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to pick out a ring or not?

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 12:53 AM

So we've been talking about an engagement and marriage for a while now and recently he's brought up the ring a couple times.  The first time he asked, I was so shocked I cried and felt sick (lol)... but when I started thinking about it, I realized that I really had no idea what kind of ring I wanted. I've looked around online a little, and still, nothing. There are so many types that I like (and some that I really don't) but it's hard to get a good idea by just looking at pictures on the monitor.

He wants to me to give him input on what kind of ring I'd like but he wants to be able to pick it out. I want him to pick it out too- I want it to be a surprise... but it's hard to tell him what I'd like since I don't even know.

So, my question is this: Should we go to a ring store or something and just look around? Or should I go on my own with a girlfriend to get a better idea so that I don't put any pressure on him (and that way I can just give him a really general idea without showing him specific settings)? How should this work?

The last thing I want is for him to feel like I've already found my ring and that he wasn't able to really pick something out for me. But that's hard to navigate through since he wants my input at the same time.

Any suggestions???

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coastiebride Posts : 1,365 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 12:57 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

well i sent pics on ones i like to my sister who was in cahots with me and emailed the ones that "she thought i would like" it worked out great i love my ring! i wanted to be suprised i didnt want to go pick it out! You can always do a small engement ring then later before the wedding then get a bridal set..... someting to think about

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marty08 Posts : 1,110 Registered: 7/1/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 1:10 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

YIKES!!!..  Please don't go look at rings with your friends...THERE ARE SOME DROP DEAD OVER THE TOP RINGS OUT THERE!!...

I would honestly go "shopping" or talk about what styles of ring you like.  FH picked out a silver ring for me..I hate gold...I had NO IDEA he knew that  I didn't like gold!!...I have the most beautiful silver, white gold whatever(not saying that in a bad way...but somehow fh knew what I liked..not gold..unless it's two toned with silver) 

I agree 100% percent with you..a general idea is a good thing...finding something you love and it not being anything what fh picks out for you....could be a bad thing...sorry...I'm sounding rude??...have a general idea of what you like, gold silver, solitaire, 3 stone...

I think that is so sweet that he would want your input!!...I would think about what you would want...without looking online or at stores in the beginning...wedding rings can get sooooo outrageous!! 


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Love2u Posts : 1,661 Registered: 10/24/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 8:26 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I sent my FH picture of rings I liked so he could get a feel for the style I like.  both www.bluenile.com and www.shaneco.com have a wide variety of ring styles with an "e-mail a friend" option.
Love2uKiss

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,057 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 9:17 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

i would really just decide on a shape and whether or not you want side stones and let him do the rest.

 

one you get in a store you might fall in love and like you said you don't want to pick THE ring.  you'll love whatever he gives you if he surprises you! 



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Jen415 Posts : 255 Registered: 3/7/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 2:21 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I was in the same situation as you.  FH wanted my help, but I wanted him to pick it out and surprise me.  So we went "looking."  We went to a couple ring stores in the nearby mall and just browsed.  I didn't necessarily pick out the ring I liked, but after trying on several, FH had the idea of the style I liked.  About a month after we went looking, he surprised me with the most beautiful ring I have ever seen.  Yes, it was one I had tried on, but coming from him made it even more beautiful.  And he had the jeweler upgrade the center stone...so even though I had seen the ring before, it was still a surprise and very, very special.

 


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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,862 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Go to the jewelry store try on the rings and decide which ones you like.  Once you find out which ones you like then you can tell him.  As with most things you can't tell if  you like it if you haven't seen it or tried it on.  Good Luck.


 

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missrachelk Posts : 72 Registered: 6/26/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 2:32 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I would definitely go and try on some rings with a friend - lots of styles I thought I liked I didn't once they were on.


I would also recognize that you are treading dangerous waters here, personally, as soon as I tried on that first ring, it was all over! I got soooooo excited!!! I don't know about you but I had never had any 'real' jewelery before and it was jsut so exciting!

You'll be suprised at after trying ona  few that your style will show itself.  

I think of it like this too, you'd never buy a car wihtout test driving it so why not go and test drive a few rings!

It will be much easier to give your FH some paramaters when you rule out things you know you don't like.

Don't be scared, you can do it!

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 2:37 PM Go to message in response to: kennysoldwife

I'm a little worried about going to look at rings with him because I don't know what price range he is looking at either... I don't have super expensive taste but I like nice things and after 5 years, I'm sure he knows this. But I don't want him to feel pressure about the whole cost of it. I also don't want to pick out something too plain because he's already said that he knows I wouldn't like something like that... I really just want him to be comfortable and happy with what he is buying and it's hard to find my role in that.

And he NEVER goes shopping with me so if we went out to casually look at rings, it would still be a big deal because we'd have to plan on going...

