Second Thoughts

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Guest
Second Thoughts
Posted: Jun 28, 2006 10:30 PM

Help me please, I am having secong thoughts. I am 26, he is 27 and a great hard working man. We dated for one year in a half before I started to put the pressure on him. We've been living together for about 2 years. We got engaged in March 2006, after I basically said either we get engaged or we stop living together. I was not going to break up with him, I just thought that it was time for us to live apart, but instead of moving he proposes. I was happy for about the first two months, now I am scared and unsure if this is the man I should be marrying. We get along great, he's funny, and he thinks I'm funny, we talk out our arguements and problems, But I'm still not sure if he is the one. Please help, how do you know, I don't want to hurt him, but I think about this almost everyday. We would make great life long friends but I am so unsure if he matches my future goals and ambitions. Please help! I don't want to be old and still single.

Message was edited by dtm1980 on Jun 28, 2006 10:34 PM

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Guest
Re: Second Thoughts
Posted: Jun 30, 2006 7:35 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know I don't know you and I can't tell how you and your fiance are together. But let me say from your post what I think.

I understand being scared. I think it is completely natural. With that said, there is a LOT of things in your post and, not in your post, that lead me to believe you REALLY need to sit down and talk to your fiance.

First of all, nowhere in the post do you mention that you love him. Do you love him? It sounds more like you are talking about a friend rather than the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Second, it sounds like you think that marriage is something that you SHOULD be doing at this point in your life. Yes, other friends your age are probably getting married now and you migt feel like this is the time to do it. However, if you don't have love, passion, or mutual respect for each other, you most likely will not be happy anyway.

You also said that you put pressure on him to get married. You two need to sit down and see if this is something you BOTH really want to do, or if you are just afraid of change, being alone, or losing each other.

 I hope you make the decision that is right for you.

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Guest
Re: Second Thoughts
Posted: Jun 30, 2006 8:15 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thanks Becky, your right, I do need to talk to him. I do love him and I am not just scared I am terrified. I always ask advice from older people who are married and who have been married. Many do suggest marrying your best friend and he is. And I do have love for him but I have been in love before and I am not sure if it was different because I was younger or am I expecting it to always feel the same. Is it possible for a man to someday grow into the person you hoped he would be?
Help I'm having second thoughts.  I'm 26, he is 27,He is a great man, he works hard, and he makes me laugh and he thinks I am funny. We have only dated for one year and a half, before I started to put on the pressure. I never said that I would break up with him, but I suggested that we not live together if we were not married. So instead of moving out he proposed. I was happy, but now I am unsure, I am scared I don't think this is something I want to do but I don't want to hurt him. After all it was all my idea, I just didn't think he would actually do it. Please help how do you really know, how can you tell what does it feel like? I don't want to be old and still single.

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MrsDupont Posts : 1,574 Registered: 4/14/06
Re: Second Thoughts
Posted: Jun 30, 2006 5:24 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi Dtm

I felt the same way dtm... but i really thought about it... I'm 27 going on 28.  I sat and thought about my feels and cant imagine my life without him.  Who will I talk to about EVERYTHING and feel comfortable... I have my best friends yes... but the relationship is so different with my FH.  We were together 5 years before he proposed. 

You also have to think about, if you didnt put the pressure on him to marry you would he have done it and would you have 2nd thoughts? Maybe your feeling guilty about the situation.

Its a really scary thing, its a permanent thing! Can you see him as the father of your children, can you see each other sitting on porch when your old.  Can you see him as the only person that will bring sexual pleasure? 

And ask yourself - Do you want it with him? 

Did you pressure him to propose because you were living together and felt you should be engaged to show face? So people wont look bad at you?   Alot of people get engaged just to do it so people don't think of them bad. 

Marriage is a unity of 2 people You and your Man...

not everyone else. 

 

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Guest
Re: Second Thoughts
Posted: Jul 2, 2006 11:22 PM Go to message in response to: MrsDupont

Thanks Mariam,

I really appreciate all of you caring advice. I do think that I was feeling a little guilty about pressuring him and I have decided to wait to 2008 before we get married. I think that if we are going to be together we will be together reguardless, and a little time will not hurt. It will only help. Thanks


Help I'm having second thoughts.  I'm 26, he is 27,He is a great man, he works hard, and he makes me laugh and he thinks I am funny. We have only dated for one year and a half, before I started to put on the pressure. I never said that I would break up with him, but I suggested that we not live together if we were not married. So instead of moving out he proposed. I was happy, but now I am unsure, I am scared I don't think this is something I want to do but I don't want to hurt him. After all it was all my idea, I just didn't think he would actually do it. Please help how do you really know, how can you tell what does it feel like? I don't want to be old and still single.

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Guest
Re: Second Thoughts
Posted: Jul 14, 2006 2:26 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hi, Second Thoughts-- I am a reporter and i am doing a story on people who get engaged at a young age and have second thoughts. would you be willing to talk to me about your situation?

Please let me know asap. Thank you so much! You are NOT alone!! My email is KairoConrad@Gmail.com

 

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Guest
Re: Second Thoughts
Posted: Jul 15, 2006 12:43 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

I think you put to much pressure on him. And now that he has proposed to you, your a little scared. I think you should just talk to him and tell him how you feel and still stay engaged but take it slow. When you take it slow everything works out for the best.

The Future Mrs. Zepeda


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