The Thread Nobody Wants To Read

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 16, 2006 4:29 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I hope everything goes well for you--breakups are never easy, but this sounds like it's a real bear.  Sorry you have to deal with it.

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 19, 2006 8:13 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Well, I did it. I broke it to him on Saturday afternoon.

 

I've actually been calm and rational the whole time. Either God has answered my prayers or I was really, REALLY ready for this... then again, by Saturday I may REALLY want to kill him. There's been some screaming and a lot of crying from him since the official break, but mostly he is being WAY too attentive and nice. Smothering, even. I guess he thinks he can bribe or guilt me into staying. Uh-uh.

 

Five days, ladies. Then I move, and then I move on with my life!

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 22, 2006 3:39 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

42 hours, people!! It's been a hellacious week... probably made WORSE by getting my period Monday night! Neither of us are dead, although there's been plenty of fighting, weighty discussion, crying, and snarling. The rest of the time he's totally smothering... so weird... but doesn't matter. I'm once again a ball of nerves, but this time it's anticipation. I can't wait to post the last post in this thread from my new place!

 

Let this thread stand as a monument to anyone who's afraid to leave their fiances. If a little creature like me can do it, anybody can...

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 22, 2006 4:28 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Glad to hear that you're holding it together, and sticking to your guns! Smile

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 9:20 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Thanks Tulip. I too am glad you are sticking to your guns. At least it is almost over...

 

-Finally a Newlywed!!

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 9:52 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Hang in there, Tulip.  I'm glad there is light at the end of the tunnel.

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 10:05 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

It's almost over.  Hang in there.

Michele and Kyle

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 11:09 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

God, you girls are awesome! 

 

I made a big mistake last night. After they found out we split, FFH's parents sent over a bottle of wine (I have no idea what the motive for that was... rich people are weird... my mom suggested it might be to congratulate me on my decision, haha). Last night, because I was tired of the crushing I-hate-this-so-much-I-can't-breathe feeling, I drank. A lot. It's the first time in my whole life I gave my problems over to alcohol because I didn't want to handle them and I really regret it. Never again. I didn't DO anything stupid like sleep with FFH or start another fight, but still.

 

I forgot to mention: I called FFFIL a few nights ago and asked what he wanted me to do about the car. He said lots of nice things about me, including that he gave me the car because I was a hard-working young person who deserved it, not just because I was his son's fiancee; in the end he told me that it's more important to him that I get safely moved and settled, and to call him after that. And that he's not in any hurry to hear from me. And maybe then he'll just let me buy out FFH's half of the car for a few thousand. This is the happiest ending I could have reasonably hoped for, so I'm just gonna count my blessings and run with it!

 

23 HOURS, PEOPLE -- LESS THAN ONE DAY!! My dad will be here in a few hours to help me move... he and I and friends are meeting at 10 AM tomorrow to get things moving... this day seemed like forever away when I first started this thread, I can't believe it's almost here. I know there's gotta be a couple girls out there reading this and wondering if they can do it. You can do it. Look at your options, make a plan, and count the days. Call in favors from friends and family if you have to -- it's a serious situation. (If anyone has any idea how unhappy you are, most people will probably be thrilled to help you get out.) It will be terrible. You will have moments when you feel bad about what you're doing and think maybe it's not worth the strife. Make a list of reasons why you want to leave, it'll help you keep your resolve even if you never actually show it anybody. Obviously the situation is a lot more complicated if you've moved somewhere far from your people, there's mutual property, there's kids, I can't pretend to know what to do about any of that. Just do what you have to do... you have to take care of yourself first. I should maybe go back to work now!

Message was edited by TulipOHare on Jun 23, 2006 11:13 AM

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mrsmorris06 Posts : 7 Registered: 4/11/06
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 23, 2006 8:44 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

I know what you are going through.  It was only a couple of months ago that I was writing about how horrible my FMIL was to me.  Now, my FH has broken the engagement with only 3 months until the wedding.  I think he has cold feet, and his family just rode him too much about not liking me.  I am now looking to move out of the house.  He still wants to date, and maybe down the road look at getting married.  However, I have been divorced once before, and have 2 kids.  I don't know how much I can put them through and myself as well.  I have done nothing but cry for days.  I do love him, and I really think he is the one, but his family makes things impossible.  I will not be a bow down kind of wife that they think I should be.  I am a very strong willed person who speaks her mind.  I truly feel that the only way for us to ever make it is to have him set them straight.  I don't know if he really can do that.  We never should have bought their house and let them live in the in-law apartment when we first were going out.  I start therapy next week because I too need stock in Kleenex.  Just keep your head up high, and know others are going through this too!

