Okay, so I'm not really sure if this should go here or not... but here I go. I'm scared to have sex w/ FH! I mean, we've tried to before, but it has always been uncomfortable, and now its been such a long time since we've tried I'm scared to try again... he goes slow, we've tried different positions etc... so does anyone have any advice or has anyone had a similar experience??? Sorry if I've gone into too much detail for anyone.... any advice would be greatly appreciated... Thanks!
If I were you, I would find a female OB/GYN. This is not something to fix by trial and error, because doing the wrong thing can make it worse. Assuming you have already taken care of lubrication, the problem is that your fears/worries are making your muscles clamp down and try to 'kick him out'. There are steps to fix it, but I don't trust my memory enough to get htem right.
Not a virgin- I had sex for the first time when I was 18, and he was the only one besides my FH. It hurt then, but I figured that it was just because I was a virgin then... However I haven't done it a lot... my combined total (w/ other guy and FI) is probably at around 15-20 times... haha, and this is within a 4 yr span... I'm sounding kinda pathetic...
You're not sounding pathetic at all... there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!! I agree with Sophia--if it's gotten to be this much of a problem I think a visit to the doctor is in order. Even if there is no problem, this might clear up any fears that something is wrong and maybe this alone could help you. Good luck!
The other posters are right, you should get yourself checked over by a doctor to rule out any physical causes for this. I think this sort of thing is usually psychological though, and if it is that's good because you and your FH can 'fix' it between the two of you and it'll strengthen your relationship. Assuming you haven't had any traumatic past sexual experiences (which you would need to speak to a counsellor about), you probably just need to RELAX. I have been there, and I know it's very difficult. You get into a kind of cycle of fear and you end up dreading something that is supposed to be pleasurable and make you happy. You have to just be honest and explain to FH that you are worried and scared and need TIME. And once you have established that there is no physical problem, you have to go for trial and error - what works for you both and what doesn't. Again, be honest and take that leap of faith with your FH and tell him what you want/don't want, like/don't like. Good luck! And it does get better, I promise!
Posted: Sep 18, 2006 1:15 AMGo to messagein response to: auntofthebride
Lubrication is definitely key---so I'd try that (if you haven't already) the other thing is foreplay...women's bodies take longer than men's bodies to get "ready" for sex so that could be part of the issue too. Don't stress out about it and check with your gyno but I'm sure your fine :) Most likely just nerves!
An older female family memeber of mine had this problem where it was uncomfortable too, and she went to the doctor and it ended up being that the "skin" that you break through or the "cherry" was way too thick and could not be "popped" so surgically they had to fix it. Defenatley go and see a doctor
If you are having that much discomfort you need to see a doctor. Have you ever been to the gynecologist? If not, you definitely have to go..especially since you're getting married! It's not fun, but you have to keep yourself healthy! Seriously, go get things checked out, you'll feel a lot better once you do. Keep us posted if you go and hear anything from the doc. Good luck!