Advice?

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EuphoricReverie Posts : 10 Registered: 7/4/07
Advice?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 12:54 PM

I just need some advice from anyone who is willing to give it. I don't even know where to start! I met Zach on my birthday of this year (Super Bowl Sunday) and have had him on my mind ever since. We didn't actually get to know each other and spend some time together until Easter of this year. However, the Easter weekend we spend 72 straight hours together and have been inseperable ever since. We moved in together a month ago (that is NOT at all like me - I enjoy my space) and granted we have our little spats lasting about five minutes like every other couple but I know he is the one for me. I have never been so happy in my entire life, and felt so completely myself. However, people don't take our relationship seriously at all. Zach and I have talked about marriage, and children and we even know the date we want to get married. He hasn't proposed yet because he cannot afford the ring he wants right now. We want to get married in two years and I don't know how I feel about not being taken seriously by anyone in my family. I have the greatest time reading all your posts and picking out things for my wedding but feel really alone doing it. Does anyone have any thoughts or suggestions?

I really appreciate it!


"Dreams really do come true"

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EveT2007 Posts : 1,949 Registered: 8/31/06
Re: Advice?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 1:31 PM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

Hi, Euphoric!  I am so happy for you and Zach!  It sounds like you have each really found the perfect mate.

Without knowing more details about your situation (your ages, whether you're in school or working, how far from your families you live, whether either of you have been married or lived with someone before), I guess my advice would be to ask yourself, what would it look like if people took the relationship seriously?  Would it mean that when your mom calls she asks "How's Zach?" as well as asking about you?  Would it mean that all of your friends automatically invite you everywhere as a couple, never on your own?  Would it mean that your relatives would give you "knowing" looks and drop hints about "when are you guys getting married?"

Once you have a vision in your mind of what "being taken seriously" would be, then every time someone does anything that fits into this vision (or comes close to it), you can encourage them.  Like, if your mom asks "How's Zach?" you can say, "You know, Mom, I really appreciate your interest in him!  He's doing great.  Do you know he loves your lasagna recipe when I make it?  I am so happy to have him in my life.  Did you and Dad feel like this when you were getting engaged?"  You get the idea.


Eve T

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EuphoricReverie Posts : 10 Registered: 7/4/07
Re: Advice?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 2:05 PM Go to message in response to: EveT2007

Well, you certainly bring up some very important questions. I guess I should have been more free flowing with my information (I got a little caught up). Zach and I are both 22, neither one of us has ever lived with someone we were dating. Zach as a matter of fact has never been in a serious relationship before this. I know 22 is young, but I have been living on my own for two years now, so the burdens and hassles of money are easier than most my age. We both work full time, Zachs family owns an operates a hurricane shutter company and I'm working to save money to go to Culinary School. Our families are very close, thats actually how we met. A super bowl/birthday party his aunt and my aunt (their friends) threw this year.

Our families constantly ask about us, and I just recently met his mother who lives in Philadelphia. I should clarify though - His mother is the only person who knows and understands how eager we are to get married. My mother knows how excited I am, but constantly reminds me that we havent been together for barely any time. I think what I should have asked, is how do I make them understand that we are getting married, regardless of age, and how long we have been together, and just be happy for us?

I wish I could show my mom pictures of ideas I've found and her not look at me like I'm crazy. I mean we dont plan on getting married until Spring of 09 so its not close.

 

SO LONG, I'm so sorry!


"Dreams really do come true"

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Guest
Re: Advice?
Posted: Jul 5, 2007 10:53 AM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

I don't think there's anything wrong with it. FH asked me to marry him the first weekend we were dating(it was a blizzard and he got snowed in and had to stay in my dorm room with me). We just knew we were meant to be together the moment we saw eachother(so cliche, I know... but, we ARE an exception). But, we also had a long engagement- 3 years on Feb 3 2008.

Now, if you two were getting married a month after dating, then I'd be worried. But, you two are planning a long engagement and I think that's best, IMO.

I guess the thing I would stress is asking the REAL questions; not silly stuff like, "Does he love me? Does he think I'm cute?" No, the stuff like,"Can our religious beliefs co-exist together?", "Where do children fit in?", "What's the other person's parenting style?", "Will kids be home-schooled, attend private or public school?", "What about work: Will we both work and have daycare for kids? Will one of us stay home? Who will stay home? Who makes the most money(kinda silly to have the one that makes the least amount be the primary provider)?", "Where will we live: near family or half-way around the world?","Do we want to rent an apartment or own a house or trailer?","What will our home look like? What sort of decorating style can we compromise on?"(Oh, yes, you definitely need to talk about that one if your idea of Ms. Pacman wallpaper is not something you want to wake-up to every morning)

Those were just some of the questions FH and I asked ourselves and eachother to make sure we were both on the same page. ANd with a long engagement, you'll have time to get a good headstart to making a fantastic future together; you can save money for a fantastic wedding and really explore your relationship and discovery a plethora of information on your FH and yourself. So, I wouldn't worry about what your families think; this is about you and FH. Enjoy it, :). 

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Guest
Re: Advice?
Posted: Jul 29, 2007 10:10 AM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

I understand, just remember if you know he's the one, even after having fights, then that's all that matters. I myself was in somewhat of the same position. Back in December I decided to, on a whim, go on a internet dating site and two days later 'met' this guy and when I went into the chat room he happened to be there and 30 sec. later we were chatting for over an hour, then he asked to call me and we've spoken everyday since. When we finally saw eachother a month later it was then that we both knew that this was it. However I only told my closest friends, know how my family would be. His family was also skeptical. we didn't make our engagement official till May, but believe you me I'd been planning the whole time. Now that our families have seen us together a little while and seen how much we love each other and how much we've actually grown since being together, everone's really happy for us. Hoever it will still take time for your family and friends to get used to you not being single anymore and refering to you as a couple. Plus since it 'happened so soon' I'm sure they're still getting used to you not being a lone. Good luck with all, I'm sure in the end everything will be great. I know when I finally told my mom she cried :).

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Guest
Re: Advice?
Posted: Jul 29, 2007 10:38 AM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

Please don't let a ring be the excuse for not being engaged. Many couples never even purchase engagement rings! Also, there are many beautiful CZ rings (even @ Penney's) that would be suitable until you can afford something real. Besides, is it the commitment or the ring that is important?


MOMOFNEWBRIDE!

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EuphoricReverie Posts : 10 Registered: 7/4/07
Re: Advice?
Posted: Aug 1, 2007 6:05 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I completely agree that a ring isnt the reason at all. We both know we want to get married and its not like I'm sitting around waiting for him to Propose, its just that when he does actually get down on a knee, he says its important for him to have a ring.

I could care less about a ring - its the wedding band that means more.


"Dreams really do come true"

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jojolina Posts : 897 Registered: 2/28/07
Re: Advice?
Posted: Aug 1, 2007 6:15 PM Go to message in response to: EuphoricReverie

my dh felt the same way about the ring.  good luck ER.  your families will come around the longer they see you together and that you are committed to each other.

 

www.mywedding.com/lorrieandchris

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