I'm not offically engaged, I'm allowed to plan whatever I want and we have adate set and pretty everything is planned, in my head, but we're not offical, and when asked when we're finally going to get married, he just jokes about it and says never, or IDK. Then at hom ewith me he says he doesn't want anyone to know until he can get me a ring, which I don't care about a ring right now. He doesn't want to look cheap or soemthing but everyone knows we have a baby and don't have much money t spand on a ring. I even try to make it cheaper, I do't even want a diamond, I like blue topaz, but an engagemnet ring has to be diamond according to him. I just want to get all this planning underway and I hate that he keeps joing about it, he doesn't seem to see the problem with it and tells me to chill out and take it as a joke. He says everyon eknows he's joking. But I don't know if they do. If my dream comes true, I'll fianlly get my ring on Christmas, but I'm not really counting on it, I know better. I just don't know what to do. Thats for letting me vent http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10716;6/st/20080622/e/My+Wedding/k/ca48/event.png
wow... that's a lot of stuff for one post. I agree completely that e-rings don't have to be diamond. My mom's is emerald and is beautiful... though be weary of some gemstones as they are very fragile. So talk to your jeweler and see how sturdy blue topaz is. Plus the place my stepdad got her ring... ultra diamond... will replace messed up stones or lost ones for free. I understand wanting to plan, and I don't see anything wrong with planning openly even though the two of you aren't officially engaged. There is no reason he should be secret about your marraige. Perhaps he feels embarassed, like if he says when yall are getting married or you plan, people will ask where the ring is, just jokingly even, and he will feel less of a man because he can't afford it. Regardless of whether they know that you two are tight on money, it still hurts. Just talk to him about it and tell him that you are ready to let people know that you are planning this wedding. Or compromise. Ask him to be more helpful and active in the planning, but that you will agree to keep it quiet for now. Hope that helps!!
Don't worry you're not the only one. My FH and I are also unofficially engaged, to give family and friends more time to get used to the idea of us being together. and we basically have to keep it a secret from most people, which is killing me, because I want to shout it from the rooftops. Good luck, and hopefully you are now on your way to planning the wedding full on.