I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 13, 2007 1:00 PM

My whole life i've been really awful with surprises- I LOVE them, but the wait stresses me out SO much.

Hence my current problem... My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and for the past year or so he's brought up the engagement quite a few times- he's even asked about what kind of ring I want and mentioned that he already knows how he wants to propose.

While this shouldn't sound like a problem, it is a challenge for me. I am so worked up with wanting it so badly and it's on the forefront of my mind most of the time, but I want to relax, enjoy it, and just let him take his time and do it in his own way. I want to "go with the flow", but I've been waiting for this for so long (since I was 3 and practiced walking down the isle of my church)!

Any advice???

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SeasideBride06 Posts : 958 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 13, 2007 3:16 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Take a yoga class. Seriously. It will help you relax overall and help you focus where you want to focus. Then when you're overwhelmed with proposal/engagement thoughts, you can do some yoga or just some breathing exercises. I know it might sound like a lame suggestion, but it's the greatest stress-buster I've ever found.

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 13, 2007 4:31 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I get where, you're at. My boyfriend has had the ring (for sure, I know because it's my grandmother's diamond and I picked out the new setting) for almost 4 months now. The fact that I know he has it has put a lot of stress on me as well I thought that as soon as he had it he was going to propose, he could have proposed without it honestly, and I would have been happy. So anyway, I wound up really depressed and kept getting angry and crying at him for three days. that was a month ago. and I still have my ups and downs, but I keep just trying to focus on the fact that I love him so much and that i can't wait to be his wife. and even if I can't plan yet, I can still get ideas. Just have fun and start the planning process early by knowing what you want in advance, that way you can get it all figured out and taken care of quickly, so you can spend your engagement relaxing and enjoying that phase of your relationship, while you focus on eachother rather than what your venue is or what kind of flowers to buy.


If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 14, 2007 5:14 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Wow, I feel like I wrote this post!  It was really bad a couple of weeks ago...but I am getting better.  I just feel a little silly when I bring up a wedding and people automatically look down at my hand.  I know he has the diamond already and is looking for a setting...but waiting can be very difficult!  I hope you can relax and enjoy this time.  I don't know how to tell you to do this, but I know exactly how you feel.

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 8:39 AM Go to message in response to: BB84

KG23,

That is the worst part isn't it? when people automatically look at your hand or ask where the ring is or start asking we4ll why hasn't he proposed? (like we would know anyway, lol) And the thing is that the people asking don't seem to realize that you keep asking yourself all the same questions and everytime someone OUTSIDE your head asks it it's this horrible blow. and our boyfriends don't seem to get that we don't have the freedom that thwy do in tellig poeple about wedding stuff or that they're getting married becasue we have to have the rock to prove it, otherwise people don't believe you. anyway enough of my rant you just reminded me a lot of myself, lol

 


If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 3:14 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

Sure is!  I don't want to sound like that silly girl who only THINKS she's getting married.  And I also don't want to tell my dad until it's official, so I don't know what my budget is and can't really start any planning until then.  Sigh.  He is looking for a setting today, so I hope he found one!  I'm just trying to remember that this is only like a month out of my life and put things in perspective a bit.  Time is just going by soooo slowly right now because I am working on my Master's and have an insane amount of super annoying work to do...so I'm probably not in the best mental state to begin with and unfortunately this is not helping!  Good luck to you.

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 5:39 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

thanks, i so understand about time going slowly. I'm about to graduate with my bachelors and then go into the masters program for English...not that this is saying much about my typing skills becasue they are so horrible, lol. well best wishes for as quick engagement!

 


If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

Reply

Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 15, 2007 6:42 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

All this time I thought I was the only one that felt like this. I really feel like i'm going crazy, but it's becoming more and more obvious to me that there are plenty of ladies that feel like this.  It's so hard to want something so bad and not have any control over when or how it happens.... and I want him to do this in his own way but the wait is driving me nuts!  I just hope that he doesn't feel too pressured because of it... 

Message was edited by: ashleyanne

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 16, 2007 2:54 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

Cool, my BA is in English as well :)

I feel like a nut job sometimes too.  Like, he was supposed to look at settings yesterday, but his mom had to cancel so they were going today, and I was really dissapointed.  It's one day! 

Keep me updated ladies!

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 12:33 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

I know what you mean about no control...I had been speculating that it was Thanksgiving...I found out today That I was wrong...ugh...but I'm trying to keep it on the lighter side with him...he gets really distraught when I get disappointed...so very simply, I won't let myself be excited either, that way I'm not so disappointed. And I can be a total control freak so not having control over something is complete torture, lol. I can imagine that you're much the same way. In fact I think most of us are.

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

Reply


EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 12:34 AM Go to message in response to: BB84

I know what you mean..It's like every day lost equates to one more day you could be planning..and the date just keeps getting closer and closer...lol

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

Reply

BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 2:43 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

Exactly!  222 more days!  Aahhhh!  Plus he just told me that his best man is going to propose soon.  He and his girlfriend are very close with FH's family.  They have only been together since about May, and I am like ugghhhh.....even though I totally know I shouldn't be.  I just hate being so anxious.  I assume he found a setting yesterday....I know he went with his mom.....so I'm like just ask already!  Plus my parents are starting to give me a hard time.....they always find SOMETHING to bitch about....yikes.

