How to ask for a romantic proposal?

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XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 16, 2008 11:18 AM

Hi everyone!  I'm new here -- my BF and I have recently started talking about getting married.  We've discussed everything from serious issues like how we want to raise our kids and how we'll cope with a two-career relationship to wedding-y issues like how many bridesmaids/groomsmen we want and what kinds of colors we like.  Although we're not officially engaged yet, we've more or less settled on getting married in summer 2009.

Which brings me to my one issue.  I love my boyfriend and will say yes to his proposal no matter how he asks me -- but I would really love a romantic surprise proposal.  Boyfriend is very practical and not big on surprises.  I half expect him to propose by saying, "So, we're getting married, right?  Cool.  Here are three wedding days that will maximize our tax savings, let's pick one!"  Which would be fine, I guess, but I know part of me would be really disappointed to not have a more romantic memory of the way he proposed.  (There won't be a ring at the proposal, BTW, he's said several times that he would want me to go shopping with him for my ring, which is fine by me -- his taste and mine are compatible but not always perfectly matched!)

I don't expect him to fill our apartment with roses or do something that involves more planning than D-Day.  But it would mean so much to me if he made the effort to surprise me or ask me in an unusual way.  I'm wondering if I should mention that I would really like a romantic proposal.  On the one hand I feel silly and selfish asking him to do something that's a bit out of character.  And it seems kind of controlling to tell my BF what kind of proposal I want.  But on the other hand, how will he know it would mean a lot to me unless I say so?


Ashleyl525 Posts : 1,590 Registered: 12/27/06
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 16, 2008 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

your best bet would be to talk to someone who is close to your boyfriend (ex. sister, mother, best friend, father.) anyone that would be someone he would talk to about this...just explain that you always pictured your proposal to be something incredibly special...

they should pass along the message for you or just hint around about it..

good luck


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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 12:37 PM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

YIKES! I feel like I wrote this post! hahah Well, I haven't said anything to bf, but I'm sure he knows me well enough to know that I want something special and unique (I think most girls do though, right?). I figure, he knows me well enough to know what I would like and while he's not at all like me (I'm really extroverted and he's a total introvert) his idea of a proposal is to do something for me and something that I would like... even if it's not what he's exactly comfortable with.

Maybe your guy is thinkin the same thing...?


kennysoldwife Posts : 3,859 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 12:53 PM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

I think people sometimes get so caught up in the way a proposal is made.  My husband said to me and I quote "Okay we been fooling around with each other since you were 11.  We have been together and broke up 9 times over the years.  I think we should get married and be done with it, what do you think?" That was my proposal.  It said exactly what he meant.  It is the way our relationship had played out over the years and it was him being him.  My answer,  "I am not doing anything on the 23rd is that a good day for you".  No ring, no flowers, no romantic dinner, just straight to the point,  The proposal was on October 1, 1997, we were married on October 23, 1997.

If you want the hearts and flowers tell him what you want.  Show him what you want with movies and things like that otherwise you may get something you might not be happy with. 

Good Luck. 

Kenny and Me Perfect Together,  10 years and counting.



XYZ1 Posts : 367 Registered: 1/7/08
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 3:15 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

Part of why I’m so confused about how to make my feelings clear is that I haven't been fantasizing about my proposal since I was five, or anything like that.  I don’t really want or need a fancy dinner or lots of flowers or a proposal that could have been in a Hollywood movie.  A friend of mine proposed to his wife by leaving a note on her pillow one night that said, “Marry me?” – I think that was low-key and absolutely adorable.

What I really don’t want is to have a long, involved conversation about the pros and cons of marriage, at the end of which we agree it's time to get married – and I’m worried that’s exactly how it will happen.  That’s how my parents got engaged.  Their marriage ended in a very bitter divorce.  (That’s probably why this is important to me -- I don't want my marriage to resemble my parents' in any way.)

I hope my BF knows me well enough to realize this is one moment where I'd prefer us to be impractical and romantic instead of pragmatic and sensible.  But maybe I should mention my parents' engagement story, and make it clear that I really want something different from that?

