new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.

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Guest
new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.
Posted: Sep 18, 2006 5:38 PM

Hi everyone...I'm new to these boards and need some advise. I am not yet engaged however I know it is coming...just don't know when. My bf and I had our 2nd anniversary the beginning of Sept. and everything is going great. after being together for about 6 months we pretty much knew we were meant to be together. about the beginning of 2006 both of our families started asking when we were going to get married. in about april we decided we wanted to get married may/june 2007...we plan a destination wedding so we let everyone know at this time that we plan to marry in may/june 2007....a good year ahead of time so everyone has plenty of time to save money! well, i learned last week that bf's brother and wife are pregnant with their 2nd child....of course this puts fsil due about may 15, 2007.......ARRRRR, I could just scream. No, we are not yet engaged but how do I deal with this? I kind of feel like it was done on purpose so she could "steal the stage". bf and I want their 1st child in the wedding so how do I do i deal with her being pregnant and not being able to fly? she's already told us to wait until about july so they can all go....should i have to plan MY wedding around this? am i just being selfish or would anyone else be frusterated too? i know 2 years isn't long to wait for an engagement so i am lucky there but bf will be 32 in the next month and i am 27 so we both want to start having our own children in about 2 years so its not really an option to wait another year to get married as we both want to be married for about a year before we start trying to have kids. i have been getting pretty impatient in waiting for the proposal as bf wants to start planning a wedding now but i told him that's not an option until he proposes....sorry this is so long but i am just really frusterated and would like some thoughts on how to handle this.

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5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.
Posted: Sep 20, 2006 12:51 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

WHOA, Slow down.  Remember life happens, it is impossible to plan your entire life for the next 5 years.  I am in sorta the same boat as you, not engaged yet, but bf and I know we will get married, and roughly have a date picked out....but still, the big words are WE ARE NOT ENGAGED!!!  Now it sounds like you have a lot more plans layed out than we do, but still pregnancies happen, I doubt she was trying to ruin your wedding.  I mean, it isn't like you can sit down and place an order for a baby like you do for a pizza.  they have probably been trying for a while and it just happened.  Also, she is asking you to wait a month, not another year.  And whether or not you get married a month later your bf will not still be 32 and you 27.  IMHO you are overeacting.  I don't mean this in a mean way, but life happens.  Who is to say you would even be able to have a kids in a year after your marriage, or that you will be financially stable enough.  Who is to say that life wont' happen, and something else could come up.  I doubt she was trying to steal your spotlight.  I hope everything works out and you are able to come to a satisfactory solution to your dilemma.
never the bride, always a bridemaid...or a groomswoman....and totally thrilled to help my friends.

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Guest
Re: new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.
Posted: Sep 20, 2006 2:38 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

5in3....thanks for your opinion. I realize that life happens it's just frusterating....it's good to hear that someone else is in close to the same boat as me.....fsil admitted to me yesterday that she has had "baby fever" and wasn't taking her birth control as she was supposed to so she was definitely trying to get pregnant....i know they had not been trying for a while and it just finally happened because she filed for a divorce less than 1 month ago and her husband didn't know she was trying to get pregnant...ya. she went from filing for divorce to trying to get pregnant within 30 days...crazy situation obviously. It is driving me crazy waiting for "the question" to be popped and I guess I'm blaming my frusterations on fsil. i will try to relax and take things as they come...but as most women waiting to be proposed to, it's very hard! it definitely helps to know that i'm not alone in this feeling and some how or another, we find it in ourselves to be patient. thanks again for your time and opinion...i really do appreciate it.

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Guest
Re: new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.
Posted: Sep 21, 2006 3:21 PM Go to message in response to: 5in3

I agree about no wedding planning until the ring. What is he waiting for?  When we first told everybody we were getting married in April they all were like "WHY?!" Because everyones kids are in school so alot of family(the ones i never even see) can't come. But I didn't want the wedding in the middle of HOT summer and I didn't want to wait until next fall, so Spring sounded perfect to me! And i decided no i cannot plan my wedding around other people, its my freaking wedding! But in your situation its your bf's sister, so  you have to discuss it with him. I hate sticky situations!!!

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5in3 Posts : 806 Registered: 8/15/06
Re: new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.
Posted: Sep 22, 2006 1:25 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Waiting for an engagement is the hardest thing.  I think it must be worse than waiting for a wedding, becase with the wedding you can at least plan.  I understand your pain...  I am waiting for my boyfriend to propose, and I have a while, because of all the stuff going on in our lives, but what makes it harder is that I am in 5 weddings this summer, and I am helping all of them plan their weddings.  I am thrilled to do this, but at the same time, there is that little part of me that wishes that i was able to start planning mine. 

 Good luck with your waiting, and good luck with the future SIL.  I do agree that going from filing for divorce to having a baby is a little sudden, but than I can't really judge.  God's blessings in all you do though.

 

 


never the bride, always a bridemaid...or a groomswoman....and totally thrilled to help my friends.

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Guest
Re: new here....need help understanding and dealing with situation..kinda long.
Posted: Sep 25, 2006 10:47 AM Go to message in response to: 5in3

Wow....in 5 weddings...that is a tuff one! it is so hard to be happy for others getting married when you want it to be yourself! You are a good friend to those girls...I hope they realize that! I am glad that others agree with me waiting to plan until he proposes....he doesn't understand. He is waiting to save the money to buy the ring I want.....I've told him we need to be reasonable for now and we can "upgrade" later but he's just as stubborn as I am. We found out this weekend that my bf's step-brother is now getting married in February....it's like, oh...congratulations! Now when is my man going to do that?!? I have no idea when he is going to do it but I'm having a hard time being patient, just as it seems many of you are. I guess there's nothing I can do about it unless I want to pop the question to him and he's not the type that would appreciate it if I proposed so I guess I'm pretty much stuck! I appreciate the support and wish you all the happiness life has to offer.

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