Is it me or is it him?

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Shema Posts : 1 Registered: 3/26/07
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Mar 27, 2007 11:43 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know exactly how you feel. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 yrs. and he is 6 yrs. older than I am. In the beginning we always talked about marriage and started making plans for it. Over the last couple of months I don't know what has been going on. We have been living together the whole time we have been together. We have a 5mon. old daughter and he still hasn't done anything. When I do talk about it he gets mad and changes the conversation. Sometime it makes me sad because its like im already a wife without the title. I have had days where I have cried about it because I just dont know what's going through his head and if he really wants to mary me. Hopefully that day will come!!!!!

Message was edited by Shema on Mar 27, 2007 10:44 AM

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Guest
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 1, 2007 3:08 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I can totally relate to your situation. My BF and I will be together 5 yrs in May. I am 25 and he is 28. The plan is to get married in May 08, but still no ring. I will graduate from college in June and planned on taking a year off school to do the wedding thing and then go back and complete my bachelors. But it seems like I am going to end up having to choose between one or the other if I dont get a ring soon. Everyone has explained to him that it takes a year to plan a wedding but he seems in no hurry to get engaged. Everyone is making planning suggestions to me and all I can say is I am not doing anything at this point until I get a ring because my hopes have been shattered every month since before christmas (thats when we decided to get married in may 08) with not getting a ring. I dont want to feel rushed in trying to plan a wedding, yet dont want to plan ahead without the commitment of engagement. I also dont want to look like an idiot planning a wedding without being engaged. We also live together and money is not an issue in purchasing one. I do not understand why he is doing this and he will not discuss the issue either, with me or anyone. When the subject comes up about marriage/engagement with anyone he changes the subject or laughs about it. All of our friends are married with children except us. I get discouraged everyday wondering if it will ever happen at this point, but knowing that he promised me next year helps in getting through it and knowing it will happen eventually.

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TinaNTim Posts : 254 Registered: 12/8/06
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 1, 2007 4:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

All I can say is patience, to all of you who are waiting.  Why?  Because I waited SEVEN YEARS to get my ring.  For our situation, we did go through a period where everyone we knew was getting married.  I caught the bug, but it was early in our relationship.  Two years in. We're older too, we started dating each other at 29 and I have a son from another relationship.  But I got antsy.  Big time.  I don't recommend this for people who have been together under five years however.  How I went about it was, early summer 2006, I laid out on the line.  At that time, i just wanted a ring, to know that "we were going somewhere".  Well, time was passing, my birthday, halloween (it's special to us)...then HOLIDAY time...and I was wondering, but I made it a point not to nag.  I had said my piece, he knew he had a deadline.  Sure enough, I came home early from class one night early December and I caught him on line looking at rings.  He asked then.  But because of some unexpected finanical stuff, i had to wait until a WEEK AGO to get my ring.  

I knew by our 2nd date all those years ago, that he was the one I was destined to marry.  And girls, you'll know it to, at least I hope you do.  Not everyone is me and my FH.  Some girls just can't stand the wait, but I have a friend who got married, "just because she wanted the wedding" and she's completely unhappy now.  But she also won't entertain the idea of divorce either.  Don't push to get married because everyone around you is.  You both will know when it's right.  This all just my 2 cents.

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Guest
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 10, 2007 6:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know exactly how you feel. I'll have been with my guy for 10 years in June. He hasn't even "offically" proposed to me yet, we've just set the date and started planning. All the waiting was difficult, but what helped me the most was, is all I really want to be married, or do I really just want to be with him? I chose the latter and I chose to wait. We were really young when we got together and are still pretty young, so I've tried to cut him some slack. I didn't want to pressure him, because I don't want to be proposed to because he's afraid I'll leave him, he should propose to me because he wants to. We've been ring shopping to figure out what I want and I know he's planning on buying the ring soon. We're waiting a little bit until we can pay cash for it, neither of us thinks financing is a good idea.  I agree with what was mentioned before, he could just be trying to throw you off. Guys often want it to be a surprise, since you've been together so long, it makes it harder. Good luck!

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stunnedb2b Posts : 129 Registered: 2/19/07
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 10, 2007 7:40 PM Go to message in response to: TinaNTim

TinaNTim, this is what happened with me and my FH exactly.  Since I got engaged in February I guess I won't get my ring til May/JUne - we have put a deposit on it though.

Look be patient and let things happen in their own time. No amount of crying, whining, begging or hinting will work as men's thought processes work differently to womens.

It's hard, but find something else to preoccupy your mind.  Somehting will happen to bring it back to the forefront again, but only fleetingly if you basically get on with your life.


AntonetteSurprised

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pl8grl7298 Posts : 33 Registered: 3/15/07
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 10, 2007 7:57 PM Go to message in response to: stunnedb2b

I can totally relate to all of you ladies!  Me and my FH have been together for 7 years now and have actually been living together  for almost 4 years. 

