to go to Ben's obviously not to much clothing seeing as I still have like 3 months... but trinkets and stuff I don't really need right daily, like files, baby albums, my CD player. It isn't as though I am here that often anyway, I am always at Ben's. You guys I am totally excited about finally moving in to Ben's place and living with the love of my life! I am so glad we are waiting till marriage but it is something I am really looking forward to and anticipating with batted breath!

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