All backwards!!!!

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 22, 2008 7:11 PM

Laughing

I've only posted a couple of times and, come to think of it, probably not on this exact board.  Sit down for a nice convoluted story.

My not-yet-fiance and I have been saving and talking about being married for a while now.  We have a financial goal that we think we'll meet by the this year.  Because of this and the just plain 'rightness' of it, we've decided to marry this year. 

I'm an orthodox practicing Catholic, so the 'hoops and rules' that other people can be frustrated by aren't really 'hoops and rules' to me, they are just a process that I believe in.

The first hoop to jump through is to not have a wedding date that falls in Lent or Advent, weddings CAN happen during that time but because of the solemnety of the seasons, weddings are encouraged for more happier seasons that aren't distracted by the different types of worship activities focused on The Passion and/or preparation for the Nativity.

So we've settled on a perfect date or dates of October.  Now, the kicker is that I have not been officially proposed to.  I know that might ruffle a few feathers with some board members but we have our own reasons, and quite frankly I don't want our 'moment' to be so orchastrated or an afterthought, I just want to let him do what he wants to.  I think he has the right to express his love to me the way he wants to and in his own time.  He is the one that loves the October timeline the most so he knows what sort of timeframe he's looking at, you know?

Well, I almost had a crisis this last weekend because the church bulletin announced, Last Call for couples registering for marriage in 2008 is on Jan 26.  I was left in a brain busting quandry about letting him know.  He would've been very dissappointed and possibly hurt that I didn't let him know and I couldn't just let him find out after the fact.  So I took the bull by the horns and let him know, but STRESSED that I did NOT want a forced rushed proposal because of this, I teared up because I didn't even want to have that sort of conversation in the first place, ugh. you know?

Well, he calls the parish today and finds out that they most probably will have registration (and classes) also this summer but they strongly recommend registration 6 months prior to the ceremony.  He tells her our situation and finds out that we start going to this weeks registration (and classes) without an official proposal/ring. 

So that is what we've decided to do.

The next step concerns my parents.  We both work for my parents and older sister in a family business.  My not-yet-fiance is a manager.  He is going to need to be off for these class dates, and it would be no problem for him to go except my parents would want a reason for his abscence (especially on the days that the other manager will not be present). 

So we pondered him being very vague and  telling them he has to take classes.  It's not a lie, and would save the surprise until I'm officially engaged and can/will tell everyone.  Or just tell them the whole truth. 

I think he's decided on telling them the truth tonight.

So basically, our engagement will be announced to my parents tonight and I'm NERVOUSLY EXCITED!  I don't know if I should be there or not, becuase it's sort of like a cross of the 'traditional, groom asking for parents blessing before the engagement' sort of thing and the 'We're Engaged' sort of thing..

LOL, I'm happy and never even thought I'd be in this sort of silly situation.  I honestly thought 'Last Call' for our parish would be around April or thereabouts.

I'm 27, so I'm not some young thing but to my parents and older siblings I'm permanantly the baby of the family, so this is sort of a special thing.

But you know what? Now that I'm writing this all down, my mom will get all emotional and probably let the cat out of the bag soon.  Darn it! 

My future fiance wanted to save the engagement ring money separately from our savings account, slowly but surely and take his time rumanating over the perfect. I know him, that's the way he wants to do it. I just would hate it for him for people to be 'at' him asking, 'so you haven't given her the ring yet?'

Believe me I know the people we work with and our clientel.  They've been peppering us with questions since we first started dating.

Oh well, that's a worry for another day!

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 22, 2008 7:24 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

dear FF,

Sounds like you have "happy problems"!

Let me give you some perspective. Big, showy "proposals" have been in vogue for the past few years. When I got engaged (1976), no one did that kind of thing. We just talked more and more about getting married, then finally set a date. We went out and bought rings, together, then I started wearing the engagement ring.

I get the feeing that is what is happening to you. You've decided to get married, you're signing up for the pre-Cana classes. All that's missing is a Big Proposal.

Forget it. You're already there. Enjoy the process.

Reply


futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 22, 2008 9:04 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

Thanks so much for your post. It's very calming in face of my nerves right now.

I couldn't take away the moment he wants to give me/us, so there'll be an official proposal.  And pragmatically, to keep the nosy hordes away, I'm going to do my best to keep this quiet in the meantime.

But I understand definetly your meaning, and I honestly am all stars and gushiness right now not just because of a wedding day or a perfect proposal but because our marriage is going to kick heiny!! :D

 

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auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 22, 2008 9:23 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Dear FF,

That's all OK. Sign up for the classes and not worry about it being "official".

The worst thing that could happen would be going through the classes, then not getting married after all. So what? You'll still learn a lot in the classes.

Reply


LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 22, 2008 10:22 PM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

I just actually went through the classes.  Even though I'm not Catholic, I found them really useful.  AOTB's right.  Don't worry so much about the big proposal.  It sounds like you have a wonderful FH anyway!

