I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 17, 2007 10:44 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

ok, 2 things: if you're feeling like you're coming in second (and not just every once in a long while) then that's probably something you guys should really address... and don't just accept him saying "that's not true". at least for me, that wouldn't be good enough- i'd want to figure out ways that would help me stop feeling like that and i would expect my bf to be supportive with it all. secondly, if his "reason" for waiting is because his parents don't want him to rush things... well, parental input is good, but shouldn't be the whole reason for a decision.  maybe he's using that as a shield for himself. maybe ordering and even getting the ring freaked him out a bit? but who knows... maybe he is just waiting for that extra perfect time.  if it were me, i'd talk to him about it. ask him if seeing the ring and the realty of it freaked him out a bit. but i'd be careful to be as understanding as i could be and not be too judgemental and not emotionally charged because of my impatience and wants.

i'm sorry you're in this position, hun.  and don't worry about venting... there are plenty of people that understand where you're coming from and you shouldn't be sorry for reaching out for that solidarity.

~ash 

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 2:31 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Hey girls.  Ashley, I'm glad your feeling better about the whole thing. :)

And lkrebs - Maybe he is buying some time so that any pressure you guys are feeling will blow over and  you will really be surprised.  I'm sure it's easy for our b/fs to be feeling some pressure because they know how much we want to be engaged.  He told me last night that his best man actually isn't going to propose until May, so I feel better about that.  I've pretty much decided to stop mentioning it to him so that he won't be worried that it won't be a surprise when he does ask.  We'll see how long that lasts :).

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 2:38 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

It's not exactly that it's his entire reason for waiting, it's just I'm not sure what the others are. I know he isn't freaked out because we talk about wedding stuff all the time and he keeps saying how he can't wait to marry me. Me felling as though I'm coming second to him has been a recent occurence, like in the last month or two, and it's happened only about four times or so. So it isn't like it's horrible or anything, and usually they're minor issues and they get resolved. I think that my frustrations are just magnifying things honestly. I just love him so much and I'm so excited to tell people that I get to marry the man of my dreams. goodness, i have completely overtaken this thread, lol, you were the one who wanted advice and here I am going on about myself. How are things going with you guys?

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 2:41 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

lol, unfortunately my guy can't stop talking about it himself, everytime I try and make the decision to save wedding and engagement discussions until after he's proposed, he decides to start talking and asking questions about wedings. (The question which spawned all of this was actually him asking whether or not he gets and engagement ring, lol, go figure.) Just like you two I'm just trying my best to relax and enjoy the ride and everyone seems to make that impossible for me to do, lol.

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 6:42 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

Yeah, we both talk about wedding stuff too, I'm just going to stop asking about the ring and expressing my anxiety about getting engaged asap! 

I bet that soon we're going to look back at this and think we were being awfully silly.  It just doesn' t feel that way now.

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 18, 2007 6:47 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

I'm sure we'll be laughing at ourselves a month or so after or proposals finally happen. But you know, It's made me feel loads better as it is being able to talk to girls in the same situation. We stand on common ground, whereas most of our friends and family can't completely relate. So it's been really great talking to you girls and being able to not feel completely like a nutcase, lol. I just want to say thanks for that.

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

Reply

Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 19, 2007 1:52 AM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

well it's never a good feeling to feel second, but i'm glad to hear that you aren't feeling like that often! and also glad that you're confident in his feelings and that he's made them clear enough so that you can be =) 

so i've tried the not bringing up approach... didn't work so well for me so i hope you have better luck with it!!!  i have "word vomit" when it comes to the ring/engagement/wedding stuff (reference mean girls, hahaha).  and i get the other part- everytime i try to leave it alone and just sit back, someone brings it up (mostly my bf), i run into someone that asks when we're getting married, or i run into someone that's newly engaged.  feels like engagement season to me- soooo many people i know have recently done it... when is it going to be my turn??? my guy doesn't have a ring- i don't think he's really looked at rings that much (other than the pictures i show him).  it's weird- he says he knows how he wants to propose (which drives me insane) but he hasn't gotten a ring or even really looken into getting one.

i'm back at the beginning- i just wish i could it let go for a bit and relax...

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 19, 2007 2:02 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

and after reading what i just wrote... i'm pointing myself back to the post about feeling better. lol

gosh, that guy drives me crazy. as the days pass and i know that my time is getting closer and closer, i'm starting to feel like i did 5 years ago when we started dating. things feel new and exciting and there is so much "love in the air"...

maybe that's the key to not feeling so crazy.  it's not the beginning of our relationship anymore, but things are so different, new, exciting, and love-filled... i should just ride high on those things until my day comes.  remember what it was like to be in a new relationship? after 5 years it's easy for me to forget sometimes, but the more i think about it, the more i feel like i'm in that crazy in love stage again... but instead of waiting for him to ask me out on our next date, i'm waiting for him to ask me out for the rest of his life.

seriously love him. =)

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 19, 2007 12:03 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Wow, that is a REALLY good way to look at it.  I'm totally using that.  Instead of wondering when we'll go out again, I'm wondering when the proposal will be.  I love that!