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 6:57 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

510 days for me. At least i have more time.And I know what youmean. I ran into a friend from high school a while back and when she asked what was new I said i was getting married, she flashes me her hand and says "me too!" and as she starts looking at my hand I'm frantically trying to get it in my coat pocket. So of course I felt idiotic. Today I called one of my happily engaged friends who's getting married in march to talk to her becasue I just keep getting more and more upset the longer he waits...I thought it was going to be Thanksgiving, he figured out that taht was what I thought and then started laughing...so Of course I felt like he was laughing AT me, my friend's convinced that he meant it in an Aww-Thats-Cute sort of way...but still it makes me feel silly. Then he say's "It'll be good, just be patient" so this leads me to believe that It's still going to be a very long time. *sigh*  And as it turns out, he was considering doing the one thing I kept hoping he would do, which was take me someplace really pretty, like a park, or someplace outside while the leaves were changing, I live In the North so the leaves get really beautiful in the fall...now all the leaves have fallen. It was the one thing I was really hoping for and Fall has come and gone, then I find out that he considered it and I've been really upset all day, I was talking to my mom and as soon as I say "That's exactly what I would have wanted," I start crying. Goodness, this thread has turned into a griping session between there "Almost engagee's" (Not sure about that terminology, but hey, Shakespeare made up his own words too)

Anyhow, I hope all is going well on the other fronts

 


If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

Reply

Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 7:34 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

aww, sweetie... i'm sure he's not laughing AT you! my bf always says "oh well that's cute" every time i mention how i would like things or when he asks what i'm thinking about and i slip and say something about the ring or wedding... and that "oh how cute" response definitely isn't any better than laughing. for quite some time i thought that he was just being really condescending and i was always embarassed that i had let my true feelings (anxiety and impatience) show. i definitely identify with you because i felt silly too.

but last week, we talked about it and he said that he has mixed feelings about it. on one hand, he's really excited because he knows it'll make me really happy and he seems to think that he'll be happier and more fullfilled by giving the ring than i will be getting it from him (if he only knew how long i've been waiting...).  on the other hand, it makes him feel a little bad because he hasn't done it yet and he knows i'm waiting.  he says that he wants to present me with a "good" ring- one that i can be proud of and one that he'd be proud to give me.  well, that's sweet and all, but i'd be happy with a twisty tie if it meant i was finally engaged to marry the man of my dreams.

maybe your guy's laughter is just his first reaction. i mean, obviously i don't know your dude, but maybe he's feeling the pressure of knowing how badly you want it and the fact that you're waiting on him.  it's a lot of responsibility on his shoulders and maybe he's just waiting for the right time to make it absolutely perfect.

as awful as it is to wait, i'm realizing (at least in my relationship) that this whole engagement thing is REALLY important to him too and he wants it to be SO PERFECT and so he's taking his time to feel comfortable knowing that he can give me the best.

i've been freaking out this whole time, but when he put it to me like that, my impatience subsided (even if only for a few moments) and it brought me back to what this is really about.  it's not about the ring, it's not about how he proposes, it's not about the wedding that i pretty much have entirely planned already... it's about us. and at the end of the day, i know he wants the same things i do and i'm just happy to be with him.

as much as i want a break from feeling so crazy about all this, maybe i should give him a break.  afterall, it is kinda cute that he's so worried about it being perfect. =)

so ladies, when you see my next post and i'm ranting about him taking so long, point me back to this post. hahaha 

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 8:56 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

It's true that the guys are really focused on getting it the way they think it will be perfect. Mine is the same way, he has all these grand plans apparently. He has the ring, as I've mentioned. But he seems so caught up in the display of it all, and I don't want a show, I want it to be real. A friend of a friends boyfriend carried around the ring in his pocket for a week trying to find the perfect moment. They had just had the worst day ever and they were in the middle of a downpour in a taxi when he asked it to pull over, he gets out and  comes around to her side, opens the door and kneels down in the gutter... in the rain, and proposes. Like This, I would be happy anytime anywhere to accept his proposal. I just keep feeling so much like i come second in his life to so many peopel, even though he says it isn't true...but he said something about waiting because his parents asked him not to rush into anything. If he wasn't going to rush into anything, why order the ring in front of me then tell me when he had it? What's the point? I mean, maybe it's just that guys don't operate the way we do...I don't know, but the longer he waits the less important I feel. I have GOT to stop venting like this, lol, I feel like I've done nothing but rant about this all day to everyone. My mom, My Dad, My Friend, and You guys, which, honestly I'm grateful to have found people in the same situation of impatiently waiting for the man you love to ask you to spend the rest of your life with him. All I really want is to be able to wake up next to him every morning as his wife, knowing I have everything I want in the world.

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND


Message was edited by: lkrebs2b

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