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Is it me or is it him?

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Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 1, 2006 2:04 AM

I have a dilemma right now... sort of. I have been with my BF for almost 5 years now... much longer than any couple we know. Well, a few years ago, I started thinking about the M word. I started to really want it. We are both young, however, still in school, but we're living together and it's working out really well. We have such a great relationship that people we know asks me why we havent tied the knot yet. Well, I'm too traditional and I want HIM to ask me the question, not the other way around. I have hinted at him a thousand times about wanting to get married...etc. but every time, he seems to avoid the subject.  He doesn't want to talk about it beacause he says "it'll bring bad luck" and I know he's thinking about it, but it has been a LONG time.  We have so much fun together...I just don't understand the problem. Is it me or is it him? I wonder if it's wrong of me to want to get married to someone I've been with for almost 5 years...I think it's torture to make a girl wait this long. I have found out that he's planning to do it sometime, but I don't know when. Not knowing kills me... is it bad to want to make it official?

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 1, 2006 7:09 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Of course it is not bad to want to make it official, and the problem is neither one of you. If you have been together for five years you should be able to openly ask him about it. Let me give you my situation, maybe it will help. Me and my FH are highschool sweethearts, we started dating in the 9th grade. I am 22 now and still in college. He is a welder so he is already done with all of his schooling. He proposed to me a little over 2 months ago, we have been together for 8 years! So trust me when I say I know how you feel. So why did he wait so long? We always talked about getting married and when we did, we talked about wanting to get married on our anniversary (which is in November). I graduate next August, so I will be finished with school when we get married. So why did he wait so long? He wanted me to be finished with school. He wanted us to be in the right place in our lives before we got married. I agreed with him, we had discussed this, so I knew it would not happen until the time was right for the both of us. I also wanted him to ask me, so, even though we did talk about getting married and things about our wedding and marriage, I never pushed the issue of getting engaged, I let him decide on that. And when it did happen, it was romantic, and a surprise! So maybe you could talk to him, find out how he feels about being married, but avoid the engagement talk, does that make sense? I know it is hard to wait, it was hard for me too! But trust me when I say that the surprise of it was so worth it!

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 1, 2006 8:20 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I would give it a little more time, you have 3 major holidays approaching and it could be any one of them. His not wanting to talk about it could be a decoy to throw you off of track, men don't want women to know when they are going to pop the question, it takes all the fun and excitement away from them......sometimes! But then again he may not want to do it, during the obvious major holidays that are approaching. You never know he could be trying to save up for the perfect ring that he has found for you.


 D.S.......KissSoon to be Mrs. Stovall on MAY 26, 2007!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how to put the ticker on, so this is it....lol

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AshBear21 Posts : 12 Registered: 9/5/06
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 4, 2006 8:10 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am in the same situation right now. I have been dating my b/f for 4 and half years. I talk about marriage all the time and so does he. The only problem is he is in paramedic school right now and I am in school for a teaching degree. I really want to make it official but he unfortunately does not have the funds for my dream ring right now. It's so frustrating to find out that other ppl are getting engaged before me. I am like "When is it going to be my turn?" So I know how you feel, I keep hoping that he will surprise me during Christmas or any other major holiday. lol! Hang in there, I'm sure it will be soon!  

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 5, 2006 10:37 AM Go to message in response to: AshBear21

I felt like my fiance would never come around. He wanted to feel like he was not pressured in ANY way and that the decision to get married was when he was ready. It was hard to wait. He propsed after 5 1/2 years. The good news is that now he is completely comfortable and very excited about the whole thing. He is playing a huge part in the planning process. He also said afterward that he waited because he wanted the proposal to be on a special date and for me to be completely surprised. I am glad I didn't push it. He went from not being willing or able to talk much about getting married, to now wanting to talk about marriage and the up coming wedding all the time. It feel perfect.

"Love is friendship set to music."

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 5, 2006 11:24 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Let me just say to all you brides that have had to wait.... I must give you props! I had to wait 2 1/2 years and it killed me..... I was at the point in my life where I was ready for a change.... I wanted to go to school or get married.... Yes I know I should have gone to school first but I have some medical issues that are holding me back. I would cry to my FH all the time, telling him that I was in a rutt and felt like I was going no where.... Well then I told him that I was going to start the new year off with a plan of some sort.... whatever it was going to be, I wasn't sure at the time I just knew it was going to be somethin! Well FH has known for almost a year when he was going to give me a ring..... but still gave me NO HOPE! He saw me cry and get upset and said nothing.... When the day finally came that he popped the question, I told him I had no idea and he told me "I know and thats what I loved about it" So even though he knows you are ready for it and want to talk about it but he seems to be unwilling to talk about it..... just let him be.... Like everyone has said the holidays are coming... and he could just want it to be a TOTAL suprise! GOOD LUCK!


R & T

July 7, 2007

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 8, 2006 12:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know how you feel. I'm not offically engaged, but I'm allowed to look at things and do the prepareing to plan, But not say we're engaged. We've been together for 5 1/2 years, living together for 2 years and have a 14 months old son.

