Is this normal after being newly engaged?

Online Users: 1,236 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 30

Krissy3781 Posts : 279 Registered: 3/21/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 30, 2007 3:14 AM Go to message in response to: LizS

I think that it's totally normal...all of my girlfriends have had spats after their engagements - it's totally the pressure.

My FH and I have been fighting over the dumbest things lately...things that can be easily resolved, but not so much at the moment because of lack of time (remodeling the house, cleaning up our "mess" - see: abundance of "stuff", etc.) - it's just that we both have very demanding jobs and don't have the time to devote to having a donna reed style home.  So instead, we bicker - he's a neat freak, and I'm really messy - not so much a slpb, but more of a scatterbrain.

It's okay, everything will work itself out.  Just make sure that you talk to one another.

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BenjaminsWife Posts : 1,069 Registered: 1/11/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: May 2, 2007 3:10 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

This is normal. My FH and I havent had too many spats...but when we do get into one...my mom's the first person to say I told you so! So annoying!

I do have engaged friends who have been fighting with their FH since they got engaged.

I guess its just the stress that gets to people sometimes


The Big Day: 9/20/08

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LOnDZ Posts : 57 Registered: 6/10/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Jun 15, 2007 2:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

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FutureMrsSchroe... Posts : 35 Registered: 6/5/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Jul 4, 2007 8:14 AM Go to message in response to: LOnDZ

It's totally normal from what I have seen. My fiance and I have not really fought since we got engaged. We have actually gotten along better. Don't stress about it too much. 

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AlmostMrsEverson Posts : 3 Registered: 7/2/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Nov 13, 2007 3:55 PM Go to message in response to: FutureMrsSchroe...

I think it's completely normal. My fiance proposed in August and we're not getting married for another 18 months. Our mothers thought it was a good idea to go ahead and book the venue and reception hall immediately (we're talking negotiations with the reception people 3 days after) and we had a lot of decisions to be made right then. We don't really agree on the size and ended up booking a hall that could accomodate even the upper numbers possible. We fought like we never have before. We've been together for 6 years and 3 1/2 of those I was away at college and even long distance didn't compare to the misery the first 2 months of engagement were. We've worked through it though. Since we have time it's one item at a time, we make a decision and then we have serious us time before the wedding gets brought up again.

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Ariana2858 Posts : 14 Registered: 1/21/08
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 4, 2008 8:56 PM Go to message in response to: AlmostMrsEverson

I guess it is normal... that's what i have been reading anyway. I started to search out these message boards and other help because I was feeling the same way, and my FH and I were fighting and bickering over every little thing. We still are really. It's hard to feel like your relationship is getting strained more than it ever has before, right at the precise moment you expected to be the happiest girl in the world. I'm hoping it gets better. But anyway, you're not alone at all.

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2009ToBeMrsV Posts : 256 Registered: 12/30/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 5, 2008 4:18 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

argueing is normal for any relationship, engaged or not.  No relationship is perfect, but it is how you work things out and pull through.  Try not to let the little things get to you, if it is really bothering you then set up some alone time with you FH.  Have a nice talk with him about how things have been lately, and then move on.

My FH and I argue, a lot of times I get upset because I'm overly stressed right now since I got layed off from work.  I know he's a little stressed over it too.  I also went through the stage of "why don't you seem as excited as me?" thing.  What us women have to remember is that men are very different about these things, and they are less likely to be as outwardly excited as we are about something like this.  I know FH is excited, he's just not as outward as I am about it so I had to come to that realization.  I had a long talk with him about how I wanted this to be "our day" and not the "brides" day, you know?  I wanted him to be part of every aspect of planning our big day.  He agreed that is what he wants as well. 

Sometimes it just takes a good talk to get things out and work through it.  Stress can cause a lot of petty arguements, but don't let it take over your relationship so much that it brings you two apart.  He might also be a little nervous with the idea settling in that he will be getting married, this doesn't mean he has second thoughts.  But I think we all go through a little jittery stage when it starts to set in. 

Don't worry, things will smooth out.  Just keep the lines of communication open.


___________________________________ 

Engaged: January 1, 2008
Getting Married: September 19, 2009

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Bride2BeN2009 Posts : 27 Registered: 1/4/08
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 8, 2008 3:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Is it possible that it's just the stress of planning a wedding that's causing this? From what you're saying about how you guys laugh it off later is a good sign I'd say. I'm sure things will be fine :)

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Ariana2858 Posts : 14 Registered: 1/21/08
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Feb 21, 2008 12:01 PM Go to message in response to: Bride2BeN2009

My FH and I have been going through little phases where we're fine for a few days and then argue and pick at each other for a few days. It's rough because here you are trying to dream about how nice the rest of your lives will be together, but there are times where you can't even get through a half an hour without getting snippy. I think a lot of it is the stress of planning (not just your wedding, but also planning for your life together), the realization that your life is no longer just your own, and coping with the changes that brings about. It doesn't mean that you don't love each other or that it's not going to work, it's just an adjustment process. Plus it seems to me that a lot of people decide to move in together after getting engaged (that's what we are doing) and that is a whole other stress source because not only is moving in with someone intense on its own, but knowing that from here on out you will no longer have a place that is purely your own. It can be hard. Don't avoid the issues, and make sure you communicate, but also don't worry too much because things will slowly sort themselves out and you will find a groove together.

