What do I, the guest, expect?

Online Users: 0 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 158


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:01 AM Go to message in response to: MichelleandRob

Dear Michelle,

"We are serving dinner after the cocktail hour. Basically the hour is used for the wedding party to take their pictures while we can still get everyone together and there will be about 1 hour of sunshine lift between the end of the ceremony and the start of dinner (hence the cocktail hour). "

Excellent plan. You get your photos and the guests have a comfortable place to relax while they wait, complete with food and light refreshments. Very good.

"But we don't want to shut those that do drink out by not having it there for their enjoyment but at there cost."

I feel exactly the same way. I don't drink alcohol, either, but will provide it for those who so choose.

So... hmmm.... what to do? I still lean in favor of somehow indicating a no-host bar on your invitations because there are those who might be ticked off if they want a drink, but didn't know to bring cash. On the other hand, if you believe the numbers there who actually will want a drink can be identified beforehand and personally informed, that might be the best course of action.

Of course, if the alcohol-drinkers in the bunch know that you and FH are both abstainers, then they may just come to the wedding expecting it to be alcohol-free. So, it might not be that big a deal, after all.

I think you are on solid ground either way. Under the conditions you outlined, I'd say you're on solid ground to go totally alcohol-free, should you be so inclined.

"I would be held just as liable as the driver because I served the alcohol"

True. That's one of the reasons people have wedding receptions at commercial establishments where it's their bartenders and their liquor license at stake. Besides, it's more diplomatic for the hotel bartender to say "Dude, you've had enough." than for you to say it to someone with whom you have a personal friendship.

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Little is known but where I live, if I were to have an open bar and someone left drunk and got into a car accident and hurt someone or killed someone... I would be held just as liable as the driver because I served the alcohol...

Generally, the venue or caterer will be held responsible, not the host of the party. Most venues and caterers have insurance for that reason, and are very careful to cut guests off at the appropriate point, call them cabs if they cannot drive, and/or call the police if the guest insists on driving. The venue will do this, as it's THEIR ASS if they served someone too much and that person gets in an accident.

If the wedding is at your house and you are serving the alcohol yourself, then yes, you are responsible and should assess your insurance needs. If a caterer is serving the alcohol at your home, then they are responsible. You should ask to see their insurance to make sure they have enough.

I hear you, though - even if you're not responsible, a guest killing someone on the way home from your wedding would be terrible. We did serve alcohol (honestly, it wouldn't be a celebration to me without champagne!), but we provided a shuttle for the guests for that reason. The venue also had mandatory valet parking and would not return the keys of anyone who was intoxicated, so I wasn't too worried about it. There are plenty of cabs in the area!


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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MichelleandRob Posts : 194 Registered: 5/12/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 1:57 PM Go to message in response to: ArtBride

AOTB and Artbride:

I checked out a venue that didn't have a liquor license and we had to furnish the alcohol... needless to say, I am not having my wedding there.

Thank you both for you input, it helps a lot to cement what I am already thinking in my brain. Cool


wedding ticker

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CyclistLover Posts : 1,183 Registered: 7/9/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: B2B999

"I am a younger individual but let me say I am a bit annoyed that no one uses my title when addressing things to me. I worked hard for that title, they all are aware that I have the title, things addressed to me should utilize it"

If I was your friend and you told me this I would purposely NEVER address anything with your title.  So since I'm married so everyone should ALWAYS call me Mrs. Married Name??  After all I worked hard to find my wonderful husband.  Many years of dating the "wrong one" - bad dates, ugly ties, stupids movies. 

But seriously - congrats on your accomplishment - but get over the title deal.


Happiness is a puppy greeting you at the door!

I hope you don't get hit by a city bus Cool

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 18, 2008 4:22 PM Go to message in response to: MichelleandRob

Dear Michelle,

"Thank you both for you input, it helps a lot to cement what I am already thinking in my brain."

Sounds like your planning is right on track. Go for it.

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 12:47 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

My FH and I intend to machine address all of our envelopes.  Why?  Because the etiquette books do tell us that we can...provided we use the same font as the invitation, and provided we do all of them that way.   You can't just hand address certain ones and machine address others. 

Neither of us have neat handwriting.  Careful addressing isn't going to solve that.  We'd much rather our guests receive the invitations than have them be sent to the undeliverable bin because our 7 and our 1s are not distinguishable.

I do understand and respect that hand addressed is the most common; however, the books also do allow for printed envelopes, under certain strictures.

(And even though my writing is bad, the thank yous will be hand written...though the envelopes might have pre-printed lables on them)

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CatStandish Posts : 2,766 Registered: 6/20/08
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 12:53 PM Go to message in response to: CyclistLover

"But seriously - congrats on your accomplishment - but get over the title deal."

Not to be mean... but why should she?  On formal invitations, titles are to be used.  And wedding invitations are formal.  A man would not be asked to get over the title.  So why should a woman?  She is right...she worked hard to earn it, and it is not like she's asking everyone to call her "Dr. Marsha", she's just asking that on occasions where formal addresses are used, the correct one be applied.

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Aug 20, 2008 1:01 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Dear Cat,

You can certainly do what you like.

I will explain the rationale behind the "rule" that wedding invitations be hand-addressed. The idea is that personal correspondence is hand-addressed, and business correspondence is machine-printed. When machine-printed personal correspondence is sent out, you risk the unopened envelope getting tossed into the "to be shredded" junk mail pile. (Yes, I've done that. Shredded a wedding invitation envelope, thinking it contained yet another time share brochure.)

There are plenty of people with yukky handwriting; I count myself as one of them. My own handwriting has degenerated to a scribbly scrawl after years of keyboarding.

The standard advice is to (1) print carefully or (2) do a favor for a friend with nice handwriting, then ask that person to help you in this chore.

Machine-printed invitations are not a horrible Etiquette Felony. It's just a nice touch to treat wedding invitations like any other personal correspondence. It creates a good first impression. Just like having everything spelled right, on the invitation itself, all enclosures, etc.

It would be a major Etiquette Felony to send pre-printed thank you notes. You've got that right. Do them as the gifts arrive, that way you won't have a giant pile waiting for you after your honeymoon. It's easier on the writer's cramp, as well, to do just three or four at a time.

(Remember, by "pre-printed thank you notes", I'm talking about notes where the actual body of the correspondence is machine printed. It's common, and OK, to have some kind of printed graphic on the outside of the card, or along the borders.)

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B2B999 Posts : 700 Registered: 12/7/07
Re: What do I, the guest, expect?
Posted: Apr 17, 2009 7:37 PM Go to message in response to: CatStandish

Thank you Cat - and that is precisely what I was saying. Not that people should refer to me as Esq. (which is the title to which I was referring) on an everyday basis but that when addressing invitations to Me it is appreciated that it be used.

In the event I had a friend that did not wish to address an invitation to me utilizing my title because they feel that I'm "putting on airs" or "should get over it" perhaps I would not feel in any way obligated to attend their event. My core problem with it is that many of the people that have known me since before I became Esq. will not put it on, AOTB gave me a wonderful suggestion of how to take care of the problem, and it is appreciated.
When is my wedding

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