Hi everyone! I've been asked to lead a session (a girl-talk type thing) for young women, late teens and early 20's, about waiting for "the one." I've talked to a lot of the girls already, and many of them say they have never been in a relationship before and feel like if it hasn't happened by now, it's never going to happen. The girls are all pretty young but they already feel like they're never going to find anyone!
I'm just looking for any advice you would like to offer about how to get through the waiting period. I'm sure a lot of people have felt this way before getting into a good relationship so I would like to get some different perspectives from different women to share with them. Thanks for your help!
First, Id say look at single-dom as the opportunity to explore and try anything you want. Right now, you have the ability to pick up and go... even take extended weekends... with no responsibilities to anyone but yourself! Who knows, that might be how you meet "the one" ???
In the meantime, work on being a confident, self-sufficient , highly accomplished woman. Dont settle for just anyone. KEEP YOUR STANDARDS VERY HIGH!!!! You are an outstanding catch... You deserve the same!
Hi, this is a post I just had to comment on. In my family and group of friends it is common to get married young. Many highschool sweethearts. So that I am 25 and not engaged is causing some concern among friends and family. Now I have met the one, but we are waiting a little to get engaged. This is what I know.
1) The one cannot be "the one" until you are the one you want to be.
2) How can anyone depend on you, if you aren't happy and can depend on yourself.
3)What I have done with my life could not have been done if I had gotten married at 20. I have my undergrad, I am working towards my masters, I have a great job, good friends, Ivolunteer, and now I have a boyfriend.
4) When you commit to something commit to it 100%. Do the things you want now, live your dreams.
5) Why do you want to be married? This is my biggie. Up until now if I was honest, i wanted the wedding, the security of not having to date, the security of knowing that someone loved me enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with me. Notice it is all about me, focus on me. Now it is more because he makes me better, he wants it (I do to, but I wouldnt' force it) and I want to spend my life with him.
Marriage is about two people, not the wedding, not the honeymoon, but every day before and after that. It changes a lot of things, so live and become you, and let life be about me while you are single, becuase it can't be when you are married.
never the bride, always a bridemaid...or a groomswoman....and totally thrilled to help my friends.
Waited 37 yrs for the right guy. Took me that long to get my life together.
I echo the other posters. Being single is about REALLY getting to know yourself, learning how you react to things and why and how you relate to other people. It's also about learning what you really what out of life and out of a partner.
ALSO marriage is not about finding the right person, but about being the right person.
I have no advice how to handle the difficulty of the wait. I hated people telling me that I would get there eventually and how I would forget how hard it is to wait. So I would not say that to anyone else.
The girls will not want to hear this, but they are so young. There are so many changes they are going to go through. I'm talking about maturing. But it's the age where they are sure they have things all figured out.
Now, I am not saying that a girl can't know what she wants and find a husband young, just that if they don't, it's not such a big deal and leaves them with great freedom and allows them to become independent.
As far as waiting for sex... I didn't and wish I had. While I do not regret any of the relationships I have had, FH waited and I kind of feel like he is getting cheated (he does not feel this way... what a guy!)
Hope this helps. As far as getting through the waiting... use the time to inprove and get to know yourself.
Good luck with your talk! Let us know how it goes.
I married young and I think that is a mistake many people make. While DH and I are very happy we were lucky to find at a young age what takes many people many years to come across. I think lots of people get married just to be married or because they feel "it's time" instead of really looking at the person they're with. DH and I are together because we make each other better people and we encourage and support each other in all things while at the same time offering our opinions to each other. We have a relationship based upon respect, which is very important, and we don't just tell each other what the other wants to hear. We may not like the advice we give each other but we know that we can be honest about our feelings and ideas without the other being upset with us because we don't whole-heartedly agree with them. I would tell those women to enjoy their time being single and travel and make friends and work on their education (that has been the biggest challenge for me since we got married and I do wish I had finished my degree before getting married). Tell them that they should take their time and make sure the person they are marrying listens to them and respects their opinion and takes their thoughts into consideration when making decisions. As a military wife I see lots of young wives around me who do everything for their husbands and nothing for themselves. Marriage isn't solely about making the other person happy it's about making both of you happy.
I am 36 and getting married for the first time. I definately found 'the one' for me. At least once a week, one of us comments on how lucky we were to have found each other. But, it wasn't just a matter of not finding each other until now. If we had met before we were 30, I probably never would have even dated him. He was an immature, bratty playboy.
One of the things I find amazing about him is how easy he is to be with. With every previous boyfriend, I would want to spend time alone. With him, I do stuff without him, but it is because it is something I really want to do, not to get away.
I came close to getting married twice before. With hindsight, I am thankful that neither happened.