I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...

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ILoveMyCoastie0... Posts : 132 Registered: 1/18/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 12:24 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

Wow!  My mom cried to me cause she could only pay for $300 of my dress that cost me $800!  Believe me I was so happy when I found out that she was giving me that much.  My FH and I are paying for the whole thing! I don't see why you would ever need a 15 K wedding anyway.  The amount of money that you put in doesn't mean that you love each other more or that your parents love you more.  Its all about the life you are starting for each other.  Even if I had the money there is no way I would spend that much on it.  It makes me sick when I see these wedding shows when the girls are spending millions!  There are people in the world who could use that money!  I definitely think it depends on how you are raised.  I was never given anything because my mother just couldn't so I had to work for what I do have.  Now my FH and I are working our butts off to raise 3k for our wedding.  People shouldn't expect everything to be handed to them that is not the way the real world works.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 6:57 AM Go to message in response to: ILoveMyCoastie0...

Dear ILMC,

"It makes me sick when I see these wedding shows when the girls are spending millions!  There are people in the world who could use that money!"

This is fallacious thinking.

Consider this: When someone spends money on a wedding, that money does not get burned up in the fireplace. It goes out into the economy.

People whose livlihoods depend on wedding-related goods and services get a paycheck when our bride goes out and spends money. Their paychecks are returned back into the economy for any goods and services they purchase.

Our bride's $1000 for flowers goes into the paychecks of flower growers, farm workers, delivery people, flower arrangers, store clean-up crew, advertising companies and then to all those people's babysitters, landlords, grocery stores, gas stations, car payments and so on.

Eventually, some of that money makes its way into YOUR paycheck.

If a bride can afford megabucks for her wedding, great. If not, then also great. I never begrudge a person spending money that they can afford to spend.

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ILoveMyCoastie0... Posts : 132 Registered: 1/18/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 9:36 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Believe me I totally understand that! If the money is being spent locally like mine is I don't have a problem with it.  But why would you need to have an expensive wedding?  Its just not one of my priorities to spend $6000 on a dress or something like that.  I could be using my money for better things such as paying off my school loans or building a house.

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 10:02 AM Go to message in response to: ILoveMyCoastie0...

"But why would you need to have an expensive wedding? "

You don't NEED to. Some people just want to. And that's their business and choice to make. It may not make sense to you, but there are a lot of people who might turn around and say "WOW, how could you only spend 3K on your wedding?" Granted that would be wrong for them to do, but there are people who feel that way.

It's also a matter of relativity. Let's say someone who makes 30K a year spend 10% of their salary on a wedding, which would be 3K. If someone who made 2 million dollars last year spend the same 10%, it comes out to 200K.

This is a debate that pops up a lot on these boards and it can sometimes get very heated. What it boils down to is that the cost of someone's wedding is no one's business but their own. I am so sorry if this seems harsh in any way, I don't intended it to be. I just wanted to bring up the other point of view.

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 


Message was edited by: Bride2008

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: ILoveMyCoastie0...

But why would you need to have an expensive wedding? 

If I applied that kind of logic in life, I'd just take a vow of poverty, and only have the bare necessities of life.

I didn't need an expensive wedding.  I also don't need the pretty shoes I'm wearing, or the apartment in the nice neighborhood I'm living in, or the tickets to the Chris Rock concert I'm going to tonight.

I want it.  I can afford it.  Why does anything else matter?


_______________________________________________________
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”    - Albert Einstein

 Vote!  http://www.barackobama.com/index.php

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SammiAnn Posts : 114 Registered: 3/4/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

You're right.  If someone HAS the money to spend, then why not have a big ole' shindig?  HOWEVER, it's those couples who DO NOT have the money and but themselves into major debt just to throw some extravagant thing that I think are not making wise decisions.  Also, back to the original post, if the family HAS the money and OFFERS it, then the bride and groom should be happy with whatever they are given.  It's those brides who know that they/their parents can't afford it, yet still want that huge wedding.  Also, it's those brides that are ungrateful for what they are offered from their parents that tick me off!  Being ungrateful for ANY gift, whether monetarily or otherwise is just being mean and selfish.  People give (most of the time) from their hearts and what they think is appropriate.


June 7, 2008...here I come!

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NJ4Life Posts : 3,358 Registered: 8/10/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:28 AM Go to message in response to: ILoveMyCoastie0...

 I don't see why you would ever need a 15 K wedding anyway.

Well maybe thats the type of area some people live in (i.e. me, MsD and others..)

In my neck of the woods you cannot find a place that will cost less than $75/pp. And if it was less it's probably a cheesy banquet hall that people around here do no have weddings in. 

My DH's family, for example lives in an area where you can pay $10 or less pp for a wedding.  But guess what? They probably make LESS than we do b/c of where they live so theyre spending the same percentage of of their salaries than us.  

Personally for me, I did not want a banquet hall type wedding. I wanted something a little different. Maybe I could have found something that was less, but I liked the place, we could afford it and that was that.

Everything we bought for our wedding (minus the honeymoon since we went all out) was on a budget. We still came in around $18,000, and most of that was the reception and honeymoon trip.

