Problems with FH

Online Users: 1,307 guest(s), 0 user(s). Replies: 61
Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 12:42 PM Go to message in response to: RMB0414

"I like to scrapbook, they look to shoot things out of their vaginas." 

 

 

That just cracked me up...



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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 12:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Just because some of you can't imagine that women were in that bar doesn't mean that they weren't there or that they're prostitutes. Good grief, if you ladies can't "trust" your FH's to go out and have a good time without thinking that sex is involved or that something will go wrong then what does that say about you. He's coming home to you and loves you. And I'm not saying that if he screws someone and comes home to you, that it's ok either. But, dang it's just a form of entertainment, regardless if you agree with it or not.

 

 

 


D.S......KissSoon to be Mrs. Stovall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 12:46 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think that whats going on here are a few different emotions. One you were stuck at home and he was out having fun watching what you thought was disgusting. You were probably thinking that you really didnt know that your FH would be interested in something like that, which got you thinking, is there something else you didnt exactly know about him that would be worse. I dont think it would be that one situation that would make you not marry him its the fear of not knowing him. and also the fact you were a little pissed.. overreacting.. maybe.. but its probably has a deeper root than you are evaluating.

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 1:33 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

If you had just canceled the wedding I'd say you were overreacting. But if this upsets you this much, you have a right to think about whether it's a big deal before pursuing the marriage. My FH doesn't go to those clubs, in large part because he thinks its creepy weird to engage in sexual fantasy play with someone who's only doing it to put food on the table for her kids, to pay for school, or because she was abused, or all of the above. But it's also that he knows it would really bother me and he respects that. I do think Simvall makes a valid point in that this is Thailand, and there may have been some let's see what all the fuss is about influencing his decision to go. I have a couple friends that are into strip clubs, and although I love them very much, I couldn't tolerate it from someone I was in a relationship with. Your FH should have discussed it with you before going. I don't think you are out of line for wanting to think about and discuss with your FH why this upsets you. 

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 1:41 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

***

Just because some of you can't imagine that women were in that bar doesn't mean that they weren't there or that they're prostitutes. Good grief, if you ladies can't "trust" your FH's to go out and have a good time without thinking that sex is involved or that something will go wrong then what does that say about you. He's coming home to you and loves you. And I'm not saying that if he screws someone and comes home to you, that it's ok either. But, dang it's just a form of entertainment, regardless if you agree with it or not.

***

But if it's a form of entertainment that the OP finds so distasteful, it becomes an issue in their relationship.

 

I'll be perfectly blunt. I don't think it's 'just' a form of entertainment. That's what people used to say about bear baiting or other 'entertainment' like that.

 

 

I think the notion of women shooting ping pong balls out of their vaginas is low class, trashy behavior. It is in no way entertaining or amusing to me. It's pure trash. It's about as amusing as drinking to excess and then having a contest to see who can projectile vomit the farthest. Or men seeing who can pee in the snow the farthest. Color me boring if you must, but I just don't see that as entertaining.

 

If my FH thought vagina ping pong projectile contests were entertaining, I'd probably be questioning his taste and judgment in general. I mean we're not even talking about a strip club. We're talking using your vagina as a projectile tool. Blech.

 

And I was not in any way implying that the OP's FH had sex with a prostitute because he was in a nasty bar. I was simply stating that the average woman would not find watching naked female genitals shooting out ping pong balls a go-to form of entertainment so I'm doubting the average woman was populating that bar. And given that he was in Thailand -- one of the world's capitals for sex for hire -- makes me think those women were likely prostitutes. I really don't think I'm making some huge leap of illogic here. So the FH's argument that it was okay because there were women there is not a valid defense. What a Thai prostitute or even a Thai woman or any other woman thinks is acceptable behavior is not what the OP clearly thinks is acceptable behavior. And what he should be concerned about is what his FW thinks is okay, not any other woman.

 

Perhaps the OP is 'overreacting' to this because she's wondering if they share the same values. Perhaps it's merely a difference in taste Perhaps she just needed to vent.

 

One of life's lessons is that we all have different priorities, values and levels of tolerance. For example, I wouldn't find it acceptable to be ranked below football, basketball, baseball, golf, hunting and fishing. Bud Lite, and the tv show, "How I Met Your Mother" -- but a friend of mine does. So, hey if it works for her, that's her business. A key to a successful marriage is finding someone with whom we share common priorities and values on critical issues.

 

 

 

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ilovehim Posts : 179 Registered: 6/8/06
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 1:57 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

and you don't think they were prostitutes?  Women usually cannot even go into a strip club alone, they have to be with a man.  

and, going to a strip club......uuummmm isn't sex always involved?   

And if you are okay with your husband leaving the house with the intention of fulfilling a sexual fantasy with another woman, that doesn't mean she-or anyone else- has to be also.

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 1:58 PM Go to message in response to: 071707

I don't think that your overreacting.  I agree with ilovehim.  I don't know if I would exactly rethink the wedding, but I would definately talk to FH and let him know that it was totally inappropriate and to take your feelings into consideration when he thinks of doing something like that again.  My Fh went to a strip club about 3 yrs. ago with his brothers when we were having 'problems'....... he didn't tell me about it until I found proof of stuff.  I was pissed, but I just talked to him and he told me everything.  I still think of it sometimes, but I know that if that happens again I may not be so okay with it.  That's nasty!!  ping pongs out of their hoohas!! Sealed

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

@ilovehim- First off sex isn't "always" involved in a strip club. Second, who said that his intentions were to fulfill a sexual fantasy?

