Get married now, wedding later?

Online Users: 1,316 guest(s), 1 user(s). Replies: 4
Guest
Get married now, wedding later?
Posted: Oct 7, 2006 4:11 PM

Heres the situation, my fiance and I haven't been together for very long before talking about marriage. Now we're engaged and feel so sure about evrything. Thing is, my parents dont really approve of this. They think we should wait for a long time before we get married. We are both in the military, living in dorms, we cant really move out until we're married. Cool thing about being married tho is that we recieve more money when your married. Also I will be having a major surgery on my ankle that may get me discharged from the military and so if that happens then I would more or less have to go back home, three states away. We were thinking that we should just go get married at the justice of the peace, get our marriage license, move into a house on base (free) get situated, save money that we will be getting more of and having the wedding in a year. I'm just scared on how my parents will react. But to be honest I'm not really caring to much. We're happy and feel so sure of ourselves about everything. Any advice on that? 
WinkAFbride!

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Guest
Re: Get married now, wedding later?
Posted: Oct 7, 2006 4:59 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi, I did the same thing you're talking about. My husband is in the Army and we got married at JP when he had leave and now we're planning our larger wedding (will happen in 3 weeks). First, your post worries me because the first thing you mention is BAH. You don't automatically get more money when you're married, you must be living off-post and not in the barracks in order to receive BAH. How long have you known each other? I'm not going to say that just because you haven't been dating for X amount of time your marriage won't be a good one because that's just not true. There are plenty of couples in my husband's company that got married early and have great marriages. Also, if you live on post you won't receive BAH so the "free" living comes at a price of the extra money. You only get one or the other. You get a little extra money for food and necessities but that's only $250. So that addresses the whole "extra money" situation and the misconceptions behind it. The second thing is your discharge. We've been through this too but we appealed and my husband was allowed to stay enlisted. This will put a huge strain on any relationship, but especially a new one. Frankly, I think just from your post you have a lot of misconceptions about the benefits the military offers for married individuals. There really aren't that many of them. Yes, you get a little extra money but if you plan to live in "free" on-post housing it's only an extra $250 per month. If you live off-post than any money you're receiving for housing is going to go towards your rent, utilities, etc. I think you may want to take your parents' advice and wait to see what happens with your surgery and such. Don't rush into something just because you're afraid that you'll have to move several states away (plenty of people carry on long-term relationships and if you are committed it will work, my husband and I were not married when he left for basic but had been together for a year. I waited for him to finish training and then we got married so we were sure we could live together, as well as apart). I'm not saying you have to wait forever but it's easier to get into a marriage than to get out and since my husband joined the Army we have seen many of his friends go through mistake marriages that they either rushed into or just didn't work because of the amount of time that you spend apart.

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Guest
Re: Get married now, wedding later?
Posted: Oct 8, 2006 11:00 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi! Let me first say I think it's perfectly ok to get married at the JP and have a wedding later, I know plenty of people that have done it, but in most cases, it was because of an emergency or out of necessity. You have to ask yourself if you're getting married for the right reasons. I agree that so many people have misconceptions about military benefits, and quite a few individuals in the military want to get married to take advantage of whatever extra benefits there are. At the end of the day, you have to be true to yourself. The other thing is, long distance relationships are sometimes the best way to test your relationship, and what better time than an engagement. If you guys can survive that, then you know you're making the right decision. My fiancee and I live a 10 hour drive from each other, and we see each other about 1 a month, but everytime we part, we count down the days until we're back living together in May. By that time, we would have had a long distance relationship for 2 years, and had dated 4 years before me moving away. Again, just ask yourself what you really want, and remember, you can only please yourself at the end of the day. Besides, if you guys really feel getting married now is the right thing, then go ahead, the importance is the marriage, and whether its at a JP or a castle, the life you share after is what you should be thinking about most. Hope this helps
wedding ticker

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Guest
Re: Get married now, wedding later?
Posted: Oct 9, 2006 9:22 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Good luck with everything.  My fiancé and I are going to solenmize our own vows early next year (Colorado doesn't require an officiant at a civil ceremony) with just my parents and god-parents present, and then have a big wedding in two or three years.  He's from Ireland, so I'm having to petition the government for a specific visa to permit him to come here and marry me.  We have no idea how long it's going to take for it to be approved.  Some are done in two months, some take seven or more.  There is no way to plan a wedding when we don't know what date he'll be back in the country!  Plus, this way we can save more money, and his family will have time to save up for the trip over here (they all want the excuse to visit the US).  I'm really excited about doing it this way, too, because I get to have the 'oh my god I'm engaged/spending the rest of my life with this man' jitters now, without the stress of planning an event.  Then, when it comes time, I'll be planning the event with my husband, not my fiancé, we'll already be married, and so the nervousness about the commitment won't be there.  That also makes a huge difference for him. Final note, a good friend of mine just married her military man.  They did a civil ceremony about three months before their wedding, and she said it was so nice to already have a lot of the details like name changes, tax info, and insurance already figured out so that they didn't have it hanging over them when they came back from their honeymoon.Best of luck!

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Guest
Re: Get married now, wedding later?
Posted: Oct 10, 2006 4:23 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Ok FH and I are both AF, we bought a house off base, we decided to wait because, we will be headed down range pretty soon, we will make more money if we were single than if we were married.  We would loose out on the BAH, since he's a Master and I am Staff we would get his BAH.   

Also you do not need to be married in the AF to get out of the dorms, you two can get an apartment and EACH recieve BAH if you have a roof over your head the AF will pay for it.  but if you get married and move to Base houseing, it can be a hella long wait and who ever is the lower ranking will see a drop in your paycheck, because they will have lost their BAH.

Seriously, if I were you, wait to have your ankle fixed, because you know as well as I know, their is nothing less important then a spouse, especially and spouse that got out.  My BM's husband is a Capt and at the hospital she is treated like a second class citizen.  Fix yourself first, and then make him wait on you hand and foot Laughing 

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