We are high school sweethearts and after graduating highschool all of our friends were getting married or having children.  So we had a heart to heart and discussed what we wanted and we made a promise to one another that we would wait until we both got our bachelor's degree before getting engaged.  Well now its five years later and he's graduating (I graduated 1 1/2 before him) YAY!  He actually proposed early b/c he just couldn't wait!!

So to all you girls who have been with your BF for a while have patience and maybe have a heart to heart with him.  Tell him how you feel about him and listen to him in return. 

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JodiMarie Posts : 185 Registered: 3/5/07
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 13, 2007 10:04 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married and neither of you is wrong. I think if you didn't want to get married after 5 years then I would be questioning what is wrong.

Your situtation sounds exactly like mine and the poisition that I was in a year 1/2 ago. My FI and I had been dating exclusively for 5 years as well. We had a very loving, trusting relationship, people would always tell us we were the best couple they knew and we should get married. My family was wondering after 2 years why we hadn't considered marriage yet and after 5 they were actually starting to look down on my FI. I was also wondering where our relationship was going and how much longer I was going to let things continue.

My breaking point finally came right after Christmas of 05, his older brother ended up getting engaged to his girlfriend. This really upset me, because they had been going out for alot less time and they have a very unstable and unhealthy relationship. His girlfriend ended up getting pregnant 2-3 wks after dating, then he left for the military, they cheated on each other more than once, she spent 22,000 of his money and actually closed out his bank account while he was away. They sat around for 3 years and then finally got engaged. That was it for me, I was like they have done everything wrong under the sun but yet somehow they're engaged. What's wrong with me....

Even though I wanted to have a dream poprosal I was more worried about where my life was going. I took matters into my own hands and point blank asked him what we were doing? and where we were going? He told me the idea of marriage scared him and he didn't know if he was ready? It finally came down to a point where I said look you have to either p*** or get off the pot. It either happens soon or I may have to move on. As much as I loved him I had to face the fact that I could just be wasting my time.

This did spawn a agrument in which I went to my parents for three days (our only true arguement). He finally confessed that he had been thinking of marriage and had wanted to get me a ring for Christmas but wasn't able to afford it yet. He also wanted to surprise me and was a little upset that I had ruined it. He then promised me that we would be engaged by the summer and that he didn't want to hear anything more about it, because he still wanted to surprise me.

Thankfully we did get engaged July 6 last year. It wasn't exaclty the way I had always pictured it, but in hindsight who cares, its not the most important thing.

I would say if your truly worried about it, talk to your boyfriend and tell him your feelings. Then be patient. Sometimes men need a little push.

Jodi :0) 


Wedding will be Sept 29, 2007, only 6 months to go!! 

 Please take a look at my albums for my wedding ideas!

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sposabella Posts : 49 Registered: 4/22/07
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 22, 2007 5:12 PM Go to message in response to: Shema

Your situation sounds similar to mine. I was with my bf for 2 years and he still hadn't proposed. It was weird because we had talked about marriage and kids all time for the first 18 months of our relationship. We moved in together after a year even though I had vowed never to move in with a man before marriage. It just felt so right, and I knew he wanted to marry me... Fast forward to our 2 year anniversary. I asked him flat out if we were getting married and he started acting very vague and wishy washy about it. Gave me lots of excuses. When I pressed him for a direct answer he said he just wasnt 100 percent sure he wanted to marry me, which was news to me because I thought we had the perfect relationship. To make a long story short I decided that I wouldn't live with, date, or sleep with a man who wouldnt commit to me and I moved out of the house (back to my parents) within 24 hours of that conversation. I stayed true to my convictions by not seeing him after we broke up, even though it was torture. I wanted him to see what life without me would feel like. Within 2 months he called to say that I was the one for him. I dont know if this will work for you but I can say from experience that cohabiting is dangerous if you want to get married. I know it works fine for some people but more often than not guys will settle for just living with you if you don't make it clear that nothing less than marriage will do. Presently your boyfriend doesn't have much incentive to marry you. He already has the benefits of being married without the commitment so he feels no need to marry you. It's like the old saying goes...Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free. I know, old fashioned but true.

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FALLbrideINLOVE Posts : 1,056 Registered: 3/30/07
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Apr 23, 2007 7:59 AM Go to message in response to: sposabella

i agree with bella completely.

 

i don't believe living with a guy is gonna get him closer to marriage, i think it will make him cool his jets even more!

 

my FH proposed to me after only a year and i know that part of it was the hope for a home and a family. we have a very close relationship and he can stay with me or i would stay with him overnight but i made it absolutely clear that i would not cohabitate because i wanted a marriage (at some point).

 

i would have waited (glad i didn't have to!) 2 years max. there are so many guys that just don't want to commit, always have an excuse, and after it is dragging on so long it can't feel good when it actually happens.

 

when i met my FH i knew right then that i was going to marry him. i just did. every day after that was just a matter of waiting for that ring!  :)



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