Please Help - Engaged and Confused

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 9, 2006 2:34 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Sweetheart settle down, I know EXACTLY what you are going through, and what it is think back to when you first started dating FH, HOT HOT HOT guys were coming out of the woodwork, and you felt like Samantha from Sex in the city during fleet week, from all the attention.  It just so happens that when you solidify that commentment the sailors come back!!!!  I got it too after I got engaged, but then I sat down and thought about it my "feelings" were attractions through and through.  At that time I was thinking of how FLIPPIN' GREAT first kisses are, and ok I'll admit it how "good" he might be, and that it was all so new, and exciting and I haven't had that attention in a while.  When in reality, when I sat myself down, I never lost my game to flirt, and draw them near, I caught my catch already, why do I need to pull out the feminine wilds to catch someone else. 

It just the excitment of someone new you know where your heart belongs, but on the same token, it is also up to you to draw a line on where the flirting stops, keep in mind if FH finds out he will prob be hurt, as well as old friend who thinks your really into him regardless of who you have at home 

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 9, 2006 11:28 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I too have been in a similar situation.  After I started dating FH, THE guy from my past told me that his engagement had broken up and he was thinking about me again.  He was overseas at the time, so we agreed to just stay friends until he got back.  Meanwhile, things were going great with the guy I was dating (duh).  But I never told FH and it was a HUGE strain on me.  Well, when my friend got back, I went to see him.  We hung out for a while and did a lot of talking and I realized that the feelings I was having for him were partly the memories of dating him, partly the excitement of the idea of getting him back (he left me), and partly the amazement at the attention.  When I really thought about it, I realized that FH and I are so much more compatible, and my friend has changed so much that I know now that we never would have made it.  

 

Sit down by yourself and really think about this.  As others have said, you HAVE to be honest with yourself.  Think about this great guy you are engaged to, and why you think he will be a good husband and father.  Think about the guy you are flirting with.  Nothing against him, since I don't know him...but if he is willing to flirt with an engaged woman, would he still flirt as an engaged/married man?  I wish you the best of luck with this.  I know how hard it is.   

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 9:32 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think the issue is, you have held on to a crush for the other guy for so long. imagining in your mind what you would do if you saw him again? Would he like me is he saw me today? Would we get together? Would we even get married? While you were all along moving on with your life. Childhood crushes should stay there unless you have room to pursue it later on in life. You don't have room any longer you are ENGAGED to be married to a man that you say you love. Love bets out a little girl crush any day. So the question is are you marrying your fh because your child hood crush didn't pan out and if so you are in for a world of trouble and heartache. We as women can't handle a man cheating how do you think men feel. You actually went out with this guy WHAT ARE YOU THINKING.... right there you unofficially broke your engagement.

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 10:04 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree completely with Kerst and many other posters, this guy from your past is probably a real jerk in disguise...be careful. Jitters are normal, acting on "feelings" isn't right if you really have a relationship meant for marriage. Best of luck to you.

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 10:25 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I do know how you feel.  After I moved in with Bill, I started working at a place and this guy kept flirting with me all the time.  Saying all the sweet things a woman wants to hear.  After me and FH had been together 4 months, he started playing video games all the time instead of spending time with me.  And if you read my profile, I didn't want a man anymore, but he wooed me with his eyes, kisses, and being Mr. Casanova.  Then I felt ignored.  So I got caught up with this guy and we started talking more.  Sometimes we had lunch, but everything was always innocent.  I knew I was doing wrong, and I still loved my FH, but I was missing the attention he used to give me.  And while my FH was at work, he worked nights, we would talk forever.  But since I had moved there a year ago, I hadn't really made any friends but the ones I knew from work.  He made me feel good about myself and sexy, which I wasn't getting from FH at that time.  But I always told the other guy that one FH proposed, we couldn't continue the talks.  I always felt so guilty, but I also felt alone.  FH worked at night, slept during the day, and I was raising his kids on my own , it felt like.  It got very stressful, and he helped me by giving me someone to talk to.  Well, since we got engaged, I told him it had to end.  I never loved him, and he knew that.  He knew about my feelings for FH.  But he was hopeful.  I tried to be friends with him, but that led to conversations and him trying to talk me into being with him.  I didn't need that pressure, and he knew how I felt.  Anyway, to make a long story a little shorter, we don't talk anymore, I wave to him if I see him, but he doesn't wave back.  But since we bought a house out of town I don't see him anymore and I  no longer work there.  It really was the best thing.  I should have done it sooner, but I missed having a friend to talk to and he was always there.  But when FH found out that I was talking to him all the time on the phone, he got mad and kicked me out for 2 days.  He thought it was more than innocent.  But he loved me so much, and trusts me, that he let me back.  And I've made sure to avoid anything that would tempt me.  Temptations will come, but if you really love your man, it will be easy to turn them away.  I never cheated, but I could have.  I just couldn't do that to my FH.  He is my world.  And if you really love him, it'll be easy to do the right thing.  It might take some time to realize what the right thing is at first, but your heart will tell you.  If it hurts you to do what your doing then it must be wrong.  If you feel guilty at all, in the slightest bit, then it's wrong.  If he was doing the same thing to you, whether you knew it or not, wouldn't you wish he wouldn't do it.  Put yourself in his shoes.  He might not ever know, but if he did, would you be ashamed...   would you still be together?