Congratulations!

-Ness


http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/VanessaClarke&TimShortley

Oh baby don't it feel like Heaven right now? Don't it feel like something from a dream? - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 23, 2008 5:19 PM Go to message in response to: LochNessie

Thanks for the replies. :)

He and I actually had been looking forward to the classes (even though we didn't expect them so early), we want to be involved in all sort of couple activities, retreats, classes and counseling that the parish has. 

The way they have these Pre-Cana classes set up sounds like alot of fun.  We'll be meeting at different peoples houses and having a session with a Catholic married couple.

Once we're married we also want to go yearly to a Cursillo marriage retreat. We think it's important to have that sort of retreat for marriage 'upkeep' even though couples don't see problems in their relationship.


I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!

Reply


futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 23, 2008 5:23 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Oh, by the way, as an update.

He talked to my parents alone this morning and it looks like they are very excited.

 


I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 23, 2008 11:22 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Dear FF:

YES, AND????

Reply


futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 24, 2008 2:18 AM Go to message in response to: auntofthebride

sorry :) I'm not sure what the question is.

?


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

Reply


auntofthebride Posts : 9,354 Registered: 4/2/06
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 25, 2008 1:51 AM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Dear FF,

"He talked to my parents alone this morning and it looks like they are very excited. "

YES, AND??!!??

Reply

Whitb55 Posts : 435 Registered: 12/16/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 25, 2008 4:37 AM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

I am a little confused by your story. Did you have a question or are you just expressing what has been going on with you? Sorry, I was reading and waiting for a question haha. Anyway, I would consider you two already engaged. If you are planning a wedding with someone and they know it and are involved with it and you are going to take classes then you are engaged. Some people might have a different opinion in the definition and what constitutes as engaged but that is just mine. FH and I knew we loved eachother and were going to get married before he proposed, so I understand that situation. But I never planned anything. I thought things in my head some like any girl, but never planned anything or signed up for any classes or discussed colors or anything with anyone. I had no idea when I would get proposed to I just knew someday it would happen and it would be with him. I understand you are waiting for the ring as well as the special moment, which it would be nice to have a surprise when you get the ring. However, if you are planning and going to classes and going to vendors I would at least say engaged. Places get very annoyed with people who say they aren't even engaged yet but are taking up that particular vendors time. It is good that your church understands, but I am making this suggestion more for if you are going to places for a reception, your gown or bridesmaids, tuxes, flowers, ect. I am not sure what you have done but I just would be aware that people are going to be very annoyed since you aren't engaged because what is the point of looking at wedding things and taking up someones time when you are not really engaged. I understand your situation, but other people wont and you wont have time to explain it to everyone anyway. 

I am glad that your parents have been asked and everything because hopefully that means the engagement that you are waiting for to define you as engaged is coming soon. It takes a while to plan a wedding if you are wanting the typical traditional wedding, so hopefully things will happen so for you so you have time to plan. Sorry, I thought I would just offer some advice because I work in the bridal industry and I know people get funny about things when people are not engaged and they are looking at things. I am afraid you wont get taken seriously and in all reality you are planning a wedding and by a lot of peoples definition are engaged so you do deserve service and help when you do start to plan. Let us know how things go.  

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futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 25, 2008 11:18 AM Go to message in response to: Whitb55

Oh, no, we aren't going to vendors yet. The closest we are getting to 'planning' is this weekend we are going to buy a wedding planning book.

I do want to clarify, it's not somehow just me 'holding out' for a ring or some sort of specific proposal that I dream of, before I let us tell people.  

Rather, we both, especially him, don't want to be considered engaged to the public eye until he proposes with the ring he has picked out.

Since the second week of dating almost 2 1/2 years ago, we've known that we've wanted to marry.  We'd talk about all sorts of wedding, and marriage plans and details but never let anyone else know about it.  So I guess I'm used to being in that sort of 'limbo'. 

Maybe I could define it as a secret engagement.

I didn't have a question in my first post, I just had my heart in my throat because he was going to go to my parents and let them know what we had planned.  It was a big step for us and I just wanted to go somewhere where I could share my anticipation and the catalyst that made this come about, you know? :D

 


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

Reply


futurefiance Posts : 39 Registered: 9/22/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 25, 2008 11:28 AM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Oh, by the way, I do want to thank you guys for your advice. It's good to know what others' experiances are and how they can help me out.

Thank!


**********I don't know what I want for my wedding, I just know I want him for my marriage!************

Reply

soon2bmrswarner Posts : 187 Registered: 10/23/07
Re: All backwards!!!!
Posted: Jan 25, 2008 1:50 PM Go to message in response to: futurefiance

Congratulations to you on being happy and deciding to get married. Nothing wrong with that! Enjoy your wedding planning and have fun with it. I don't see it as being 'all backwards' at all, you are just doing things in your own way. Smile
 

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