Mine says he's working on it and I have to be patient, but it sucks to go to weddings and hear a million times, "Oh you're not married yet?" "Why are you guys married?" "When are you getting married?" Or just visiting with family and they want to know when it's coming up. I feel stupid just saying I don't know, because I do, it'll be June 22, 2008 if he'll just get off is ass and ask already. Then it sucks when he "Jokes" saying we're not. I want to smack him and scream at him. It makes me look even stupider when I say I know the date and he said ok to me, but then not to everyone else. It's soooo frustrating, but guys are dumb. What can you do, you can't live with and you can't shoot themLaughing


http://tickers.TickerFactory.com/ezt/d/4;10716;6/st/20080622/e/My+Wedding/k/ca48/event.png

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LizS Posts : 1,982 Registered: 3/30/06
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 11, 2006 11:12 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Maybe he wants to make sure you are the right one for him.  Maybe he feels as if he is too young and not yet quite mature enough.  Don't force the situation & it will happen when it happens.  Or, maybe he is just saving up enough money for the PERFECT ring for you.  Since you are still in school finances are probably tight and he just wants to make sure he gets you something you will love forever!

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 11, 2006 2:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I am going through the same exact thing right now. you just have to be patient because when it does happen, you want it to be exciting, not " finally", you know. I know a girl that was with her BF for 11YEARS and she would give him deadlines, but never follow through.  So he knew that she would never leave him.  I really don't reccomend it. 

When I talk to my BF about just getting engaged, he kinda checks out also.  I think its a guy think, really.  Sometimes you just have to bring them to the mall with you and lok at rings, and put the idea in his head.

you guys are both in school- maybe he can't afford to buy you a ring right now?

Don't worry- if you  can recognize that you have a healthy relationship, then it will come in time :)

 

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 27, 2006 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I was in the EXACT same situation as you.  We were together for 5 1/2 years and for much of that time he had said that he could see himself marrying me.  I waited through major holiday after major holiday, but nothing.  When I actually brought it up to discuss he would shy away from the conversation or just change the subject, but he would always look at me afterwards and tell me he wanted me to always be with him.  I got tired of waiting, so back in April I went out early, bought a wedding band for him and token little ring for me and I came home and I asked him.  His response was not flat out yes, it was "was there ever a doubt in your mind?"  When you have been together for that long marriage is just an assumed step and the romance and formality of the "process" gets lost.  We're getting married December 2007 and he completely surprised me for Christmas by giving me the ring I have always wanted.

Sometimes there are situations that we don't understand and there may be something in their past or some insecurity that is standing in the way.  On occasion we have to be strong for them.  That is what marriage is about...completing one another.


Gidgett2

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Hihihellobye Posts : 1 Registered: 12/25/06
Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 27, 2006 7:55 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hello everyone.

I have had a number of challenging relationships until I met my perfect match. And wow he is perfect!... I have not been in the waiting list of marriage for 5 or 10 years, so all I can give you is advise that might help you if you choose to let it.

Getting married is a wonderful thing. However, it should not be something that you want and can`t wait to... that something that you want should be the life that you have together with you man, that something you can`t wait to should be the future that you will build together with him. The marriage in itself is a civil contract, but not really anymore because, after 5 years of living together, you do have financial obligations to each other. It`s the romance of the marriage what girls dream of, and I for one am very happy about the upcoming wedding!... But I always keep in mind that this is a detail, because the important thing is that I have him and he has me.

I think what I am trying to tell you is that you can lay back and relax, and enjoy. Because it won`t be different between you when you are married, even when the proposal will be romantic, the planning exciting and the dream day a dream... The important thing is that he loves you. That you love him. If you are good with each other, you could go all your lives without saying "I do" aloud. You are already married in heart, and that is the only place it is important to be so.

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 28, 2006 9:00 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I can completley relate to how you are feeling. My fiance and I were together for 4 years this past October and everytime I brought up the subject he did the normal guy thing and pretended like I hadn't said anything or changed the subject. But just this past Christmas he asked and I was SO surprised. This is the first really serious relationship he's ever been in, so it was a big step for him. So your b/f may be feeling the same way. The best advice I can tell you is to just be patient with him. If you've talked about it a little and you know he's thinking about it, then give him time. You will want to be surprised! Everything that is meant will happen in it's own time, even if it's not the same as our time schedule! GOOD LUCK!Wink

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Dec 29, 2006 1:41 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I could understand your frustration...the best thing to do is to keep communication about what you want...and that you feel ready...and hear him out..and see where you two can meet in between regarding the situation

Wedding Dress Images
I can't decide which style to get!

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Jan 2, 2007 2:01 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

dont know how to help?? sorry

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Re: Is it me or is it him?
Posted: Jan 12, 2007 9:34 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Ugh I seriously feel for you!  My fiance and I dated over 5 and a half years before he proposed in August this summer.  He and I talked about it before hand from time to time, but after a while he began to avoid the subject.  He tells me now because it made him upset, because he couldnt really afford it (we are also students) even though he REALLY wanted to and that he wanted it to be a surprise when he decided to. 

I say if you know your guy is at least thinking about it, leave it at that for a while.  It is hard to afford it while still in school.  I know its so hard because after so long your are just like lets get the show on the road. haha My advice just enjoy being together and soon enough you will be engaged.  Good luck!  

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