My boyfriend and I have been talking about getting engaged for a while now and have decided on the year and the month we would both like to be married. His family and every one of our friends are all excited and completely behind us. We're having a problem convincing my mom engagement is a good idea. I'm applying to vet school this fall, and vet school is a four year program. However, he's graduated and has a full time job already and financially we'll be able to survive. She doesn't want me to get married until I'm through with vet school, but I don't want to wait another five years. I've tried talking to her one on one about getting engaged and she doesn't seem to want to listen to my point of view. What she thinks is what goes and I'm having a hard time getting around that. My dad is a lot more realistic, but I haven't been able to sit down and discuss things with him yet because our work schedules conflict. I've talked to him about it in passing and he said that both he and my mom have some concerns but that he would sit down and talk to me about it. My mom is having a hard time adjusting to me growing up and being on my own, and lately she's been trying to be even more controlling since I'm home from school for the summer working at my internship. I really need any advice or tips on how best to approach this, or ways/points I should bring up when talking to her to get her to see my side of the argument.
Have you listened to your mom's concerns about you getting engaged? It sounds great that your dad is willing to sit down and talk to you about his concerns. Did you try to have that same situation with your mom? In my experience, if you can listen to their concerns and then show them why/how you can overcome that obstacle, or alleviate their concerns in some way, then they will be more likely to come around to your way of thinking.
Posted: Jun 21, 2006 4:33 PMGo to messagein response to: angelbride
Thank you so much for the advice. When I talked with my mom I did try to address some of her concerns, but she never really let the conversation get to the point where she was willing to accept the engagement was close enough to discuss the concerns she had. I actually have talked to my dad about his concerns, and the impression I got from him was that both he and my mom are worried Greg and I are too young to get engaged and get married. I know they're just worried that I'm making the right decision, but I don't know how to convince them I know he's the one. If we have to wait then we have to wait and I'm okay with that, because the end result is still the same; however I would rather not have to wait three years to get engaged like my parents want me to. I've got several tough years of school ahead of me, and having Greg there helps me deal with the stress because I know at the end of the day I can always come home and get a hug and he'll tell me everything will be alright. Without us being married he's at least an hour away from school, and moving in together before we're married isn't an option unless I end up going to vet school out of state. Did anyone else have a problem convincing their parents they weren't too young (keep in mind I'm 21 and he's 24)? And if so, how did you change their minds?