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 26, 2006 12:24 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

And now I'm in my new home.

 

Even now I falter occasionally. I think "Did I do the right thing?" or "Was hurting him this much really worth it?" Then I have to think about:

- the list

- how much I was looking forward to this, for weeks

- all the friends and family who are happy I'm out of the situation

- how much fun it's going to be not having to think about anyone but myself (for once in my life)

- how much fun it's going to be living with my friends

- the visceral joy of two little words: "my ex."

 

 

Thank you again to all you magnificent people!

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 26, 2006 9:02 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Congrats. You did the right thing and you stuck it out. I know so many people who would have given in and stayed for fear of the unknown. You go girl :) 

 

-Finally a Newlywed!!

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NatSeptBride Posts : 888 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jun 26, 2006 11:25 AM Go to message in response to: Guest

Congrats to you, and good luck in the future!!  Please continue to keep us updated with how you're doing, and what has been going on with you!Smile

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jul 2, 2006 12:11 PM Go to message in response to: NatSeptBride

It's official: my ex is suicidal. I spent an hour and a half on the phone with him last night talking him out of it.

 

It may have been manipulation, but now he gets to take it seriously, because as soon as I got off the phone with him (2 AM) I called his therapist, one of his brothers (the non-jerk one), and a mutual friend. One of the first two already got to him because I had two e-mails around 3 AM -- a nasty one asking why I'm making trouble for him when I know these people don't really care, and a second one apologizing for the first. And as it turns out, the mutual friend had plans to hang out with him tonight.

 

Thing is, my ex is in a pretty sorry place in life. His family doesn't behave like a family, they're like 7 reality show people who are forced to live in the same house. He has 3 friends, but while they all care about him they can't stand to be around him for very long (ex's social problems could be a whole 'nother thread). He doesn't have any education (failed out of 3 colleges). He wouldn't have a job if his dad hadn't given him one. What few hobbies he has are not social or really productive. ... I fully realize that none of these things are my fault, but it's extra hard for him to deal with things because other than his therapist he basically has no support network. He was 100% dependent on me, and now I'm gone.

 

I'm not sure what's going to happen today. Anyone had THIS happen? Was your ex serious, or were they just trying to manipulate you?

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Guest
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jul 2, 2006 12:58 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Yes.  And he was just being manipulative. 

You were right to call those people about your ex.  If he's messing with you, maybe it will embarrass him into stopping. If he's not, well, you're getting help for him.  His emails suggest (to me)  that he was just manipulating you.  If I were you, I'd probably forward them to the therapist and wash my hands of it.

Careful with reciting and re-reciting everything that's wrong with him.  Those things were probably wrong with him when you were with him, too.  My rule of thumb was "Be gentle but be scarce."  Don't be awful to him--but turn off your answering machine and stop picking up voicemails from him.  Just use your caller ID to figure out who you need to call back for a while--people DID function before answering machines and caller ID existed.  And you can, too, for a while.

This guy is probably not gonna want anything to do with you once he gets his sh*t together.  So, be sure you're okay with that.  And then, walk away and get on with your life.

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myra Posts : 5,550 Registered: 3/28/06
Re: The Thread Nobody Wants To Read
Posted: Jul 2, 2006 4:16 PM Go to message in response to: Guest

Any suicide threat should be taken seriously (I'm a psychiatrist's wife and have an MS in counseling--I've been to lots of suicide seminars!), and you have done the right thing with the contacts you made. But now, as Fritz has advised, it's time to get out of the loop. Change your phone # if necessary, don't take his calls, don't talk to him for 1 1/2 hours. He has a family--he's their responsibility now, not yours. Whether he's manipulating or he's serious. HE'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM ANYMORE. I know this sounds heartless, but you have to put you first now. And, as long as you're connected to him, you can't move forward. (And, yes, I have been in your situation with my ex-husband. Suicide is the ultimate threat and manipulative tool. But, at a certain point, you've done everything you can and you have to move on.)

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