 

@Cari- And just like I stated before, it's "your opinion" that it isn't amusing to "you". And that's your right but if other people want to see that, it's theirs as well. I never stated that you implied anything, I was making a general statement.

 

 


D.S......KissSoon to be Mrs. Stovall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:27 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I personally would LOVE to have the kegel muscle strength those women do!  My FH would like it also...LOL

Just because a man goes to a strip club, it does not mean he's going there with the intention of having sex or fulfilling some sexual fantasy.  I just don't get what the big deal is over this, unless you are so insecure in your relationships with your FH's that you automatically think that strip clubs = prostitution. 

I also think that if you are comfortable with sexuality as a whole that this wouldn't be so bothersome (MY opinion ladies, I am not insinuating anything). 

Boys will be boys.

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:39 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

i've gotta agree with BridezillaRex...

 

I don't see it as a big deal at all.  It's not like he lusting after these girls or asking you to try out their trick! 

 

If he starts heading to the strip clubs regularly then there maybe an issue. - a single trip with the guys on vacation is not worth a fight.

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Soon2BTaylor Posts : 258 Registered: 6/1/06
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:40 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I agree with simvall completely! My FH used to be a coook at Hooters when i met him.  He worked there all the way through college.  Granted Hooters isn't a strip club, but what do most men go there for. 

 

 The thing is, I have always trusted FH, and maybe he did look at them, but I know he doesn't like or respect them.  He loves and respects me.  It's the same way with a strip club.  He's gone, but mostly when it was a Bach party, and once because I called him and said I wanted to go. So we went together.  It really isn't that big of a deal once you're inside.  There is definately a difference between the guys who are slobering on the stage and forking over hundreds of $, and men like my FH who sit at a table towards the back.  He is not a regular attendee of those clubs, so I know there is no "fantasy" reason for him going. He, and I, know what he has at home is 10 times better.  It's pure entertainment.

 

To that though, if you do not like it, let FH know, but try not to get so angry with him.  I've spent a lot of time sitting at the bar at Hooters waiting for FH, and the regulars were disgusting, lecherous (sp?) type people.  What you have to know is that your FH is not that guy, if it's an isolated situation, and you know he's not going behind your back to the clubs, tell him how it makes you feel, and trust that he loves and respects you enough to tell you, or not go.  Since he told you about it and laughed, he probably thought it was only entertainment. 

 

Didn't intend to make that so long...but there ya go!


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RMB0414 Posts : 1,386 Registered: 8/2/06
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I second that one .... if my FH was constantly going to strip clubs or watching/looking pornos then I woud be upset.  But "a single trip with the guys on vacation" thing ... I would not be upset.  My FH and I have a 100% committed to each other relationship and I would never second guess that.  I would never ask my FH not to attend his best/good friends bachelor party because he wasn't "allowed" to look at another girls private parts.  I trust him with my whole heart and know he would never, ever cross the line.  I don't think that sex always happens at strip clubs, actually I have no clue where I heard this the other day but someone (on tv maybe) said the safest place for your man to be is a strip club.  They have big bouncer dudes there who will throw you out if you touch another girl.  I don't kow about Thailand and their rules, but I don't think you have anything to worry about.  Especially where he told you he went.  Would you rather not have known at all?

Halfway there.... 04.14.07 I become a Mrs!!

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RMB0414 Posts : 1,386 Registered: 8/2/06
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:47 PM Go to message in response to: Soon2BTaylor

I just recently went to Hooters for the first time wtih my FH - and I do agree those regulars at the counter are nasty!!!  This one guy knew everyone's name and wouldn't leave until they all said bye to him.  I just kept quiet, drank my beer, and ate my damn chicken wings.  They were yummy. 

Halfway there.... 04.14.07 I become a Mrs!!

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:48 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Overseas, and I say this as I am married to a man who spent 20 years in the Navy....

What they consider entertainment is defined by that country, not your standards here in the States. Roles for social activity are different for men and women. 

Because your beloved shared his experience there by telling you about it, this is a good thing in the communication department.

I am with BrideZilla, I want to have that kinda muscle control!!!!!

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Guest
Re: Problems with FH
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 2:49 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Okay..... I understand how some people may think that strip clubs are morally wrong.  Personally, I trust my fiance enough that I know he can look at naked women all night long at a strip club and not have sex or do anything inappropriate with them.  I don't know how it is in Thailand (they are a lot less conservative than we are with those things), but I do know in America that you can't have sex with the strippers (strippers who have sex with the guys aren't strippers... they're prostitutes).  That is totally NOT allowed.  In a lot of places you can't even touch them without being thrown out.  My FH went to a strip club for his bachelor party and had lap dances and I had told him that I was cool with that.  It's a trust issue.... now, I agree with mrshowardtobe that if it became a regular thing it would be a problem. 

 

As far as women going to strip clubs... I've been to one with my FH in Daytona and it was kind of fun!  There weren't any ping pong balls involved and they kept their bottoms on... I was just interested because I wanted to know what goes on in there!  Women can go without guys too.. actually, I think they encourage it--when we went, women got in for free! 

 

I wouldn't call your wedding off.  At least he told you about it!  It would be worse if he was trying to hide something from you.  Talk to him about it before you do anything drastic!



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