I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!

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Jeanne123 Posts : 5 Registered: 8/5/08
Re: I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 7:29 PM Go to message in response to: Jeanne123

I appreciate all of the feedback from everyone.  Some really good advice so I thank all of you.  My boyfriend wants to give this a few days to figure out what to do.  I really like the idea of just having a long engagement. Perhaps he will go back to my parents and try for a compromise in that way.  We'll have to see...

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mavjen Posts : 78 Registered: 10/21/07
Re: I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 11:13 PM Go to message in response to: Jeanne123

Hi Jeanne--My best advice is to be patient and give your parents time to get to know your boyfriend and to see how well he treats you.  Believe me, I have been there.  Growing up, my parents only wanted me to marry a Korean guy partly due to the fact that they believed Koreans don't divorce.  Or, at least the Koreans they knew.  So, your parents may be put off by the fact that your boyfriend's parents are divorced.  But you and your boyfriend should show them that they are wrong in their beliefs about divorce potentially running in the family.

I would have a heart-to-heart conversation with your parents and find out exactly why they think he's not good enough for you.  If there is something that can be done within your and your boyfriend's control, then try to remedy that.  But if your parents don't have a reasonable explanation, then just have your boyfriend show them how well he treats you.  They can't argue about how much he loves you and how much he shows it to you and ultimately, to them.

If your parents were like my parents where they left Korea soon after I was born, they remember Korea and Koreans when they left and think that's how Koreans still live their lives.  It's hard for them to realize that Korea, like the rest of the world, has changed since then and divorce is more common among Koreans, even in Korea.

Don't give up hope.  My parents eventually came around and they both absolutely and sincerely love my fiancee now, who is non-Korean.  They had their initial doubts but over time, they grew to love him and are now so proud to call him their son to everyone they know.

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Charlotte09 Posts : 1,021 Registered: 2/22/08
Re: I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 12:52 AM Go to message in response to: Jeanne123

Jeanne, it sounds like you and your boyfriend are in a great spot in life to get married. I am 21 and getting married and of corse my grandparents want me to wait. However, I know that if I was 28 they would want me to wait as well. There are just some family members that are never ready to see you settle down or cannot picture you grown up. Or family members who will never find anyone "good enough" for you.

I think you have to ask yourself if it is more important to you to have your parents moral blessing or to be married to your boyfriend. I am sorry that things cannot work out more pefectly for you right now that is for sure. I think your family might warm up to the idea as soon as they realize you are going to do what you want to do and can do it without their help. Good luck!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: Charlotte09

Honestly, this is one of the reasons why I don't like the idea of a man asking a woman's parents for their blessing or permission to marry their daughter. What on earth do you do if they say no? I know it's a cultural thing in this case, but honestly, I don't like the whole tradition for many reasons.

I agree with some of the PPs. I'd give it a few months, settle into your new job, and then talk about it again. If your parents still refuse at that point, I'd honestly go on without their blessing. Personally, I can see waiting a few months - or even a year - given that your parents have expressed legitmate concerns over your transition to the new job...but I wouldn't be willing to wait forever. After a while, I'd start to feel like they were manipulating me by withholding their blessing, and I'd decide I didn't need it. (But that's me - this all depends on how YOU and your BF feel. How important is their blessing? And if they withold their blessing and you get married anyway, do they mean that they'll never speak to you again?)


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Necolei Posts : 207 Registered: 7/31/06
Re: I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!
Posted: Aug 19, 2008 12:31 PM Go to message in response to: Jeanne123

Well good luck and I hope you will let us all know how things went.

SmileDon't settle with what you can live with,

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TexasSweetAngel Posts : 34 Registered: 1/16/08
Re: I'm 28 and my parents want me to wait?!?!
Posted: Aug 24, 2008 11:20 PM Go to message in response to: Necolei

ive been with my sweethear for a long time and where thinkin bout gettin married but his mom doesnt approve it. shes mean shes rude, she doesnt like me. so u know what? im just gonna ignore her. my sweetheart can do what ever he wants to to. hes older than me. not a child anymore. good luck to all waitin to get married. ive been down that road before.

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