I need to get some imput from some other gals in the same place I'm in now. I love my guy but I've somewhat put the stoppers on things for now because of his best buddy. That my guy has been working out of town for the summer, 4 months got turned into 6, I'll admit is getting to me. We get to spend on average 4 days a month together and I get to sholder most everything that needs done at home. This is going to end next month as will my hetic hours working for tourist location. But the real problem I have (and no we haven't had hardly any time to deal with it together) is with his firends treatment of me.
These 2 guys think of themselves as almost brothers but soon after we found out about the 'out of town' job his friend had started in on boob comments. The first time I just got away from him and later told my guy and it was passed off as an he'd had a few beers and it just came out type of thing. Ok I can take anything once...but it happened again. Just a little dropped hint, I got a nice chest. Then came one day I was around, the friends own a ranch that we help out with on top of my job, I was bummed out doing my laundry and he suggested that I "run naked thru the sprinklers" In a wink, wink kinda way maybe I'd end up with the guys chasing me. Ick, I got away got my laundry and was out of there and avoided being around him unless my honey was around. There was an I wanna read your shirt comment that came with hand jestures of the chest grabbing style. Any way the friend got mad at me about something else and brought up that I avoid him now...so I spilt that all the months of comments about my body with the man I'm going to marry is your best friend and out of town really creep me out and he acts like I'm the crazy one...though he could joke around with me. I had to tell him that it wasn't joking around to me I am a rape survivor and comments or actions like that will never be welcomed. I normally cope really well but my body as a sex objects is not in any way acceptable, I wouldn't want to just be a walking set of boobs to someone anyway. Well my job offers dorms and I got one so I don't have to be around him alone anymore but I'm going to marry his best friend. Who even after I talked to my guy about it when he was home and the rest of everything got smothed out (for them/not me) all of the sexual coments were never even brought up.
Am I wrong to want the man I'm going to marry to say to his friend that he doesn't want me treated like that, that it makes me uncomfortable and that he won't put up with it. I just want him to stand up for me about something that is so important to me because I need him too because it's too hard for me be around this guy until he does that. I've felt like I'm just a walking chest out there...I even had started wearing bras that made my look smaller when ever I was around. Of course Tim had been gone all this time and hasn't seen what's been going on, I still just think it's sick for his friend to start this as soon as he was going to be gone a lot. Any way my solution for now is that I will not set a date for the wedding until this is dealt with. This friend is going to be around for a long time and I don't feel safe anywhere near this guy anymore and to deal with that forever would drive me crazy. Any ideas or thoughts....and thank you for listening which I think is what I needed more than anything.
Your not wrong to want your FH to stand up for you and he should. I'm not saying he needs to be rude to his best friend or pick a fight but just say something like "You know, so and so told me about some comments you were making and it made my fiancee really uncomfortable. She's been through a lot and it would mean a whole lot to me if you wouldn't make those kinds of comments to her, it really makes her uncomfortable". FH and I had this problem with one of our roommates. We had let him stay with us because he was out of a place to live and we had all gone to high school together and we felt bad for him. Well, he had liked me back in high school but I wasn't interested and I guess his crush never really went away. FH used to work nights and just the way our roommate would act when FH wasn't there made me uncomfortable so I avoided my own house. Finally I told FH, I didn't want to make a big deal of it but I was sick of never feeling like I could go home. FH talked to our roommate and just said "Stef's really not happy with the way you're acting. If you could tone it down a bit I would really appreciate it and so would she". The roommate got the point and he acted much better around me for the sake of all of our friendships. Explain to your FH that this behavior really makes you unhappy and that it just gets to you more now after what you went through. Sometimes men don't realize that their comments have a larger effect and we don't take them quite the same as they do.
mmmmmmmmmm.... this is a tough one. I think you are right for not wanting to set a date until this is dealt with. The man you are about to marry should defend you at all costs... to anyone... even if youre wrong! lol I am an idealist though.
But seriously, this is a major major issue. He should definitely be sticking up for you for something so personal as this. This goes on where I work alllllll the time, and I deal with it like you, quietly avoiding it as much as possible. There are a lot of sick people out there.
Im sorry I cant give you any advice as to what to do next, but we are here for you, and will listen anytime! Good luck sweetie.
Posted: Oct 27, 2006 12:25 PMGo to messagein response to: serendipity3033
Thank you for the replys I just needed someone to listen to me. I know his friend deep down is a good guy but also a spoilt brat that expects everyone to help him and let him use their stuff. I just want Tim to say that I'm not of the list of things he can borrow and just leave me alone. I'm willing to help them out when I can but not when I'm getting chewed out over things or feel like I am the next thing he wants to use. Other part of the problem is he's got his own girl (and daughter with her) and this has caused her to get nasty with me....hence the getting chewed out about other things. But Tim is coming home this weekend and I'll get to see him some and maybe we can work out a way where at least I can be around these people with out feeling like I'm walking into an enemy camp....until then I guess everything is on hold.