Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem (UPDATE)

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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

seadreamer,

First, I'm so sorry you're going through all this. 

It really sounds to me as if you've done enough for these people.  You tried to do a great thing by staying in Ky. after your husband died, so that they would have access to their grandchildren.  It sounds as though they didn't and don't appreciate that.  I would up and leave.  Your kids deserve better.  And if DH can get a job transfer, then I would just do it.

I hope it all works out for you.

-Ness


 

Oh baby don't it feel like Heaven right now? Don't it feel like something from a dream? - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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Whitb55 Posts : 435 Registered: 12/16/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 2:28 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

For the sake of your children you should move. They are obviously desperate for money and they could take it too far. I know this sounds rash but they could try and take the kids away or hurt the kids or just flat out be mean to the kids because you wont give them what they want. THey are obviously trash and you need to get away from them. Your children do not need to my exposed to people like that, even if they are nice to them. They are smart enough to know that they do not take care of themselves, and you do not want them to take after those inlaws. If you dont want to move the kids because of school and such then you need to call the police at least or move just to a new home in the same area. 

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 11:07 AM Go to message in response to: Whitb55

Well DH and I talked last night and we are going to have to move.  However, we are going to have to wait until June to do it, we pretty much have to.  My oldest had a bad accident at the end of October, and he has to have a second surgery on his leg at the end of the month.  At the time of his accident they found a tumor in his bone, so we have to get a biopsy done when he has his second surgery.  We are going to let my oldest finish the school year, put our house up for sale, and make sure all ties here are taken care of.

We did sit down with the boys and ask them how they would like to live in Colorado, and they were on board.  My oldest did say "are we moving because Granny and Aunt Chris made you cry?".  We told him that we just think it would be good for them to spend more time with Grandma and Poppy.  I am not going to bad mouth my inlaws in front of the boys.  It is not right.

I am very sad that it has come to this, because I LOVE my job.  It is going to be hard to find a job, and I am NOT one to be at home.  I mean don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but come on....home all day??!?!?  I would go crazy! 

I feel like I am being run out of the state, and all I have done is give and give.  This is what I get in return?  Makes me not want to do anything to help anyone anymore. 

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 11:13 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

you shouldn't do anything to help them any more, but it shouldn't change your view of everyone. not all people are like that, i promise.

i'm glad your kids are good with the move. i think they will be even happier about it in the long run and so will you. this will be good for all of you.

i hope everything goes well for you... you seem like a really sweet person and you obviously deserve better than what you're getting.


www.MattAndJesy.com <3

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Bride2008 Posts : 3,058 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

" I am not going to bad mouth my inlaws in front of the boys.  It is not right."

That shows you are the more mature better person in this situation. I will keep my fingers crossed for you. I hope everything works out.


 

"I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." - Billy Crystal, When Harry met Sally 

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Mrslinnben Posts : 2,285 Registered: 6/4/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 12:15 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Just adding my thoughts to your sticky situation.

If you do things for the right reason, everything will work out.  Now is the time to move forward, starting your new life with your new DH. 

Your children are the link to your husbands family.  They boys can still have a relationship with them, no matter what state you live in.

I wish you the best. 


Good luck, happy planning & happy wedding day

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Whitb55 Posts : 435 Registered: 12/16/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 12:41 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

You handled things very well. I would still call the police for some extra protection and explain the situation to them. They might not be able to do much but at least they know in case something arises again the police already know that you have made one complaint. 

As for your job is there a way you can transfer to another location? I have no idea what it is, but may jobs can let you transfer or at least know someone in a similar field to refer you to. Not always but many places have an alternative, unless your work somewhere that is just one location.  

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 1:03 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Dear seadreamer,

You are doing the right thing.

You are not being "run out of the state". You are making a positive decision to move because that is what is best for you and your family.

There are great jobs in Colorado, too!

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allbusiness Posts : 106 Registered: 7/17/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 4:28 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Best of luck!  I really think you made a good decision.  Don't think of it as running away--think of it as an adventure!!  You're really jumping head-first into your new life w/ your new husband.  And kudos to you for handling the situation so well!

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MissyF Posts : 275 Registered: 9/23/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 4:59 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Seadreamer: While I cannot personally relate to your situation, I have known a number of people who have been through strikingly similar situations, and here are my thoughts:

You are making the right decision in moving. It is the best thing for you, and for your boys. They need to see that you will stand up for yourself and for them, and that a blood-relation is not necessarily "family." After all, you do expect them to accept your DH as a father-figure, right? This is so important to their development, to understand the way that families are supposed to behave toward one another. While it is unlikely, it is not outside the realm of possibility that your inlaws could eventually pose some kind of danger to your children, so in that sense, it is doubly important to move them away.

As for you yourself: you are entitled to a certain level of stress and apprehension about moving, trying to find a new job, being happy at that job, etc. In this situation, you really have to look at the bigger picture: after going through the worst tragedy a woman can endure, you have successfully continued to care for your children, and have found a wonderful new partner who obviously wants to take care of you and your kids.... THAT DOES NOT HAPPEN OFTEN!!! When you most NEED to move, your DH rides to the rescue and is able to provide the solution, removing some of the burden from your shoulders. You can be proud knowing that you have always done what is in the best interests of your family, and see the move as a personal triumph and the opportunity for a new and fulfilling life. Indulge in the anxiety if you must, but NEVER DOUBT your decision. And have faith that everything will work out with finding a new job, because even if it takes time, it WILL happen.

Good luck and stay strong! 


Woman to my man. Slave to my budget.

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Angele Posts : 76 Registered: 8/15/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 6:00 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

While I still sympathize with your situation, I think you made the best choice by refusing to put up with your in-laws by moving away. This will give you and your family a fresh start. Best of luck to all of you.

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NewMrsSass Posts : 722 Registered: 12/31/06
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem
Posted: Feb 6, 2008 6:13 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

Just to be on the safe side for now, I would NOT tell them about your plans to move (when or where).  Personally, I would never tell them (they sound borderline psychotic) where you are going and just cut ALL ties with one big slice.  If they were pissed enough about the money to come over to YOUR HOME and threaten you, I can't imagine how they would react to a permanent detachment from their cash cow.  Protect your boys, your FH, and yourself, and don't see them (or let them see the boys) before the move either.  When your boys are old enough, you can tell them the truth and let them form their own opinions.  They will definately understand.

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immigrants Posts : 349 Registered: 4/24/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem (UPDATE)
Posted: Feb 11, 2008 9:13 AM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

You need to get out of there. Take your boys and DH and go anywhere in the U.S. except where you are right now. You haven't done anything wrong other than giving them more than you should have. If I was you I would take their threat to heart that if you don't give her the money they will come and get it themselves. That remark would scareme and I would run like hell. I wouldn't want to stay around and see what these people would do. Don't give in, don't give anymore and go. Your only obligated to care for yourself and your sons no one else. Good luck to you.

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seadreamer Posts : 522 Registered: 6/8/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem (UPDATE)
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 3:43 PM Go to message in response to: immigrants

LORD GIVE ME STRENGTH-  I have to take the boys to my inlaws tonight because it is my first mother in laws b-day. 

I think I need a valium or a xanax. 

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JayJ Posts : 1,080 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Fustrated, Sad and Confused-In-Laws Problem (UPDATE)
Posted: Feb 12, 2008 4:15 PM Go to message in response to: seadreamer

actually, you don't have to do anything.

                     www.MattAndJesy.com <3           http://llama.jjammies*

                          HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (2/12)

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