Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 4, 2008 9:48 PM

So Dh and I were invited to his friend's house, I'll call him Jeff, for a cook out.  Now Jeff and his wife are great people, DH has known  Jeff since they were kids. The bad thing is they always ask us if we are pregnant and when will we "finally" have kids.  Dh and I have been married for a little over a year, we are 26, we have plenty of time.  They've even called us about it.  Well, we arrive and pretty much before we can get a foot in the door, they asked.  We said our same line "When Dh gets done with Pathologist assistant school, and I get done with my masters, we'll consider it."  Well they then go into the long lecture, with now Jeff, his wife, brother, friend, and his parents, about the "joys of parenthood".  Jeff, his brother, and friend all have kids under the age of 2.   After about 5 minutes, Dh and I tell them we will think about it in a few years and will certainly let them know if we do have kids.  We then left the party because DH has to get to work.  Jeff stops us at our car and kept pushing the issue.  Before I knew it Dh and Jeff were flat our arguing about it.  We only get stuff like this from his friends, not our families.  I am really tired of it.  

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kelleyiskelley Posts : 11,590 Registered: 7/2/06
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 10:12 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

Wow, that is SUPER annoying. What is up with these people? What is their problem? If they are so damn happy with their own children and its such a great damn JOY; why do they spend all their time pestering YOU about having babies? I swear some people just want EVERYONE ELSE to be in the same rut THEY are in; because misery loves company. (obvoiusly Im not saying all parents are miserable.. but maybe THESE parents are. Otherwise they would shut the hell up about it.) We are much older than you; Im 36 and DH is 42..and we STILL dont know if kids are in our future or not. We get the questions from people too; and its severely irritating. Most people just ask once though. Not over and over and over like these idiots are doing to you lol. I dont blame DH for getting mad.. I would too. Id tell these people to please STOP with the interrogation. It is YOUR decision IF and WHEN you decide to have a family. Why do people care so much about when other people conceive? Amazing. Just live your damn life and leave us alone lol.

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 10:23 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

It's time for your hubby to lay the law... "NAME - Wife and I do not want children at this time.  Please do not try to pressure us on this subject, as it makes us uncomfrotable to visit with you.  We agree that children can add great joy to your life when a couple is ready, but Wife and I aren't ready right now.  God will let us know when our time is right.  Please don't bring this subject up anymore."
Love2uKiss

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08divabride Posts : 831 Registered: 11/17/07
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 10:42 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

I have a friend like that and she has three kids!  So she wants everybody to hurry up and have kids so she won't be the only one.  Like Kelley said, misery loves company, so do what I did and tell them to leave you and your husband alone, you will have kids when you get good and damn ready!

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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 11:03 AM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

i just know soon after the wedding, FMIL is going to start asking us about kids. Her older son has 2, one of which just turned a year old, and yesturday was the first time she got to see them, as her blew off all the other times they arranged to meet up (we were starting to have our doubts as to whether or not his kids were real, lol). But yeah, she wants grandkids real bad and before we got engaged used to always mention it - FH would be like 'you really want grandkids, right now?' and make some off comment about us going to bedroom and that usually got her to be like 'well, no... wait til you're married of course!' LOL...

we're planning on at least a year or so after the wedding - FH's finishing school this fall and hoping to be promoted to fulltime supervisor after the 1st of the year - he said once he gets promoted and income is steady then we'll consider getting a house and maybe having kids. 


 

 

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kroberts Posts : 443 Registered: 7/30/07
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 11:16 AM Go to message in response to: 08divabride

Don't get me wrong, I like babies, but only because I can hand them back to their mothers when they start to cry. DH and I haven't been married for 2 weeks and we get the, "When are you 2 planning on kids?" I hoped the question was related to the fact my friend that has been married for almost 10 months just gave brith to their first child. (Yup, pregnant a week after the honeymoon). Now that I hear your story, I think it's a glimpse of what's to come.

I can't believe someone (a friend) would start to argue! You should change your standard answer to something a bit more inappropriate. "When are you 2 having kids?" "Oh, I don't know. As soon as your husband realizes his mistake and leaves you for me." Then start to laugh. (Or something along those lines) I have another suggestion, but it's really bad... Either way, it would end the conversation quickly.


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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

That was totally uncalled for.  In the future tell them all this, "We don't like the snot-nosed buggers if we did we would have had a passel by now."   I used to tell people that all the time.  I have  kids and except for mine I truly do not like them and try to avoid them at all costs.  I don't have birthday parties or attend them.  I don't do anything where I am required to deal with them.  This has been my thing my entire life. 

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.

 

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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 5, 2008 3:03 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

In what world is that ANY of their business?!?!  You have EVERY right to vent and I hope that they see they may have or will irreparably damage this friendship.  What idiots.

I figure I'll be getting this AT our wedding.  I'm 33 years old (ancient right?  LOL) and I have family members that will point this out.  And I know that I'm going to make some smart ass comment back, but you know what - they don't have any right either. 