I tried the online search, but it's still so hard for me to picture it as something I'll be wearing everyday! 

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: missrachelk

The excitement of looking at rings is something I haven't even touched on yet, only because I'm TOTALLY looking forward to it! Like you, I don't have any "real" jewelry yet and I'm so anxious about this particular one... That's why I was thinking about taking the first trip to the store with a friend (or maybe his sister since we're really good friends) that way I can get the initial excitement out of the way (and try on the crazy big rings just for fun!) and not have to bring him through the whole process. That way I can avoid putting pressure on him by not going to a ring store with him but still give him a good idea of what I want?

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kennysoldwife Posts : 3,862 Registered: 4/28/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 7:53 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

That is exactly the way to handle it. Go without him and get an idea of what you like.  Then you can tell him what you like and he can still pick out the ring he wants to give you.  Take a friend and have fun with it.  Once you know that you like three stones with a round center stone or a princess cut solitaire or a marquis you have an idea of what to tell him.  Let him know if you like yellow or white gold.  You can let him know your style and he can figure out what his pocket can take. 


 

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Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 10:22 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Go either by yourself or with a girlfriend and try lots of styles on.  That way you'll be able to say "I like princess cut, but not round cut"  "I like sets, not solitaires", etc.  Also, budget won't come into play there.  You won't make him feel uncomfortable by trying on expensive rings to see the style (many expensive rings can be done on a modest budget).  Once you've decided your likes and dislikes, describe them to him.  Show examples, and then the rest is up to him.

I understand how overwhelming it can be, my DH proposed without any indication and decided not to buy a ring since he wasn't sure what I wanted.  Well, I didn't realize he was ready to propose, so I didn't know what I wanted either!  We went to the jewelry store together and the jeweler gave me a great tip that I am thankful for:  When all else fails, classic is still classic.  I wasn't sure what style I wanted, and after I thought about that, I decided on a 1/2 ct round cut solitaire set in white gold with a thin band, because it  will never be out of style.  To this day, I love it.  It's perfect in every way and I don't worry about it going out of style.  The band we chose to go with it is a simple thin pave band that sets it of perfectly.  So, when all else fails...Classic is still classic!  Plus, I love the smaller style because I'm not overly conscious about it when I travel to other countries and it doesn't look too flashy with jeans and a tshirt at the dog park!

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mavjen Posts : 78 Registered: 10/21/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 10:43 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I just went ring shopping for the first time with my boyfriend 2 weekends ago.  I am so glad we went together for several reasons.  Before shopping, I had an idea of the type of ring I wanted (tiny pave diamonds around the stone and all around the band) and it was very different from what he was thinking of (classic solitaire with a simple platinum band).  We were at a deadlock, so we decided to see what I would like in person rather than continue to disagree about hypotheticals.  I tried on a bunch of rings and instantly I was no longer crazy about the style I thought I liked.  It was way too much on my finger.  Then I tried on a slightly thicker platinum band with just the solitaire stone.  I liked it.  Then we went to the 2nd jewelery store and I absolutely fell in love with the simple ring he originally liked.  I thought I would hate it because I thought the prongs would be too high off my finger, but the simple setting was low and it looked stunning.  The salesperson also had me try on a wedding band with the ring and I loved both rings together.  My boyfriend really loved it as well.  I say go with your boyfriend, especially if he has never shopped for a ring before.  He needs to see what works on your hand and to get over any preliminary sticker shock.  I had sticker shock too.  But, we both learned a lot about diamonds (the 4 c's) so hopefully he will use that knowledge to his advantage when the big purchase takes place. 

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DoubleGreen Posts : 285 Registered: 8/12/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 11:00 PM Go to message in response to: mavjen

It's not as romantic as having him surprise me with a ring during his proposal, but I was more than happy to go with him and pick out the ring that I wanted. I know how much he hates shopping for things he's not sure of.

In order to have an "official" proposal, he has hidden the ring and is arranging for some special way to propose. I can't wait to see what he does. He's so adorable.


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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: to pick out a ring or not?
Posted: Nov 26, 2007 11:16 PM Go to message in response to: mavjen

mavjen,

I read your response and honestly wondered if I had written it myself!!! I ended up going out to look at rings tonight with a girlfriend and got the initial shock and excitement outta the way so that way I could really get down to business on deciding which type of rings I liked. Well, originally I thought I liked antique-y pave type rings... then I tried on a few and they just looked way to busy for me.  I tried on a few simple bands and fell in love. anyways, my experience was EXACTLY like yours except that I went with a friend of mine...

Thanks for the feedback ladies! and to those of you that are still looking at rings in cases and not on your finger- good luck finding the ring of your dreams... or at hinting enough that he'll find the perfect one for you! LOL

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