We talk about the wedding every single day.  I'm just trying to relax about the actual engagement....which is sooo hard because the ball is so totally in his court and I have no control here.  And that last thing I want to do is be a control freak.  Last night he asked me what size ring I wore.  I was kind of surprised because I thought he would have already needed to know this.  Oh well.  I really think I will be upset if we don't get engaged this weekend....isn't that crazy?!  At least I'll have you guys to talk to!  He was joking that he was going to wait 3 -5 weeks and I was like 'are you serious??' to which he answered no.....so I'm sure I just need to chill out.  At least this is a short week!  And I'm so glad we'll be spending Thanksgiving together.  I'll talk to you guys later.

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Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 20, 2007 7:12 PM Go to message in response to: BB84

ok, i love the guy, but my heart just broke a little.  i feel like such an idiot right now... we were talking about our "timelines" and he said that an engagement wouldn't happen for at least another 6 to 12 months.  stupid me, i was expecting it around the holidays =(  and i know it's stupid to be upset about- i've already waited over 5 years... what's another 6-12 months? but i am upset. i'm upset because i want to marry him and it's all i can think about... i just wish he had the same fire lit under his ass. hopefully you ladies will get your day sooner...

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luckykelleyk Posts : 113 Registered: 7/24/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 21, 2007 12:49 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

That sounds like a way to throw you off...... I mean, I went through the same thing so I had my share of dissapointment, is never good to get your hopes up. But that definitely sounds like something he would say to make you THINK hes not going to propose.... just a thought. 
DaisypathWedding Ticker

                                    May 3rd, 2008!!!!! 
                    www.MyWedding.com/RogerandKelley 

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 21, 2007 10:52 AM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

Trust me, his fires bigger than yours..Just guys really don't operate the same way. Guys are so strange i can't even begin to explain it, because mine proposed finally, Monday, after work. I came home and my parents were leaving to fix something of my Grandmother's, so before going in ( I already had the door open, but I had my head turned away from it, watching th garage door go down (it's finicky) I finally turn around and I'm freaking out because someone is in my house. So He scared me to death, he has candles everywhere a table set with all the trimmings and dessert and a rose in a vase in the center. but before anything hapened I now had to pee really badly because he scared me. So I ran upstairs took off my shoes and coat and went to the bathroom, them came back down. He hugs me and starts saying realy sweet things while he pushes me back toward the fireplace, and of course I'm thinking "The Food is over THERE" because I was hungry. He pulls the rose out iof the vase and starts talking about it being a symbol of our love, then he goes down on one knee (The fireplace was to make the ring glimmer because it was hidden in the rose petals) and starts crying and asks me to spend the rest of my life with him.

I was shocked, weird I know because I've been talking about it so much. But he kept on explaining that he had been so eager to do it he had to keep himself in check so that he didn't slip anything, hence the way he's been acting. He was even more eager because he was going to do it last week, but the man who baptized me passed away (he was something of a second grandparent) and I had to be at the funeral, so he had to wait one more week. lol, and I feel so silly for all the complaining I did because everything was so perfect and I was still happy end excited despite the wait. he told me to be patient last friday...that was a short term of having to be patient...I think he's trying to throw you off. And he's jus as excited as you.


If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

Reply

Deletedhandle Posts : 49 Registered: 11/13/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 21, 2007 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

but, I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AND YOUR FH!!! And that's quite a story that you'll have to tell- so cute!

I wish I thought that he was trying to throw me off, but unfortunately, he's never been very good at that. I don't think there's ever really been a surprise in our whole relationship (1. because he gives it away without knowing and 2. i seek to find out). Oh well, I guess I'll just focus on the holidays and spending it with our families and friends... hopefully that will distract me from actively waiting.

CONGRATULATIONS again!!!Laughing

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BB84 Posts : 388 Registered: 3/31/06
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 21, 2007 12:36 PM Go to message in response to: EnchantedEverAf...

Oh my gosh, congratulations!!!  I'm so happy that the wait is finally over for one of us!

I'm so sorry Ashley.  Maybe he will end up doing is sooner.  You just never know.  And I know it's so hard not to think about. 

I was talking to my best friend and MOH last night.  She told me she picked out her ring in May, and in late July her b/f told her it wouldn't be much longer.  She used to talk about it all the time, but she hadn't mentioned it in forever.  I think she was just sick of thinking is was coming and then it never did.  I think she'll get engaged soon....but I've thought that for awhile so who knows. 

I'm going to try to relax and enjoy Thanksgiving with my family.  My b/f brought home a bottle of my favorite champagne last night.....geez it sucks to get my hopes up everytime he doesn something nice or takes me somewhere nice!  Arrgghhhh....

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EnchantedEverAf... Posts : 88 Registered: 9/3/07
Re: I can't relax! ADVICE PLEASE!
Posted: Nov 24, 2007 5:17 PM Go to message in response to: Deletedhandle

But you know My FH isn't very good at surprising me either. A) becasue he runs off at the mouth and B) because he's predictable. Guys are actually okay when it comes to this one thing I think, becasue amazingly, he managed to throw me off just enough so that I didn't see it coming.

 

If then true lovers have been ever crossed,
 it stands as an edict in destiny.
then let us teach our trial patience,
because it is a customary cross,
as due to love as thoughts, and dreams, and sighs, wishes, and tears, poor fancy's followers." ~Hermia, MSND

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