My brother teases me and FH about kids, but he's teasing so it's not anything to take offense over.  (My brother is the last person to pressure anyone into anything.)  So that's fine, but anyone else can kiss my butt. 


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Retired Posts : 808 Registered: 4/17/06
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 6, 2008 12:28 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

Yeah, I'm getting that from people already, and haven't even gotten married yet.

Thing is, I'm 20. No. I'm not having kids any time soon, if EVER. I even had our officiant take out EVERY SINGLE REFERENCE to parenthood/children in our ceremony. "The hands that will cradle your greatest expectations/that will hold your newborn with such love and gentleness." GONE. Nix it. I don't want it even hinted at.

If they bring it up again, it's time to just lay it out. Tell them you honestly don't even enjoy visiting them anymore because you dread the onslaught of children lectures. You have to be clear with pushy people, and sometimes you might have to come across as rude or mean. But it's the only way to get the message across. You'll have children when you're damn well ready for it, and that time isn't now and no amount of their badgering will change that. They're doing nothing but drive a stake into your relationship with them and they need to be informed of that.


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TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 6, 2008 11:39 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

ya know, everytime they ask you guys, you should just be like "well if it's such a joy, when are you guys having another kid?" and try focusing the attention back on them.

 

 

countdown to your wedding

*September 13, 2008 *

 

 

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futuremrsperry Posts : 1,904 Registered: 4/23/06
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 6, 2008 2:41 PM Go to message in response to: TheNewMrsJ

They are expecting their 2nd.

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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 7, 2008 10:27 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

We haven't gotten that -- YET -- but I've always thought it was an inappropriate question.  What if a couple can't have kids?  What if they've been trying for awhile and it's been difficult?  There are so many reasons why this shouldn't be OK to ask, IMO.

As for me, my boss got the idea when he interviewed me that I was a single parent.  Not true.  I used to get questions all the time about how my daughter is doing.

Ugh.

-Ness


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newsjunkie Posts : 3,417 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 16, 2008 12:36 AM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

I admit it- I am one of the people who ask the "kids" question!  Futuremrsperry, your DH's friends are ridiculously pushy and incredibly rude and that is NOT cool.  However, I do want to defend those of us who ask "the question" just to explain a bit and maybe it won't drive people crazy so much!

First off, I don't have kids.  Actually, I can't have kids as I had a hysterectomy.  I do want them... in several years.  Everyone knows my situation so NOBODY asks me even though it wouldn't bother me at all.  However, I do ask people this question.  Why?  Well, lots of reasons.  First of all, when you know someone who is engaged or recently married you know that it is a new thing to them and that they are taking a different direction than the road they were on before.  Let's face it: most people end up having a kid or two (or more) but not everyone does so I think people are just curious as to what you want out of life.  Just like how in high school people ask  you where you want to go to college, and how in college they ask you what you want to major in, and how when you graduate they ask you what you want to do for a living- asking you if and when you want kids is simply the next question that will be asked of you.  No, nobody should be asking it to the extent that the OP's friends did- that is ridiculous.  But for someone to just ask once is actually an indication that they care enough about you to want to know what you want out of your life.  And since I have already said that I ask this question and I do not have kids I don't think that the majority of people who ask just want you to have kids so that you can be as miserable as they- I think that most of them are just curious about what path your life's journey will take.

So, if you can, go easy on them.  :)

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CenturyGuy Posts : 16 Registered: 7/16/08
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Jul 16, 2008 2:46 PM Go to message in response to: newsjunkie

Yes, this is a question that we all face I think.  And oddly enough, it doesn't stop even when you DO have a child!  Then they want to know "when is your next one coming!?"

My wife and I have adopted one.  We get asked often now "When are you going to adopt again?"  My standard response, said as nicely as possible is:  "Right now we're not ready for another.  If we decide to adopt again, I'll let you know." 

Admittedly, it gets tiring, but hang in there.


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SapphireLauren Posts : 7 Registered: 7/28/08
Re: Tired of the "kids" question!! (vent)
Posted: Aug 8, 2008 2:08 PM Go to message in response to: futuremrsperry

Oh my gosh, what kind of a person takes such a personal question to such an extreme?  And why would they use the word "finally?"  You've got plenty of time to decide when--and if--you want kids.
I feel your pain: I'm 22, not even married yet, and my FMIL has already mentioned kids.  To do her credit, though, she did add, "Not anytime soon, though, no pressure!" and my FH and I didn't have the heart to tell her that we're pretty sure we don't want any.
My advice to you is, next time your so-called "friends" start in on the kids subject, gasp and start (fake) crying.  If you can't force tears, just hide your face and sob.  Have your DH say something along the lines of, "Thanks a lot, that's a really sensitive subject!" and both of you walk out.  Unless they're truly horrible, unfeeling people, they won't bring it up again.
Yes, it's a bit extreme, but you've tried a reasonable answer, and that didn't work; it sounds like arguing with these people doesn't work, and probably telling them off will only result in an argument.  If you and your DH want to remain friends with them, such drastic (and often funny) measures may be the only way to make them shut up.

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