I don't even know if anyone is reading this thread anymore, maybe I just needed to write this out for myself for a little reassurance!

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nmtgirl Posts : 142 Registered: 2/12/07
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 22, 2008 4:07 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Best advice I ever got about fighting over the little things? Get the book The Conscious Bride by Sheryl Paul. It talks about how these things are so normal! It made me feel like I was normal instead of some freak Bridezilla who was on a rampage all the time! I'm a young bride too (20 and will be 22 when I walk down the aisle) so it really helps when my parents get a little overprotective! Then I have an unbiased source to go to so I can see if I really am normal or not!

Ashley and Paul - June 2010


 

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CyndiGravino Posts : 14 Registered: 1/4/08
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 24, 2008 3:45 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

lol... It is so normal.  My FH and I get along great and right after we got engaged we where at each others throats. I noticed that anytime we got on a conversation about the wedding we would bump heads and thats when we would start fighting.

As far as the comments from your parents, thats normal they just want the best for there children, but they also have to understand that you guys have A LOT going on right now besides just the engagement. You are going to start getting a lot of input from family and friends on what you should and shouldn't do and it may seem at times like everyone is watching your every move. Just be true to you heart and keep the communation open between you and your FH and you guys will get through this. Believe me the stress gets worst the closer it gets to your wedding...lol.

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Mar 30, 2008 4:12 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am SOOO glad to be reading this thread.... My fiance and I have been engaged for one full month and just got into a very awkward arguement and we arent talking. Our engagement was supposed to be a secret-- except he didnt make that clear to me. I have been telling EVERYONE.....

He said he didnt want me to stress about it-- so he just exploded about it--- now we are both feeling wretched!!! How will be be married if he doesnt communicate? He even gave me a "place holder" ring this weekend.. Im so confused.... I am SO glad Im not alone..I very happy to be marrying him-- but oie-- being engaged isnt ALL fluffy hearts! Thanks for listening!Smile

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Guest
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Apr 29, 2008 10:28 PM Go to message in response to: Ariana2858

I am putting out this post for the exact same reason that you did.  I've been engaged now for about 2 months.  My FH and I used to argue occasionally but now I feel like we argue all the time.  If it isn't every week that we fight, it's every other week.  Then he'll need his "space" so we don't talk for a few days.

I sometimes wonder whether I'm going a bit crazy or if this is something that I really want to do still.

Here's a bit of background on me.  We've been together for 10 years.  I've been away at school for most almost all of the 10 years but I was in LA and he was in San Diego.  So we could see each other pretty frequently.  I recently moved back to San Diego (last Sept.).  I've been looking for work and finally got a job offer the same week that he proposed to me.  I have had to deal with getting used to living in the same city, my new job and being engaged.  To top it all off, he and his family want the big wedding whereas I would prefer a smaller wedding.  I'm really doing this for him and his family because I love all of them.  But he's not very helpful with the planning and often looks irritated when I bring it up.  My parents are also not so supportive about the entire thing even though they love him.

Needless to say, I've been under a lot of stress these past 2 months.  I'm glad to hear from all the other brides to be that this is normal.   I was beginning to question everything about us but I tend to over analyze.

 I'm just going to try to give it some time and I hope everything works out as it has every other time in the past.

 I hope it gives you some comfort to know that you aren't the only one.

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BooBishaBride Posts : 120 Registered: 1/31/08
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: May 1, 2008 3:05 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

haha I don't know what movie or show this is from but the quote went something like this "suddenly it wasn't just a sock on the floor, it was a sock on the floor for the REST of my life. I couldn't help it, I hated that sock" haha sums up how the whole arguments over doing the dishes became more than just about dishes. I think it's normal. FH and I talked about marriage allot before we were formally engaged, so I noticed less of a transition because I think we adjusted more slowly. But I still totally understand, having marriage upfront in you're mind changes you're mind set. I think stressing about the future will still trying to concentrate on the present is some of the worst stress there is. 

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jackson132 Posts : 1,623 Registered: 9/13/12
Re: Is this normal after being newly engaged?
Posted: Sep 15, 2012 7:19 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

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