DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?

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pissed08 Posts : 1 Registered: 6/10/08
DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 8:14 PM

A little background...  I am 28 years old and I am getting married at the end of August.  My dad and I have always been close.  He paid for my entire college education (which took 7 years and ended with a degree from an out of state college which was Cal State University Long Beach).  After I finished colleged my parents got a divorce.  I went to work for my dad and moved in with my mom who I am currently living with.  I have a great job, some might even say I have a really easy job to make over 40k a year with little work and have accumulated over 30k in my 401k.  3 months ago my dad remarried to a woman who is only 4 years older than me.  I have never met this woman and don't plan to.  I was invited to his wedding but did not attend.  My dad has givien me 27k for my wedding but here is my problem...   I have never met his new wife and blame her for breaking up my parents marriage.  I do not want to invite her to anything having to do with my wedding.  How do I tell my dad I love him and want him there but NOT his new wife?  Need Advice! 

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 8:22 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

You do not have to invite your Dad's new wife, but it would be rude not to.  No one says you have to like her, but she is your father's wife and he has paid big bucks for you to respect him enough to acknowledge his wife.

 


Love2uKiss

Message was edited by: Love2u

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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 8:30 PM Go to message in response to: Love2u

I agree with Love2u 120%. and second everythig she said. Also you can not hold her accountable for your parents split it takes two to tango.

 Lets not all get caught up in our wedding. Remember we should not only be planning for a our wedding but more so we should be planning for  our marriage. More so then fighting over shades of peach, tuxs, cake flavors and only god knows what else. Because the next morning it is over, guests are gone the flowers have died the cake well lets face it 1/2 of it was tossed out. Cinderella is still a maid, the limo is now a pumpkin And there is life to face ok after wild crazy monkey sex for 7 nights straight, lets not kid out selfs there are priorities After its all gone there's still bills to pay and a job to go back to

Going to the Chapel December 6th 2008

Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 8:36 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

true love is unconditional.  forgive your dad and his young wife and let the past rest.

 

you never have to be best friends with his wife, you don't even have to like her.  your dad obviously loves you and to be civil to his wife would not kill you and it won't make you any less loyal to your mother.

 

 

give yourself time.  it has only been three months.

 

 

this is my opinion.  only you can decide what is best for you.

 

 

i wish you peace concerning all of this Smile



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PharmToxGirl Posts : 5,446 Registered: 8/30/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 8:48 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

They are married.  He contributed.  You didn't tell him you were taking the money contingent on her not being there.

You have to invite her.   


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Guest
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:01 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

DON'T HATE THE MESSENGER !!!!!!!!

Let me see if I have this correct...Your father paid for your (7 year) college educaton, hired you when you graduated ( for $40,000 plus) and has funded your 401K for over $30,000. He has given you $27,000 for your wedding and you have lived at home with your mother since you graduated. A year and a half after your father and mother divorced your father finds someone whom makes him happy and re-marries. He invited you to the wedding but you refused to attend.

GROW UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop letting your MOTHER RUN YOUR LIFE.

If you want to stand by your beliefs then quit your job and find a real one. Give your Dad back the $27,000. Get your MOM to pay for the wedding and DON'T INSULT YOUR DAD BY INVITING HIM AT ALL.

Sounds like your dad loves and cares for you greatly. You sound like he divorced you.

My parents divorced years ago and I only wish my father would have done half the things he has done for you.

At the very least he has BOUGHT AND PAID FOR  enough respect to be invited ( with his new wife) to your wedding. If not give him his money back.......

Sorry for the straight talk, but at age 28 time you hear some....

 

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SocalGal Posts : 456 Registered: 6/3/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:03 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

I agree with all the PP...you really should invite her.  It won't kill you, and it won't ruin your wedding either.

If, however, you are dead set against taking the high road and inviting her, the only way to tell your father is to let him know that you are going to decline his contribution to the wedding, pay for it yourself, and invite only who you want.

Bottom line: you love your father, and he loves you.  Is it really worth jeopardizing that relationship over one day?  Personally, I think not.

 


True love never has a happy ending; true love never ends.

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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:28 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I have to agree with wrroto. My parents divorced 17 years ago. I dont like what my dad did to my mom but I cannot hold it against him as that was between my parents.

My dad got remarried 4 years ago to someone he had been with for 10 years. Not only did I attend the wedding, I was the maid of honor. My step mom is obviously not my mom, but she's been awesome. She's even doing our wedding invites, menu, place cards and all that stuff as her gift to us.

Your dad obviously cares for you otherwise he wouldnt be doing all that stuff for you and your stepmom obviously cares enough about you to let him do all that stuff.

You need to grow up and graciously invite her to your wedding. I highly doubt your dad will be ok with you not inviting her....so unless you want to pay for that wedding yourself...invite her.

I dont mean to be harsh but I think you're being bratty.


Formerly San Ramon Bride

The Big Day: 9/20/08

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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:31 PM Go to message in response to: BenjaminsWife

Put on the big girl pants and invite her.

-Ness


 

Check out my work bridal blog: http://vclarke.encblogs.com.  I also need to come up with a name for it!  Who wants to help? 

Oh baby don't it feel like Heaven right now? Don't it feel like something from a dream? - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 9:40 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

Dear P08,

Husbands and wives are invited as a couple to events such as weddings. It would be an unforgivable lapse to invite your father but exclude his wife.

If I were a father in that situation, and if my daughter did that to me, I would boot her spoiled butt out on the street so fast it would make her head spin.

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Chad Posts : 637 Registered: 10/3/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 10:06 PM Go to message in response to: pissed08

They're a single social unit.  Yes, you must invite her.  If the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be hellaciously pissed that someone thought they could not invite you.  Invite her.  

Chad ~ 11.19.05

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Lorilee Posts : 437 Registered: 12/18/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 10, 2008 10:09 PM Go to message in response to: Chad

Ditto to everything that was said here. To not invite her would be incredibly rude.

Lori & Bob
October 11, 2008

 

Daisypath Wedding Ticker

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 7:28 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

You're really being a baby about this...

Regardless of whether your Dad has done anything for you, you're being an immature baby. Without ever having MET his new wife, you blame her for breaking up your parents' marriage? Grow up and TALK TO HER AND YOUR DAD. You might even like her. 

DaisypathWedding Ticker

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:10 AM Go to message in response to: pissed08

No, you don't HAVE to invite her. But your father did not HAVE to pay for 7 years of tuition, he did not HAVE to help you find a good job and he most certainly did not HAVE to shell out 27K for your wedding. You don't have to invite her - but if you don't, it is a complete show of disrespect for your father and ungratefulness for all that he has done for you. The reason why the marriage between your parents ended is their business. This man has obviously been good to you. The least you could do is invite his wife. I find it rather immature that you have never met the woman and don't plan to. She could end up being a very nice woman. For your father's sake, stop acting like a spoiled child.

 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: DO I HAVE TO INVITE MY DAD'S WIFE?
Posted: Jun 11, 2008 9:12 AM Go to message in response to: Bride2008

Ladies - I would like to congratulate us all for not jumping up and down and knocking Pissed08 around, however, I don't believe she is coming back (if she was real in the first place).
Love2uKiss

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