Message was edited by: ColoradoClaire

Message was edited by: ColoradoClaire

Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 3:27 PM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

Oh man! I would definitely hint around to him so you are more likely to get that dream proposal.

I don't think anyone's horror proposal story can be quite as bad as mine.  My now exH asked me to marry him during a ty-d-bol commercial on TV as I lay half-asleep on the sofa.  Not exactly romantic and certainly indicative of the rest of our marriage - I should have seen the HUGE red flags then, but I was young and dumb, haha.

Best of luck!

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it. - Song of Solomon 8:7


Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 17, 2008 3:31 PM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

I understand how you feel... I think I've had most of my wedding planned since I was 5! haha

I think if you tell him the story about your parents' engagement, you won't have to tell him that you want something different. I mean, if you tell him what you wrote here, I'm sure he'll get it. But, if you want to be sure... I would talk to friends or family that would pass it on.  Other than that, welcome to the waiting game... I've been playing for a while! =P  Good luck with this and try not to let it get to you too much... from what it sounds like, you'd be happy to marry him and even if it isn't your dream proposal just remember that the end result is the same- you get to marry the love of your life. Everyone should be so lucky. <3


JAllen Posts : 793 Registered: 9/1/06
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 19, 2008 10:13 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I told my fh while we were dating that I was really wanting a surprise proposal if and we I ever got married again.  I never expected to marry him the first few years we were together.  But anytime marriage came up that is what I said.  I didn't want to end up discussing marriage and just suddenly being engaged.  I wanted the whole shebang, surprise, tears, hugs, screaming....Well, when the time came he knew what I wanted and was trying to plan something while we were back home visiting family.  I had a suspicion, so I told my bff about it, and that night when the 3 of us were out at a dance club, she pulled him out side to talk to him about it and left me alone in the club for over an hour.  Now I wasn't upset that they were together, not my concern, but she has a pattern of ditching me at the club for whatever guy she finds, and I hate it.  HE knows all about that, but he was so excited to be sharing with her that he didn't think about it.  Anyway, long story short I was very hurt by their behavoir and mad.  We got home and I was crying and upset and saying I can't believe you let that happen, you know how I feel about it, blah blah blah.  So in an effort to make me feel better and explain what was going on he told me he was planning on proposing.  So anyway, that was my "romantic, surprise" proposal. lol  Kinda sucks, huh?! lol  Oh well, I got the guy so I'm still happy! lol  But I would definately start dropping hints and stuff like that!  Good Luck!


TheNewMrsJ Posts : 754 Registered: 1/6/08
Re: How to ask for a romantic proposal?
Posted: Jan 19, 2008 8:15 PM Go to message in response to: XYZ1

i know how you feel! but unfortunately, it ain't exactly always how it is in the movies (sorry for the cliche!)

my fiance and i have only been dating for a little over a year, but we've been close friends for over a decade. witnessed all breakups and bad relationships of each other, heard the horror stories and other details that would have been best untold, among many other fun times we've shared together.

altho he's a writer, when it comes to girls, he can be sometimes clueless, like any guy.

when we first met back in 8th grade, he had written me a poem and then later on that year wrote me another. he's written many poems over the years as well, altho none more for or about me. i had hinted to a friend of his that maybe he could ask me with a poem and how cute that would be. unfortunately, iono if his friend suggested it or not... 

we've known almost our whole dating relationship that this was it for both of us, it was just a matter of him asking.

well for work, he has to pick his vacation weeks in january every year, so i knew it was coming soon, but after him not doing it for christmas or our 1 year or new years, i honestly had no clue when he was going to do it.

apparently he had planned this for over a week though - we went to lunch after church to Chili's with his brother and his girlfriend. While waiting for dessert, he starts asking when I think he should take his vacation weeks and I gave him the same answer I had been giving him for weeks - that really that all depended him. And he was just like 'depends on me what? does it depend on me asking you to marry me?' and pulled out the ring and got down on 1 knee, in the middle of Chili's.

not quite as romantic as i had always envisioned it, but it still worked Smile


When is my wedding



September 13, 2008 *~
Rachel & Josh




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