How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?

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modernchick Posts : 2 Registered: 7/3/07
How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 1:27 PM

Ok. So my guy and I have reached a point in our relationship where we've talked about "the future" to the point of wanting to make it a reality. We both have talked about getting married - we even have a location picked out.

I've been browsing around at engagement rings and really only found one that I really like (it's very unique and not your same old solitaire- I want something different).

My question is this: How do I get him to propose with the ring that I want OR How do i propose to him (which he'd be ok with if it was private.) without giving up my chance to even have an engagement ring?

Girls, you'll understand this right more than the guys- it's not really a materialistic thing. It's a girl thing- I guess you can tie it in with all the wedding magic that every girl wants to have (and I don't wanna be in a situation where I don't like the ring he picked out...I could never tell him.) Anyway, I'm rambling. Any suggestions?


Message was edited by modernchick on Jul 4, 2007 1:29 PM

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 1:52 PM Go to message in response to: modernchick

Hi, modernchick!  I'm so happy for you and your guy!

It sounds like you're assuming that if/when he proposes to you, he'll have a ring in his pocket.  Lots of guys propose without a ring, either because they believe their lady will want to pick out her own ring, or because their decision to say "How about we get married?" is not that carefully premeditated.  (Not that they're not sincere -- a proposal without a ring probably has every bit as good a chance of actually leading to the altar as a proposal WITH a ring, especially if the bride doesn't happen to like the ring!)

Since you two have opened the subject of marriage, why not just tell him that you've always dreamed of going ring shopping together?  If he has tried to buy any other attire for you, he may already be familiar with how hard it is to predict what will look right on a woman and fit with her sense of style.  You know what I mean?  Something as expensive and as permanent as an engagement ring, that you're going to wear constantly and that also needs to look good with the wedding ring, is a major decision and wouldn't it be great for both of you to make the decision together?  When you put it to him that way, I would bet he'll understand.  He may even feel relieved that he's not under pressure to come up with the perfect ring on his own.


Eve T

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EuphoricReverie Posts : 10 Registered: 7/4/07
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 2:11 PM Go to message in response to: modernchick

I know many girls who have the "ideal ring" picked out in their heads, me being one of them. Here's a couple of ideas my friends have tried out, Pretty successfully!

1. Find some pictures online that you really love and save them to your computer (if you share a computer) he'll stumble on them sometime.

2. Walk away from your computer for a minute with a webpage open that you like a ring, you can do the same thing with a magazine, leave it open to a page with a ring you like.

3. Show him a picture of a ring you love and tell him its a ring one of your friends is thinking about proposing with and how much you love it.

4. Ask a friend or family member to look at pictures you like so that if he asks them to go with him they'll already know.

Hope that helps!


"Dreams really do come true"

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 2:42 PM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

Well, these indirect strategies strike me as a bit manipulative . . . I don't think my DH would have appreciated my doing any of them . . . but I guess it all depends on the dynamics of your relationship and your individual personalities.  Personally I believe marriage is based on open communication, so I would communicate openly about the ring. 

Fortunately in my case, DH told me he wanted us to pick out the ring together, so there was no issue about my dropping hints.  The actual shopping got stressful, as I wasn't crazy about anything we saw at the jewelers he took me to, and I found a ring on the internet I liked but the merchant was not trustworthy.  Eventually he told me to go and look on my own, and bring him along once I'd found what I wanted.  By that time we had pretty much agreed on price and general style.  I found the ideal rings (engagement & wedding) at Tiffany's, brought him to their store, and it all worked out great.


Eve T

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Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 10:28 AM Go to message in response to: modernchick

I was sort of in the same boat. But, FH and I are very straight forward/no bullsh$$ kinda people. So, I picked out my ring, bookmarked the image on his computer and told him flat out,"I want that one." There was no stress, no guess work, none of that. He knew exactly what to get me and I knew I was getting exactly what I wanted. 

So, just do what I did: Pick it out, tell him where it's at, bookmark it on his computer, and tell him flat out,"That's the one." None of that,"oh, I like that one and I like that one, anything like these ones." No, pick out the ring you want and flat out tell him,"That one." And when he wants to propose, half the work and stress is over with. Which, may or may not get his butt in gear; FH stated that he stressed about not so much proposing to me, but making sure he got me a ring I liked and that me taking the intiative and picking out exactly what I wanted, really helped. So, just be upfront and tell him flat out what you want. That's the best way to do it. 

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Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 10:31 AM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

I don't think you have to be manipulative at all.

FH and I discussed getting married for a long time.  So I KNEW we were getting married long before the proposal.  I found some rings I liked online and sent them to him saying "these are the ones I like" He didn't want to get  aring I didn't like either.  He did a good job.  I told him I wanted a princess cut solitaire, white gold. He figured out the rest, and I love my ring.


 
November 3, 2007 I become Mrs. Vazquez! If this is a dream, please don't wake me up...

 

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mindykatz Posts : 198 Registered: 5/27/07
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 10:50 AM Go to message in response to: modernchick

My FH and I were at the mall looking at mattresses when I suggested we go into the jewelry store just to look at what they had, and so he could get an idea of prices. This worked well for us because he was able to see what styles I liked, he was able to look at the prices, and he also got the business card of the lady who helped us, and he ended up going back to her for the ring because she made him feel comfortable. He proposed about 3 months later, and he ended up getting a ring that was similar to what I showed him but more intricate, and I loved it even more. So this was it was still a surprise to me when he proposed but I knew I was getting something I liked.

Maybe you could try something like that. Just get your guy to go "look" with you.

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MsDenuninani Posts : 3,962 Registered: 3/16/07
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 11:06 AM Go to message in response to: modernchick

I'd probably tell him that you know the ring that you would personally love as an engagement ring.  Show it to him, and then let him surprise you with the when and where.

I have a friend who did this - she told him the ring, he did the research on where to get the best price (turned out they sold it at Costco!) and he then  planned a great "surprise" for asking her to marry him.

I don't think that if you propose you necessarily give up a chance to have an engagement ring - though I suppose it depends on the guy.  But, to be on the safe side, I think the ladies suggesting a direct approach are probably correct.


_________________________________________________
If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: "Because it was he; because it was me." - Montaigne

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 8:37 PM Go to message in response to: modernchick

i would show him the exact ring. no sense beating around the bush if you're gonna regret it

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jojolina Posts : 897 Registered: 2/28/07
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 9:16 PM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

im not sure deception is a healthy way to begin an engagement/marriage.

 

www.mywedding.com/lorrieandchris

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LochNessie Posts : 1,631 Registered: 4/2/07
Re: How do I propose to him or get him to propose to me?
Posted: Jul 8, 2007 10:38 PM Go to message in response to: jojolina

My FH and I went looking at rings together.  He HATED the idea of proposing without a ring.  So we went to a couple of jewelers, I tried some stuff on and he got an idea of what I liked and what would look good on me.  Then he went back to the jeweler his family uses and picked me something out.  He surprised me with the ring (though it was what I wanted - but better), the when and the where.  And I couldn't be happier. 

-Ness 





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