I dont think brides that are paying for their own weddings are in any way jealous of brides that don't.  But maybe there are some people out there that are jealous of that fact that they cannor afford a $15K affair. I dont know. But its ALL regional. Thats the bottom-line. 


Formerly Ama102707

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ILoveMyCoastie0... Posts : 132 Registered: 1/18/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:37 AM Go to message in response to: NJ4Life

I don't want this to come out the wrong way but in no way am I jealous.  I love the idea that I am having a cheap wedding but it will not look cheesy.  We are not having it in a hall but rather outdoors.  I'm making a lot of the decorations and even the cake on my own.  I would say it is a regional thing.  I have old country values and just don't think I should have to spend that much money to show my love for my FH.  Sure if you have the money to do whatever.  I have wants too but my needs always come first and big wedding isn't a need for me.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:42 AM Go to message in response to: ILoveMyCoastie0...

Dear ILMC,

"But why would you need to have an expensive wedding?"

It's not a question of need. It's a question of setting a priority in spending discretionary income.

I get my paycheck. I pay my bills, put some in savings, give to charity. What's left? That I can spend however I like!

The fact that I spend my discretionary income on one thing and you spend yours on something else means nothing. Everyone sets their priorities.

I don't like the idea of going into debt to fund a wedding. That's just dumb. Assuming the couple, or the couple's parents, have the cash on hand, then how that cash is spent is their business.

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:52 AM Go to message in response to: ILoveMyCoastie0...

Dear ILMC,

"I love the idea that I am having a cheap wedding but it will not look cheesy.  We are not having it in a hall but rather outdoors."

I did the same thing!

I got married in my parents' back yard. The total bill came to about $1000 (in 1976, probably = $5000 today). I'd like to bet my parents could have spent up to $10k on my wedding (1976 dollars), but I'll never know. My dress, for example, was $85 and brand new.

I was so under budget I did not even know what the budget was. Whatever they had left over they just got to spend on themselves!

Like you, I couldn't see spending a wad of dough for a wedding.

BUT, unlike you, I don't have a problem with other people spending their own wads of dough (ie ready cash on hand, not credit) on whatever they like. Everyone has their priorities.

I live a minimalistic lifestyle. I don't wear makeup, ever, don't drink coffee nor alcohol. I don't color my hair. I don't wear expensive clothes, except when out seeing business clients. I drive an 8-year old compact car that gets good gas mileage.

But, I like Perrier. I was in Germany with my boss, and ordered Perrier every night with dinner. My boss was really in hysterics at the though of Mimimalistic Me ordering "expensive designer water".

What the heck? I like Perrier!!!!

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 12:24 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Hee Hee Aunt.

Whenever I see someone drinking Perrier, I always think "What a waste of money!!" : )

Life's so funny. . .  .


_______________________________________________________
“We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them”    - Albert Einstein

 Vote!  http://www.barackobama.com/index.php

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krista210 Posts : 450 Registered: 7/14/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 10:57 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

MsD - hope you have fun at your chris rock concert tonight. He's so funny!
DaisypathWedding Ticker

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 18, 2008 11:32 PM Go to message in response to: MsDenuninani

Dear Ms D,

Perrier is a lot cheaper in Europe, so while I'm there I guzzle it down like it's ... water!

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ArtBride Posts : 4,838 Registered: 5/9/07
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 19, 2008 1:54 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I've been sitting here laughing as I've been reading the last page or so of this thread, which has helped me a little with that crying-induced headache that I mentioned on that other thread. Anyway, I was laughing because I am SUCH a hypocrite on this issue!

When I see someone say 'I think it's a waste of money for people to spend more than 15K (or whatever) on a wedding,' I think to myself, 'I'll spend my hard-earned money however I damn well please!' But when I see someone who is spending 100K on their wedding (or whatever), I think, 'What a waste of money! There's SO MUCH I could do with 100K!' It's all relative.


DaisypathWedding Ticker

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77ChevyGirl Posts : 272 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: I'm probably going to get ripped a new one for this, but...
Posted: Apr 19, 2008 2:24 AM Go to message in response to: daybug

Like most people here, I agree.  It's about the people who take it for granted that mommy & daddy are paying.  FH & I thought we'd paying it completely on our own.  Second wedding, his parents are gone, we're both workaholics, we should pay.  I was FLOORED when my mom paid for both my dress & the deposit on the church!  I wasn't expecting it, and am I EVER grateful!    I would NEVER complain if my family paid it in full or gave me $1 towards it.  It's a gift, and it must be appreciated.

As far as the expensive weddings go, I have to admit, I'm REALLY against them.  I do see it as pointless.  Especially for the people who are doing something far greater than they can trult afford.  It's about the marriage, not throwing the party of the century, ya know?  I run my own non-profit, and I see hundreds of thousands of dollars going into weddings that I think could be going to help others, or go for a down payment on a house or car, and so on.  BUT, it's not my place to judge.  I have my opinion, but I can't condemn someone who wanted (and was able to afford it) a lavish wedding.  To each their own. 


~ Lauren - The Future Mrs. Harvey

 

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