I agree with all the earlier posts. DO NOT meet with his woman! I wouldn't even talk to her on the phone because if she is crazy it could just encourage her.
As a side note: MYRA made an excellent point! "newspaper wedding/engagement announcements can trigger these sort of things". That was exactly my reasoning for NOT announcing our engagement in the paper - you never know what freaks are out there! Years ago when I got a phone in my name for the first time - I ended up with a stalker and had to get an order of protection. The stalker wasn't even anyone that I even knew! It turned out that 6 years earlier, when I worked for a summer in a restaurant that has us wear name tags with our first and last names, I had (according to what the stalker told the detective) aparently smiled at him and told him to have a nice day (duh, that was part of my job) so this delusional psycho thought I was "the one for him" and spent the next 6 years looking for me. I'm certain that anyone that needs to know about our engagment or wedding doesn't need a newspaper anouncment to find out!
Posted: Aug 2, 2006 8:11 PMGo to messagein response to: LadyBugBride
I had a not so good experience with fh's ex-fiancee right after we got engaged. We saw her at the store and she noticed he had a new woman. About a week later, she started all of a sudden hanging around with fh's sister, whom she hadn't even talked to in 5 years. She started calling fmil all the time asking how he was doing. One day she went over to fh's mom's house and his mom called and asked fh to come over. The stupid girl even had the nerve to tell fh that she wanted to come over and say hi. Fh just told her that that wasn't such a good idea (I was pissed because I had seen her drive by and I knew that was why his mom called). She called our house one time. She wanted to talk to fh and I told her never to call again because he doesn't want her obviously. And there was apparently a reason why he hadn't talked to her in 5 years.
I would difinitely ask fh about the supposed ex-fiancee. If it's just some ex girlfriend trying to start trouble, if she calls back, tell her that your relationship with your fh has nothing to do with her or their past together. You're happy, and if something is wrong, it will come out in it's own time. If she has a kid, she might be trying to say that it's actually your fh's. Anthing to try to split you guys up and potentially get him back (which I doubt she ever will). Don't meet her. If she calls back, tell her to tell you what she's got to say over the phone or email. If she can't seem to do that, she's prbably just making stuff up and can't think of something to say off hand.
Well ladies, I am surprised at the level of paranoia on this board. (And also surprised that some contributors who have been absolutely awful to me feel that they should even reply to my op, let alone berate and question me about my subsequent posts - to you - and you know who you are - I respectfully request that you ignore my posts as I will yours.) I am so sorry that so many of you have had such bad experiences. As I said in an update post, this woman is not an "unknown", simply I was unaware. At some point, she and I will meet, especially if she is of a mind to, it's a small town and I refuse to hide. Our engagement is scheduled to be announced in church this Sunday and in the paper this weekend. I am THRILLED to be marrying this man and I want the world to know!! I really DO wonder what she thinks she might have to say to me. When/if it happens, I will let you know. To those of you who are genuinely concerned for my welfare, I thank you. I can assure you, that your concern is most appreciated, although, most likely, unnecessary.
I was not trying to tell you to hide. i'm sure most of the women here weren't meaning that either. It's just that there are A LOT of crazies in the world. We just don't want you to get hurt. Like one poster said, the ex and her friends were actually trying to hurt her.
I am very excited for you to be having your engagement announced this weekend. I just wish you the best of luck.
Soon 2Be Mrs. Patton
Message was edited by Nightflyerswmn on Aug 2, 2006 8:24 PM
if you def wanna know what she has to say...I agree with others that you should be able to have this conversation over the phone or by email, but if you really want to meet her, then fine, meet at a cafe or something. Id personally talk to FH first and see what he has to say....i keep thinking worse case scenarios like he is still seeing her or they do have a baby together or etc etc etc BUT i hope all of that is not true and the lady simply isnt over him and just wants to babble on about how he cant be trusted etc etc etc, I hope it all works out for the best, and im sure anything this lady has to say will just be nonsense but no harm in hearing what she has to say - give her one chance and one chance only. Good luck - let us know if you ever do catch up with her..and congratulations on your engagement! The next 12 months will be very busy and exciting for you xx
Message was edited by october on Aug 2, 2006 8:42 PM
Pamela....isn't it strange to you that FH never told you about this prior engagement? Especially because it was probably a major event in his life to be accused of fathering a child that wasn't his! That is one of those things that I would hope my FH would share with me. It seems odd that you are so eager to meet this woman, and yet express no emotion about the fact that your FH apparently hid this, or chose not to divulge this information to you? You said it is common knowledge around town....yet he never told you? I'm sorry, but it's seems like we are missing some piece of this story!
I had a long lunch with my fiance today. One of my sisters is married to one of his brothers, when I called my sisters to get the scoop on this, my sister called him up and read him the riot act. He's been waiting for me to bring it up on the telephone. lol I asked him why he never mentioned this woman, his reply was that he thought I knew - EVERYONE KNOWS. (This woman was pregnant, which caused a bit of a scandal around here in itself, when her baby was born it was obviously NOT my fiance's baby. My fiance was in the delivery room, with no clue that she had cheated on him. Apparently, it was immediately obvious that the child has another racial background. My fiance left the hospital almost immediately and moved out of state the following week. He felt publicly humiliated and completely devestated. I do vaguely remember when he moved to Atlanta, but, as I said in a previous post, he really wasn't a real part of my life at the time.) This is a perfect example of why I love this man so much; after my sister gave him what-for, he called up his ex's mother, got the ex's telephone number and gave HER what-for. Her story was that she wanted to give me the fire opal earrings that fiance had given her as they are antiques that came from his family. He suggested she messenger them over to his office along with anything else she wanted to return. I don't know if I believe her story, but as it turns out, it doesn't matter. I suppose I will eventually come in contact with her, especially since she lives nearby. To those of you who question why I was not more distraught over this, believe me, I WAS upset, but it is not in my nature to become overly emotional or jump to conclusions. (If it were, I would have quit this board the night I first enrolled!) Thank you again, to all of you who were so concerned for me. It is nice to know that there are so many kind women on this board.