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 11:17 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I have been in a similar situation. The guy who began flirting with me when I was engaged, was my best friend. We had dated and explored the possibility of a relationship then decided to be best friends. He dated other people & so did I, but when I got serious about my fiance, he became jealous & began trying to court & date me again. I got kind of confused too at first wondering if maybe I was missing out on something with him. Then I took some time to think over what some of our issues in the past had been & remembered that his failure to commit was what kept us from having a successful relationship in the past.

Men are also territorial honey. Even with the sweetest & nicest of guys, thier natural instinct is to hunt & conquer. This guy probably see's you as conquered territory...a challenge & is trying to see how much ground he can take. If he does get you to cave in, he'll lose interest quick because for him it was all about the game. 

I know marriage is a big step, but it's no easy step for the men either. The man who is offering to share his life & future with you is not something to take lightly. I hope what I have to say helps you in some way.

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 11:40 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Ya know, I felt like i had this strong crush and all. But I am still planning the wedding and luv my FH. So I was real confused. I made a promise not to see this guy out again. And no I never went to see him by hisself. I was always with my friends. Like I said he was a friend of a friend. But there I was bumping into him like twice more. Funny thing is he kept being flirtatious but I kept finding things out about him. I am so happy I saw him out again. I found out we are not alike at all. I mean he mentions that he doesn't want kids and is anti religious/anti God. Well that was a major no go for me. I mean FH and I want a big family and though I don't really go to church any more I still beleive in something and so does FH. I think I was just feeling stressed and worn down. Plus my planning has been so tough for FH and I since we are paying for the whole thing. I guess I hadn;t gotten lots of attention like some of you girls said and I was feeling a bit lonley. Well I feel so much better about everything. I am excited about next month so much. I feel kind of silly but at least I wont be unprepared if I see someone else that likes me too.I guess its normal to find some one else attractive, but no one can replace the bond that my FH and I have together. Thanks for helping me work threw thisSmile

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 11:47 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, I can honestly say that I would follow your heart.  Be true to yourself before you walk down the aisle.  Maybe you need a vacation by yourself to clear your head and decide what's best for you.  But, don't string on your FH.  That's not good for you or for him.  If you have made it clear to this person from high school that you are getting married, he should keep that in mind when you guys hang out.  If he isn't aware of that, then it's not worth the heartache to "flirt" with him.  You'll just end up getting hurt in the end.

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 1:09 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I'm so glad we were able to help.  Congrats and I wish you the best.

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 6:02 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

First of all, its probably not the best idea to be hanging out with a bunch of girls that are going to go meet guys. That will do nothing but cause problems. Now do you have a crush on this guy like ah hes kinda cute? or you actually have feelings for him? You shouldnt be going back around this guy to keep any flirting from going on anyway unless you have intentions of being with him or somthin and calling off your wedding. If it were me, I just wouldnt be going back out w/the girls when I knew that someone who flirted with me all the time would be there. Good Luck

Maggie 

Getting Married to Brandon, Dec. 2, 2006 

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 6:04 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

sorry, I was just reading back over my post and it sounds kinda grumpy... I wasnt trying to sound that way Cool

Maggie 

Getting Married to Brandon, Dec. 2, 2006 

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 10:11 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Do NOT get married. There is no confusion. I was engaged a few years ago to my long -time boyfriend. We had dated for 5 years and were engaged for two before I was able to realize that I wasn't in love with him. Took a while right? Well I have moved on and found my soulmate and there is NOTHING better. Pay attention to the signs before you and move on. It isn't fair to you or him. How do you think you'd feel if the shoe was on the other foot? What goes around comes around girl. Think hard and the best of luck!

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Guest
Re: Please Help - Engaged and Confused
Posted: Oct 18, 2006 11:29 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Ladies, I hate to sound rude, but do anyof you read the prior posts she said that she came to her senses and no longer speaks to or goes around this guy anymore.   I am soory if this sound harsh, but I am in a mood were I cannot stand the beating of a dead horse. 

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